I Love Your Bubblegum Smile

Harley groaned quietly, curling her pajama-clad legs further underneath her body as the yelling escalated around her.

She remained hidden in her bunk, away from the band as Lisa’s shrill screams echoed through the near-empty bus.

After the truth had been revealed and Lisa had attacked her, the band had become even more distant from her. Harley was put in a sort of permanent time-out, often being neglected or hidden in the corner, or completely ignored altogether.

She still sent secret texts and emails to Kyle, who remained faithfully by her side, despite being absent for the fight between Lisa and Harley. Harley was careful to keep her phone concealed from Rian’s sight, knowing that he would freak out if he found out she was in contact with others.

Rian had kept a careful eye on her, but refused to speak to her. Kara sent her smiles occasionally, but only when Rian wasn’t looking. Zack wasn’t talking to her, but he wasn’t much of a conversationalist, so Harley understood that he had nothing against her.

Jack had attempted to talk to her, but she had remembered what Rian had told her and refused to answer his questions and funny statements in fear that Rian would find out. And Alex, well Alex was too busy with Lisa to notice her anymore.

In the last few days, the couple had either been fighting and yelling constantly, or having intense make up sex in the back lounge. Harley had been hidden away in her bunk for most of the time, but the groans and moans had caused her to become quickly agitated.

A large part of her had wanted Lisa and Alex to break up, so Alex and Harley could start publically dating, but her hope had been diminished when she saw Alex and Lisa kissing passionately after Alex had finished a set a few days before.

Harley had expected Lisa to get mad at Alex, and reprimand him before packing up and leaving him, but apparently, she had been wrong.

She could practically hear Alex’s smug voice as he convinced Lisa that Harley was the one who had instigated the affair, and that he was innocent in the whole situation. Harley really wanted to punch something.

It was a few days after the fight. Rian, Zack and Jack had gone out to a bar near the venue, something that had been happening frequently, while Lisa and Alex had remained after Lisa had accused him of cheating, yet again.

“I didn’t fucking cheat on you!” Alex shouted, his voice heard clearly even though he was in a totally different area of the bus. “That was only one time, and it didn’t mean a thing! Please, baby. You gotta believe me.”

Harley flinched at the words as they escaped his mouth, and she could easily imagine as Lisa melted at the words in pleasure.

“If it’s one time, how do I know it won’t happen again?!” Lisa shouted, something that surprised Harley.

Harley had assumed that Lisa would just forgive Alex once again, and they would go back into happy relationship bliss.

“Because now I’ve changed.”

“Sure you have changed, Alex.” Lisa hissed, adding something at the end of the sentence, which was muffled by the curtain blocking Harley away. Harley listened carefully, holding her breath as the sound of Lisa’s heels clicking loudly on the wooden floor filled the air.

“Where are you going?” Alex seemed to call after her, and Harley could hear the hint of desperation, which he tried so desperately to hide.

“Out, you asshole.” Lisa called behind her, before the sound of the door shutting behind her echoed throughout the bus.

All was silent and Harley listened for a few moments longer, but heard nothing other than the sound of her own shallow breathing.

She turned her attention back to the small dark bunk, and fished blindly around for her iPhone. She turned it on, the light blinding her momentarily, before finding her standard white headphones and attaching them to the small device.

She shoved the earphones in each ear, before scrolling through her music playlist. She set in on shuffle, not really caring as to what song played, instead focusing on her thoughts which continued to cloud her mind.

She thought about a lot of things during her time in her bunk. She thought about Alex, and how he continued to spend time with Lisa. She thought of Rian, and his overprotective attitude towards her.

This got her mad, so then she began to think about Travis, and how much she missed his company. How much she missed his big blue eyes, his bright red hair, his adorable laugh...and then she became sad.

So she began thinking about other things, like what she would when she got home, the approaching school year at the University of Maryland, her family.

She was still thinking about all of these things when the curtain jerked sideways abruptly and a pool of light flooded into the dark space. Alex knelt down to Harley’s level so that they were face-to-face, and a sense of insecurity washed over her. She immediately paused her music, startled to see his face so close to hers.

He wore a bemused expression, his brown eyes twinkling as his smile faded. “Don’t act so surprised. I knew you were in here all along.”

Harley pretended not to hear him, and instead focused heavily on the white wires leading to her iPhone as she felt a blush crawl up the nape of her neck.

“What?” She asked, pulling the earphones out of her ears as though she hadn’t heard him.

Alex rolled his eyes, not bothering to repeat himself, and instead sat down awkwardly at the edge of her bunk.

Harley knew she shouldn’t be talking to him, and that this would cause even more trouble for her, but she couldn’t help herself. Alex had a sort of magnetism that always drew her towards him, no matter what the circumstances.

Harley noticed almost straight away as his expression changed to one of disappointment, confusion, sadness and anger.

