Invisible

I stood next to my mother at my memorial. All the neighbors, my friends, family all came to say one last goodbye to me. My school picture was the biggest, my mother had it blown up and other pictures were scattered along the table. Maggie brought one of her, Carol and I at the park. Jeremy brought the other of us kissing and a smile on his lips. Everyone lingered on that picture, and then hugged Jeremy tightly. Jeremy showed no life in his eyes, his voice was distant, his heart was completely shattered. He looked just as bad as my mother did. Carol brought a picture of just us two at the swimming pool downtown. My little brother brought one of just us two, while my mother brought ones of me over the years.

Once the memorial was over, I made sure Jeremy got home safely in his Jeep. He didn’t say goodbye to anyone, just jumped into his Jeep and left without telling his mother he was coming home. Jeremy didn’t want to go, but his mother convinced him too –and so did I- she told him it would be better for him. Jeremy preferred to sleep because he was with me in his dreams.

I walked up to the door with my mother to find Richard sitting on his ass watching T.V. My dad left to his hotel room and would be back later, so Aaron was the one carrying her up the stairs. Richard stood up quickly and wrapped his arm around her.

“Get off me Richard.” She muttered. Aaron looked up at me with a frown.

“Rachel…I told you.” He whispered. Richard felt like he wasn’t welcome at my memorial, which was true. It upsetted my mother so much that she’s slept with Aaron in his room. She wanted to sleep in my room, but she refused to enter in there until she was ready.

“I don’t want to hear it Richard. You made it very clear that you wanted to stay home than say your last goodbyes to Lindsey.” She set her stuff on the kitchen table and walked out into the deck outside. She sat herself on the high chairs and starred at the tree in our back yard.

Aaron walked upstairs to his room; he changed out of his church clothes and into his white Transformers shirt and blue jean shorts. He looked up at me.

“What are you doing Lindsey?”

I turned from the window to smile at him, “Just watching mom.”

He sighed, “She only cries when she’s with me.”

I nodded, “I know. I see her.”

Aaron sat on his futon to stare up at me, “Sit with me.”

I giggled a little. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him close to me.

“Lindsey?”

“Yeah?”

“Why can I only see you and not everyone else?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know buddy.”

“Me either.”

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. Aaron wrapped his arms around my waist to rest his head on my chest.

“I miss you Lindsey.”

I bent down to kiss his head, “I miss you too honey.”

Later that night, I sat on Jeremy’s window seal. He didn’t have any lights on, just soft music playing in the background. He starred out at the moon shining just above his tree. Jeremy hasn’t cried since he heard about the news last week. He just thought about me a lot, and smiled in his sleep whenever he dreamt of me. I wanted to see what he was dreaming, I wanted to talk to Jeremy, but I couldn’t figure it out anymore. Jeremy walked slowly to the window; he leaned against it starring out at street.

Jeremy moaned when a couple kissed on the street of his neighborhood. He sat on his bed again and closed his eyes. When he started to snore –he always denied that he never snored- I moved closer to him. I laid on his bed to lay my hand on his chest; I ran my hand up to his face to trace every inch of his skin. My hands tangled in his hair and gently placed my lips on his skin. It felt so real to me; I literally could feel the beat of his heart against my hand.

“I feel you.” He whispered.

I pulled away quickly and starred up at his eyes which were wide open. I slowly placed my hand on his cheek.

He took a deep breath, “ Lindsey.”

I smiled as a tear fell onto my cheek; I ran my hand along his face again and into his hair.

“I wish you could show yourself to me.”

“I do too.” I thought to myself.

Jeremy closed his eyes again and drifted into a deep sleep. I leaned in closer to him and rested on his chest. I closed my eyes -I couldn't sleep anymore- but I just wanted to pretend that this was real.

Then it felt like I was falling, I could feel the air around me, but I didn't scream. When I came close to the bottom, I landed softy on my feet. The place was filled with red roses -my favorite flower- and big green tree's were all around me.

