When I Get Home, You're So Dead

I woke up that morning with a passion I never felt before. I smiled and turned over, tangled in the sheets. I was bare. Completely bare. I sighed and ran my hand all over the side of my bed. My eyes fluttered open as I raised up.

He was gone...

"Alex?" I croaked.

My heart started beating fast as I raised up more and stared around the room. I looked over on Alex's side of the room. his guitar was gone...his closet was empty. His bed was made. My eyes roamed for some kind of sign that he cared and he left me some note or something...but he didn't. I looked every where.

No sign.

"Alex?" I whispered, one last time, hoping that he was in the bathroom or something.

He didn't even wake me up to say goodbye...

I pounced up out of bed and searched around the room for anything. Still hoping. I slipped on my shorts and tank top and ran down stairs to a fresh smell of pancakes and a nice breakfast.

I gulped and followed the scent.

"Dad?" I whispered, peeking my head in the kitchen. No one was in there. Just a stove that looked like it had been cooked on and left over hash-browns on the island.

I cocked my eyebrow and went out back to find Isobel and my dad tanning by the pool.

"Dad?" I repeated.

"Yes, Mae?" Isobel answered for him.

"Where's Alex?" I asked as they both looked curious toward me.

"He left about an hour ago with the boys, Mae. We thought you knew. He said he told you goodbye right before he left." Isobel said as my dad stared at her and then me.

"Oh." Was all I managed to speak.

I held back my tears as they continued to look at me with curiosity.

"Is something wrong, Mae?" My dad asked as I shook my head slowly and looked towards the pool...

"So...you were born in Baltimore?" He asked me as I nodded and he stared off at the rest of the pool as I stared off in the distance with him.

"I heard you had a brother." I whispered as he looked over at me.

"I heard you had a mom." He said as I looked over at him and met eyes.

"Were you uh close?" I asked him as he cocked his eyebrow.

"You mean me and my brother?" He asked as I nodded.

"Of course...I mean isn't every brother close?" He spoke softly as I shrugged.

"I'm sorry about him." I whispered, flicking the water.

"Thanks. I can't imagine losing my mom." He muttered as I nodded and looked down at my pale legs in the cold water.

"You should have seen her laying in misery in that dumb ass hospital bed. I'm glad she's gone...Because if she was still here she would have been in more pain then ever." I whispered as I felt the lump come up my throat and tears stinging my blue eyes.

Alex brought me to him as I cried on his shoulder.

"You're a wonderful brother." I whispered as everything turned silent again.

"Ya think?" He asked quietly as I nodded.

"Yeah...you are." I muttered.

I felt his thumb rub softly up against my wet arm as my heart started beating faster up against my rib cage.

I then felt his breath on my face.

My mouth parted slightly as I let his breath slide into my mouth. I breathed back in his as our lips got even closer to where they were almost touching.

Our eyes connected for a moment before I closed mine...

Alex's voice echoed in and out of my head. I wanted to scream out that I was in love with him to my dad and Isobel but...how is that even possible?

You want what you can't have...

"Are your bags packed?" My dad asked me as I pulled out of my daze and nodded.

"Everything is ready for the plane. I just need to go get dressed and stuff..." I swallowed the lump in my throat as Isobel and my dad nodded.

I walked inside and shut the patio door behind me.

I went upstairs to my bed and stared at the sheets. He moved me back onto my bed?

I gulped and grabbed my bags out of my closet and threw them on my bed. I was leaving this place today. This was a whole other new chapter in my life. I would have to write and enjoy my journey alone...

I got dressed in a casual outfit and threw my hair up in a ponytail and put my make-up on. I was all ready to go...

I grabbed my passport off my dresser and slung my two bags over my shoulder and grabbed my last suitcase as I walked toward the door and looked back at me and Alex's room one last time...

I gave it a half smile and shut the door. I walked downstairs to see my dad standing there with a smile on his face.

"You ready to go, sport?" He smirked as I rolled my eyes and nodded.

He always use to call me sport when I was little and apparently he still does...

I don't even know why he does it's a boys nickname but he likes it for me...he thinks it fits me well? What an idiot.

When my dad helped me to the car with my bags...I looked up at the house I was raised in...I would miss it. And besides I knew I wouldn't be coming back for family gatherings and holidays. I didn't want to look back on Baltimore. Ever again.

Of course I would send Isobel and my dad cards on special holidays like Christmas and such but other then that...that's it.

That's why I would miss Alex...because I knew I would never be coming back to Baltimore. I didn't want to look back on this place. It's where my mom died and it's where I put up with two years of depression...

Isobel gave me a tight squeeze as I gulped and we pulled away.

"Come back and see us as soon as possible! We're going to miss you like crazy!" She said with tears in her eyes.

She's trying to be a mother but it just doesn't feel right to me. And I already knew I would never be coming back here...It's for my own good.

"Alright." was my response.

~

My dad dropped me off at the airport and we stood there before I boarded.

"You be good and don't get into any trouble." He chuckled as I seen his eyes sparkle with tears.

"I'm not." I smiled as he pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.

"Dad..." I said as we pulled apart and he looked me in the eyes.

"I have something to say..." I paused as he cocked his eyebrow.

I had sex with Alex...

"I um...I..."

"Yes?" My dad urged.

"I um...I'm...I had se-."

"Flight 120 now boarding! Flight 120 now boarding!" The woman over the intercom said as I jumped and closed my eyes tight.

"Looks like you better be going. Call me tonight and tell me how your flight went." My dad said as I nodded and turned away heading towards the door to get onto the plane.

I looked back at my dad as he smiled and waved at me with a tear going down his cheek.

"Bye." I mouthed as I walked away to board the plane...

I was now a free bird...I wanted freedom and I got it...

My freedom and he got his...

The Letter That Was Never Found:

Dear Mae,
I don't know how to write one of these but...I have to leave and I didn't want to wake you. Don't hate me for leaving and not saying goodbye. Hopefully you'll find this. The only place in the house we spent most of our time at...When and if you get this I hope you'll call me...my number is in this envelope along with all the other faggots numbers...they wanted me to give them to you. I don't know. They're gay. Jack the most ;) Um, I really don't know how to say this in words...I'm more good with paper. You probably found that out by now...Mae, I love you. And I would do anything for you. I know we're going to be far away but distance doesn't matter...I'll wait for you. You're worth it.

Sincerely, your big brother, Alex G.

P.s. I'll return your underwear later. Don't ask. I kept them with me the whole time...

I told you I wanted to be more then just a casual fuck didn't I?