“What’s wrong?” She questioned, hugging her knees to her chest as he eyed her uncertainly.

She was fairly sure she already knew the answer, but said nothing in hopes that he would tell him herself. He ran a muscular hand through his honey-blonde hair, looking much like the time when Harley had confronted him in the middle of the night many weeks ago.

“Lisa and I are fighting,” Alex stated darkly, confirming Harley’s suspicions.

Harley attempted not to smile with glee as he said this, realizing that this meant she had a chance with him, and instead frowned in a concerned manner.

“What happened?”

“She thinks that I’m cheating on her again. Ever since you and I—we, I don’t know. Everything has been pretty rough recently. We’ve broken up twice, and she almost threw a shoe at me.”

“Why didn’t she?”

“It was a Jimmy Choo limited edition or something. I don’t know.” Alex shrugged, causing Harley to laugh despite herself. She quickly contained herself, causing Alex to look down uncomfortably. “I just don’t know if I can deal with her anymore. She’s being so difficult. I’m young, I’m a guy. I can do what I want.”

“I agree.” Harley nodded, feeling slightly sympathetic as Alex fiddled with the many bracelets decorating his wrists.

“I, uh, I don’t think I should be talking to you about this.” He mumbled, shaking his head roughly as he stood up.

“What are you talking about?” Harley stared up at him, her tawny eyes widening in confusion as he began pacing.

“I slept with you, Harley!” Alex exclaimed, looking down at her as though she was a small child.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I slept with you and now Lisa hates me. We might be breaking up and it’s all your fault!” Alex shouted, attempting to keep his voice down as he plopped down next to her, burying his face in his hands.

Harley cringed at his words, but knew that he didn’t mean it. He couldn’t mean it. He was just under stress.

“Look at it this way,” Harley stated, attempting to keep calm. “Now you and I can be together.”

“What?” Alex peered through his hands at her, slowly lifting his head back up to look at her. His brown eyes were lined with confusion and his face held a light crimson blush.

“I mean, Lisa was in the way right?” Harley smiled softly, “Now that she’s not. You and I can start a real relationship.”

“I don’t know what you m—”

“—I really didn’t want it to happen this way.” Harley giggled, her mood lightening at the thought of her kissing Alex whenever she wanted, without hiding. “What, with the fighting and the secrecy and all of that. Thank god, that’s all over. Now we can finally be together!” It was only then that she noticed Alex’s contorted face, which seemed both hesitant and worried. “What?” Harley questioned quizzically, noticing as he continued to stare at her, his mouth slightly agape in the oddest way possible. “You know I love you, Alex. Don’t look at me like that! So now we can finally be happy together. Rian won’t be able to say anything. You don’t understand how...how excited I am for this...for us”

“Harley I—”

“What is it Alex?” Harley snapped impatiently as he opened and closed his mouth several times, attempting to find words to express his thoughts and feelings. “Spit it out.”

“You thought that I, I...you thought that we’d be together?”

“Yeah, of course.” Harley chirped happily, tucking a stray hair behind her ear, completely oblivious to Alex’s actions. “Why?”

“You thought that we...you love me?”

“Of course!” Harley babbled excitedly. “Don’t you love me?” Alex hesitated, watching as her face switched from excited to crestfallen as he failed to respond. “You love me, don’t you, Alex?”

“It’s not that I don’t...it’s just that I, uh, you are expecting way too much.”

“What do you mean, I’m expecting way too much?” She paused, a lump suddenly gathering in her throat as she noticed Alex’ solemn expression. “You don’t love me?”

“I, I thought you understood.” He stammered, watching her with wide eyes as realization hit him like a train. He gulped, nervously. “This wasn’t supposed to amount to anything. We were just supposed to...just supposed to...”

“Fuck?” Harley finished off, her voice cracking at the end of the word, as reality came crashing down on her shoulders.

Harley felt tears gathering at the corners of her eyes as she continued to stare at the boy who she thought had understood her. But she was wrong, so wrong.

Alex didn’t want any of this. Alex didn’t want to share her dreams with her. Alex didn’t want to be in a relationship. Alex didn’t want her.

“Yeah,” Alex paused, silence setting in at the worst possible time. He looked down at his hands, which had interlaced with each other. “It’s just, you’re so young. We can’t be...it just happened. Lisa and I were fighting a lot. You were there...”

It was as though he was trying to lay the information down on her gently, his voice attempting to appear calm and relaxed as he struggled to form the right sentences.

“And you just wanted a simple fuck, right?” Harley yelled, her voice escalating as she noticed Alex flinch at the volume of her tone. “Nothing mattered to you, right? You just assumed that since I was there, pining after you, you’d go for it! You thought I’d be some stupid one-night stand?!”

“Of course not...” Alex trailed off, wishing she would stop carrying on.