"Lindsey." I heard a whisper.

I turned around to find Jeremy on the grass beckoning me to come to him. I walked over there with a smile on my lips.

Jeremy kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand.

"Come closer." He wrapped his hand around my waist as I scooted closer to him. His lips trailed along my shoulder, up my neck, along my cheek and finally rested on the corners of my lips.

I smiled softly, I could actually feel his lips on me, his arm around my waist, his hand on my thigh. Was that all just a wild dream about me being dead? Or was this perfect moment a dream?

"I love you" He whispered.

I smiled, "I love you too."

Jeremy stood up and reached for my hand, "Walk with me?"

Jeremy pulled me up and kept my hand tightly in his. I didn't watch where I was going, I didn't care where he was taking me. I just wanted this moment to last forever. I would give anything to be with Jeremy again.

Jeremy caught me starring at him. He chuckled, "What?"

I shook my head with a smile, "I can't figure this out."

"Figure what out?"

"Is this a dream or reality?"

Jeremy stopped and grabbed both of my hands. He leaned his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.

"I like to think it's reality."

I frowned as the aching feeling in my chest pounded against my chest. Tears began to swim in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

"I love you Lindsey. I want to be with you again." He told me.

I pulled away and smiled, but as I did a tear rolled down my cheek. Jeremy wiped it away but kept his hand on my cheek.

"Don't cry honey. I'll be with you shortly."

I gawked, "What do you mean?"

"I can't picture my life without you Lindsey. I wanted to build a life with you. I wanted to marry you and have kids."

The tightness in my chest suddenly got stronger. I wanted all those things with him too, but it's over. The dream was shattered when I was murdered.

I grabbed Jeremys hand from my cheek and squeezed it in mine. "You can't think that way Jeremy. You have a scholarship to the University. You can't stop your life because mine ended."

He cringed, "You never listen to me."

I sighed, "That's because you always say the stupidest things." I rolled my eyes, "I swear Jeremy Noel."

"So your saying you don't want me there with you?"

I looked away, I did want him with me, but Jeremy has a long life ahead of him.

"No I don't."

Jeremy's hands slowly left mine. "What?"

"I don't want you because I know you can have a successful life. You'll find someone else Jeremy, you'll have kids with the girl who will love you as much as I do. You need to think about your parents, your friends, your family. Think about what it would do to them if you left."

Jeremy groaned, "I don't care about anything else but you! I want you!"

I threw my hands in the air, "I know you do! I want you too! But if I ask you to come with me, I'm being selfish and taking away your life!" Jeremy's eyes bugged out. I took a deep breath before I continued, the sob in my chest was building more and more.

"Everytime I looked at you, I could see everything. Your future, me, your plans. Everything. But fate has taken another road Jeremy. Fate brought us together, and fate will bring us together again one day.....after you reach the goals you have planned for yourself."

I took his hands again in mine and starred at him, "Promise me you will continue with those plans? Promise me baby."

He sighed deeply and pulled me in for a hug, "I love you Lindsey."

I nodded with tears streaming down my face, "I love you too."

His arms squeezed me tighter against him, "It's going to be so hard, but I'll do everything I can to keep my promise."

Jeremy pulled away and cupped my face in his hands to press his lips to mine. I cried as he kissed me, I wanted this to be real with all my heart.

"Promise me something?" He whispered. He leaned his forehead to mine with his eyes closed.

I nodded, "Anything...".

"Will you wait you me?"

The sob that was building in my chest released itself out of my mouth. Jeremy pulled me closer to hug me to him tigtly.

"Always and forever babe."

Jeremy kissed me again lightly on the lips as he whispered, "I love you. I can't say it enough baby. I love you."

I smiled, "I love you too."

My eyes opened suddenly to Jeremy's dark room. Jeremy was sitting on his bed with his hands covering his face. I stood in front of him, watching him quietly. When he slid his hands down slowly from his face....tears were streaming down his cheeks.