An Open Book

I am selfish.

I crave your attention.

You are my best friend, nothing else.

People tease us every day saying it’s odd for a boy and girl to be best friends. I laugh every time when we walk away and you mutter, “Fuck ‘em.”

I smile and say, “Good for you.” When you tell me, excitedly about how you made out with that one girl.

I always forget their names. It’s a new girl every week.

But when I say, “That’s awesome.” I never mean it. Why can’t you tell your other guy friends? I understand you’re happy about it, and it just breaks my heart. I don’t know why though. I don’t like you like that. I think…

I had my chance though. Those three years you liked me. And I turned you down every time. I heard I was all you could think about, and you didn’t talk to anybody for a week every time I said no. I hate that my heart fluttered every time I heard this.

I hated leading you on, but I just couldn’t stop. I flirted with you ever chance I got. Even If you had a girlfriend at the time. And…You always flirted back. I know that I am the cause of your many failed relationships and I hate not feeling bad about it.

I just want you to love me more than a friend. But I know, I would just turn you down again.

I still flirt with you instinctively, though you like a girl in our circle of friends. When I found out she liked you too, a tear fell from my cheek. I see you two kissing and hugging and I feel like I’m slowly being pushed away from you. We aren’t as close as we used to be, I’m trying to give you space. You deserve to be happy with her, even if I get pushed away from you.

I will always love you as my best friend.