Seventeen and Invincible

Kenny had settled next to me on the couch, letting me crawl into his arms and sob. I wanted to apologize for ruining his t-shirt with my eye makeup, but the words wouldn’t come out. He tried to soothe me by rubbing my back and my arms, but it was pointless. I still held onto him, holding handfuls of his shirt in my palms.

“Ana,” he whispered, trying to calm me. “Shh, he’s just being an asshole right now.” I shook my head, knowing that I shouldn’t be upset because I should have expected it. His fingers were combing my hair and I tried to steady my breathing, resting my head tiredly on his chest.

“I should’ve known better,” I whispered, slowly being comforted by the sound of his heart beating. He wasn’t Garrett, but he was better than nothing. “I should have known that it wouldn’t be the same as when I left. I found someone in Germany, of course he found someone here.” He exhaled loudly, wrapping one arm around my waist and continuing to play with my hair with the other.

“Garrett didn’t just find someone else, trust me. She found him and attached herself like a leech. He’s desperate and lonely. Don’t take it personally.” I sighed, holding onto Kennedy’s shirt even tighter.

“I shouldn’t even be upset. I mean it isn’t like we were anything, y’know? I mean I shouldn’t love him as anything more than a friend, I don’t,” I lied to him, in hopes of convincing myself. “I mean, I just didn’t expect to be homeless.” I felt a tear escape my eye, despite how hard I was trying to hold it back.

“You aren’t homeless,” he laughed. “None of us would ever let you go homeless. Even if you had to sleep on someone’s parent’s living room floor, you wouldn’t be homeless. Trust me.” I smiled sadly, inhaling, listening to his heartbeat, as it was the only thing that seemed to comfort me.

“Well, I don’t really have anywhere to live right now, do I?” I questioned tiredly.

“You have here,” he laughed. “Until you have somewhere else you can stay here.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Scout’s Honor.” I smiled, drifting off as he pushed a piece of my hair behind my ear.

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I woke up alone in Kennedy’s room. It was dark and unusually cold. “Kennedy?” I called tiredly, noticing the lights were on in the living room and kitchen. His footsteps echoed as he approached the room, rubbing his eyes like he’d just woken up.

“What do you need?” he asked groggily, leaning against the door frame. I shook my
head, yawning and pulling my hair into a bun.

“I don’t need anything, I just didn’t know where you were,” I sighed, pulling my knees up to my chest under the quilt. He nodded, turning around to go back inside. “No, Kenny,” I called frantically, reaching toward the door even though I wasn’t really moving toward it.

I heard him sigh as he turned back toward me. He raised his eyebrows, the light from inside allowing me to see. “Yeah?” I smiled weakly, picking at my fingernails.

“Can you stay?”

“I’m right inside, Ana, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my legs tiredly. “What?” he sighed.

“I want you to stay in here. Please? I-I can’t sleep by myself. Well, I mean I can, but, it’s, I just sleep better when I’m not alone. I don’t know why.” I closed my eyes and opened them again. “I had Garrett when I was here and there was a guy in Germany, and now I, I just need someone right now. Garrett’s got someone and I’m sure Jackson has someone new too, just please? Just for tonight? Just hold me?” He exhaled softly, nodding slowly. He stepped away to turn out the light and then back into the room.

“Scoot over,” he whispered, crawling into bed next to me. His arms wound around my waist and my head rested on his shoulder. “Is this okay?” I nodded, inhaling his scent and relaxing.

“Kiss me,” I whispered half-consciously. I hadn’t realized what I was saying until after the fact.

“Like, how?” He pressed his lips to my cheek, and I shook my head. “Like, really kiss you?” I nodded, moving so that our lips were almost touching. I needed this. I needed someone.

“Unless, you don’t want to kiss me, that is.” I looked down, embarrassed by my actions, until his finger lifted my chin and he shook his head. He pressed his lips to mine, softly and slowly at first and then faster and rougher.

His hands rested on my hips and pushed my t-shirt up higher, leaving everything below my waist exposed. “Kenny,” I moaned, unable to control myself anymore. My hands were in his hair, my nails were digging into his back. Our tongues were tangling, meshing and melding together. His touch was gentle and rough at the same time, almost perfect.

“We’ve gotta stop, Ani,” he sighed, kissing me again, and then rolling away. I pulled him back, desperate to keep him close. “I can’t. I’m not going to, y’know.” I nodded rolling onto my side, away from Kennedy. “It’s just, I can’t. Y’know? Garrett’s one of my best friend. That would be a shitty thing to do to him.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have started anything.”

“We didn’t do anything wrong,” he whispered. “I mean, it isn’t like you and Garrett are together or anything. And we’re adults. We get to make our own choices. I just think that we should stop before we take this too far,” he reasoned. I sighed, moving next to him.

“Fine,” I whispered, unsure of what I was thinking and feeling. I wanted to be closer to him; to anyone. I needed to be close to someone.

“Don’t be mad, Ani. Please, you have to understand where I am coming from.” I nodded, burying my face in his chest.

“I do. I do understand, can you please just hold me?” He nodded, winding his arms around my waist. If I closed my eyes and tried hard enough, I could almost pretend he was Garrett.