Love Makes Blind

[Elia's Point of View]
[Listen to this song]

My birthday; it had come sneaking up on me, surprising me when I at least expected it. Seventeen years. Seventeen years since I was placed on this earth; I’ve been blind for fourteen years and eleven months of those seventeen years. This last month, I looked so brightly at my new life, everything seemed to work out perfectly. But then my mom died, my best friend clawed me, I lost my sight, and my mother lied to me in the dream or whatever it was.

I had been thinking about it a lot; the strange meeting with my mom. I couldn’t be sure if it was a dream or if I really died and met her – my heart stopped two times after all. I mean, would it have been so hard for her to mention that I would be blind again? She seemed to know everything else. I was upset but did my best to hide it from Paul; he seemed distant, a little cold and he didn’t say much. I was starting to wonder if he had gotten ‘cold feet’ about our relationship.

I had been stuck in a hospital bed for the last six days, I only left it when I had to use the restroom, but then someone – mostly Leah – had to carry me because the so called doctor said that I should keep still. Why should he be able to call himself a doctor when he can’t find out why I’m blind? My mother would have known if she was still around.

My little hospital room was crowded – because of my birthday. And because we were leaving tomorrow it was sort of a good bye party as well. I had forgotten my own birthday, I was reminded when Darin, Leah, Paul and Angelo came singing ‘Happy Birthday’ and carrying a gigantic cake with seventeen candles I couldn’t see, nor managed to blow into my room. The four of them took shifts on watching over me.

Angelo was the one of my friends that was here the most and we talked a lot about the whole everyone-is-shape-shifters thing. He didn’t want me to leave, but what else could I do? I had no other choice than to go with Darin, or ‘the flow’ as I called it.

I felt like an outsider at my own birthday party. Everybody was laughing and having a blast, talking to me and handing me presents I unwrapped and asked what it was. It amazed me every year that people bought me presents; what would you give to a blind person? But even though the room was filled with my family and friends, the feeling of someone missing from the crowd was the strongest. I hadn’t talked to Matteo since ‘the incident’. Paul refused me to even when I said I had to forgive him. That was a major issue in our relationship right now. He couldn’t seem to understand how I could forgive him.

“Tell me what is on your mind Elia.” Angelo sat down beside me and took my hand in his.
“It’s nothing.” I forced a smile.
“Oh come on, you know I know you better than that.” he pressed.
I frowned before I motioned for him to come closer with my index finger. “Tell Matteo I need to talk to him before I leave.” I whispered so quietly no one else would hear.
“Are you sure?” He asked concerned.
“You know me, I forgive.” I smiled a little. “But you have to get Paul out of here as well, or he’ll flip.”
“Okay.” Angelo kissed my cheek softly.

I started crying when everybody said goodbye. Especially Nonna and Valeira, they had begged me for days now to stay here with them; Valeira said I could live with her and Joeseph, but I turned the offer down politely. The two of them believed it was because of the wolf that attacked me at the beach, but they reassure me that they hadn’t seen it.

I managed to stop my tears when everybody had left; I couldn’t let myself fall completely together just because my world was. I believed it was only Angelo and Paul left in my room when Paul spoke to me softly.
“How are you feeling, monster?” he asked and ran his fingers through my hair.
I forced a smile again. “I’m fine. You should go home and rest and pack; we have a long journey ahead of us.” I put my hand on his cheek and closed my eyes and tried to picture his beautiful face, but it had already started to fade. I felt the tears press.
“Are you sure?” he asked and put his hand over mine and kissed it. “I can stay.”
“No, it is okay, Angelo is here.” I said and let go of his hand. “Please rest Paul.”

“Okay, I’ll be back to get you.” Paul kissed me softly before he left.
From the outside we would look perfectly normal, in love and perfect for each other; but I could feel the change in his touches and kisses – they weren’t lingering anymore, it was as if he kissed me more out of duty than love and lust.

“Hey, don’t cry Elia.” Angelo was by my side and wiped away a tear that escaped my eye. “It’s going to be okay.”
I wanted to tell Angelo – or anyone for that matter – about the change in Paul; but I couldn’t because he had that whole connected mind thing.
“Can you go get Matteo now?” I asked and sat up a little straighter in my bed.
“Of course. Do you want me to be here while you talk to him?”
I shook my head and then I heard the door open and close as he left.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I felt was someone shaking my shoulder. I yawned before I sat up again.
“Matt?” I asked.
“You wanted to talk to me?” he let go of my shoulder and took a step back, as if he was afraid to be close to me.
I reached for his hand but frowned when he didn’t take mine. “I forgive you.”
“Why?” his voice was disgusted. “Why do you forgive me? I almost killed you.”