“And after I slept with you! Oh my god. That was why you never did anything else! You were using me for sex the whole time!” Harley ranted to herself, ignoring Alex as he attempted to speak.

“YOU WERE USING ME, WEREN’T YOU?” Alex said nothing as she continued to yell. Her blood boiled, her face reddened, and the tears that previously pricked her eyes began to spill across her cheeks. “THIS WHOLE TIME I MEANT NOTHING TO YOU. NOT A FUCKING THING. I WAS JUST A TOY TO YOU, IN THIS SICK LITTLE GAME THAT YOU LOVE TO PLAY. I CAN’T BELIEVE I FELL FOR A STUPID BASTARD LIKE YOU.”

The guilty look that appeared on Alex’s face only remained there for a moment, before his face became red with anger and embarrassment.

“THIS CAN’T HAPPEN HARLEY. I LOVE LISA. YOU KNOW THAT. YOU KNEW THAT THE ENTIRE TIME THIS WAS GOING ON. YOU’RE AN IDIOT IF YOU COULDN’T FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING. NONE OF THIS WAS MY FAULT.”

“NONE OF IT WAS MY FAULT EITHER. YOU JUST WANTED TO USE ME THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!”

“Harley, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Alex said, attempting to calm down as he spoke in a slow calm voice as though he was talking to a child.

“STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE A FUCKING KID! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. I THOUGHT YOU AND I WERE GOING TO END UP TOGETHER AND WE WOULD BE HAPPY. TRAVIS AND I BROKE UP BECAUSE OF YOU. BUT HE WAS RIGHT. HE WAS A MUCH BETTER MAN THAN YOU ARE!”

Alex flinched as her words wafted through the air, each syllable hurting him more and more as she stood up, pushing away from him.

“I’M NOT TREATING YOU LIKE KID.” He yelled after her as she glared at him with her arms crossed. “I’M TALKING TO YOU LIKE HOW YOU DESERVE TO BE TALKED TO. YOU’RE TOO FUCKING YOUNG TO BE HERE, HARLEY. YOU’RE TOO NAIVE TO NOTICE ANYTHING AROUND YOU AND YOU EXPECT TOO FUCKING MUCH. AND TRAVIS WAS A FUCKING DICK. I’M HAPPY YOU TWO BROKE UP.”

“OF COURSE YOU WOULD BE! YOU JUST LOVE TO SEE ME MISERABLE. I’M ALWAYS THE VICTIM HERE. I DON’T EVEN DESERVE TO HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYTHING MORE THAN A BUNCH OF STUPID HOOKUPS.”

“JESUS, HARLEY, YOU WON’T FUCKING LISTEN. THIS WHOLE PERFECT FUCKING FAIRYTALE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU MADE UP IN THAT BIG HEAD OF YOURS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. EVER. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES, HARLEY, AND I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE RIGHT NOW WHO SCREWED UP. YOU’RE JUST AS MUCH TO BLAME AS I AM FOR THIS.”

He paused, his face turning even redder as he attempted to gasp for air, pushing himself back into a pacing position as he walked towards her. He towered over her as he breathed heavily, and she took a step back instinctively. He felt a pang of guilt as the tears continued to fall freely from her heartbroken chocolate eyes.

“No one is perfect.” He calmed down, noticing how harsh his words had been. He stopped mere inches away from her face, and held back the instinctive urge to lunge forward and plant his lips on hers. “Especially not me.” He paused, his eyes on her lips uncertainly. “I think we should just be friends, like before.”

She paused, her gaze flickering from his lips to his hopeful brown eyes as she embraced the silence. The only sound filling the air were their laboured breaths, and slowly, she opened her mouth to speak.

“I fucking hate you,” she spat, turning away from him and storming towards the exit, tears flowing freely down her cheeks like small waterfalls of pain.

“You shouldn’t be here,” He called after her, watching as she froze in her place. “Everyone knows that you don’t belong here. You never did. Even you know that, hiding away in your bunk like this. Nobody likes you, and I just offered you a chance to have a friend. If you don’t want to take it, that’s not my fucking problem.”

“Go die in a fucking hole, Alex.” Harley called over her shoulder, not bothering to look at his bright pink face, and instead walking out the door, closing it swiftly behind her.

She hoped that he couldn't hear the sound of her erratic sobbing, or the sound of her heart breaking inside of her chest.

She wasn’t sure where she was going to go, and she knew she had to be back on the bus by six for head-count, so it was clear she had to make a definite return to face Alex. But she didn’t want to think about Alex right now, or the hurtful words they had just exchanged.

Instead, she wiped away the tears and began walking, unsure of her destination.

All she knew was that things had ended horribly with Alex. This was something that she wouldn’t be able to fix. She was sure that she had screwed things in her life up completely.

Fuck, she was a mess.