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “It’s my birthday today.” I said instead.
“I know. Congrats. I haven’t bought you a present.” He sounded empty, or depressed. I couldn’t tell.
“That’s okay. You gift can be to let me forgive you.” I tried.
“No.” Matteo was even more stubborn than me.

“Stop being so childish Matteo.” I said harshly, but regretted it. “Sorry.”
“Stop saying you are sorry. For fucks sake Elinora, how can you forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself? You almost died!” I flinched as he said the last part.
“I can’t hate you.” I said and tried to grab his hand again, but I could feel the breeze as he moved away. “Take my hand right now or I’ll get out of the bed.”
He sighed but took my hand none the less.
“Now sit down and listen to me young man.” I had to fight hard not to crack a smile. He did as he was told. “I. Forgive. You.” I put pressure on each word. “I can’t hate you and I have to stop running from my problems. I love you Matteo.” I said it sternly and held his and tightly.

He didn’t say anything and my hand shot up to his cheek instinctively when I felt a teardrop on my hand. “Please don’t cry Matty, I’ll only cry as well.” I could feel my tears being harder to hold back as I spoke.
“I’m so sorry Ellie. I’m so sorry. I want to take it all back. I shouldn’t have tried to force you to love me when you were happy with him. I shouldn’t have but I did. I’m so sorry. I lost control. I hate this curse. I hate it with such a fiery passion it scares me. I have lost myself Elia and I can’t find me again. I’ve become this bitter person I don’t recognize. And I hurt you. You have to believe me, I wasn’t myself. Because I’m lost. I’m just a lost kid with too much responsibility. What if you died, wha-“ I had to break his weak voice off as my tears were flowing freely. “I don’t want you to forgive me. I don’t deserve it.”

“Please stop.” I cried and pressed my hands over my aching chest. “Please.”
He was silent for awhile. We weren’t touching anymore but I knew he was crying as well.
“I have to forgive you, can’t you see that? Even though we aren’t soul-mates, meant to be together forever, we are destined to be friends, because I need you Matt. I forgive you.” I said and clung to my own chest.

Matteo wrapped his arms around me but let go of me when I flinched a tiny bit when he pressed over my right side-ribcage. It still hurt a lot.
“See, I’m doing it again, hurting you.” He said, determined to only look at the negatives.
“Stop.” I wrapped my own arms around him. “I’m getting better.”

We sat with our arms around each other in an embrace for a long time, it felt like the world had stopped turning and I knew he had accepted me forgiving him.
“You have to forgive yourself as well.” I said softly and wiped away his tears with my bed sheets.
“I’ll try.” He said just as the door burst open.

“I told you to stay the hell away from her!” Paul roared as he ripped Matteo away from me. I heard bone being crushed and I let out a scream.
“Cool it down Paul.” Angelo was in the room. “You don’t want to phase here, neither of you.”
“Matteo,” I said. “call me sometime.”
“I’ll try.” He replied and kissed the top of my head as I believed Angelo was holding Paul back.

The door closed and I knew I was alone with Paul. I didn’t dare to say anything because I knew he would explode any second; and I was right.
“How the hell can you just forgive him, Elia?” he yelled at me.
I flinched and curled together a little.
“I told you not to talk to him, that he is dangerous. You can’t just forgive him!”

Angry tears ran from my eyes. “How can you say that Paul, that he is dangerous? Of course he is, aren’t you?” I knew it was below the belt when he didn’t reply. “Didn’t you warn me the day we got together that hanging with shape-shifters were risky, that I could get hurt? Well guess what, it happened, and you should be damn happy it wasn’t you that did it. But if it was, wouldn’t you have wanted me to forgive you?”
“No, I-“
“Bull-Shit, Paul.” My voice was dripping with venom. “Why don’t you get that stick that is stuck up your ass out and start acting like an adult?” I surprised him with my swearing – I surprised myself as well.

“I-“
“How many times haven’t you told me that you liked me both when I was blind and when I could see, but you froze the second I told you I couldn’t see anymore. If you can’t handle it, I suggest you pack up your things and leave me the hell alone. I’m staying here.”