You Just Have to Get Used to It

Justin's POV

Diet Coke and Pulp Fiction. Occupying myself from my terrible habit has gotten harder to do over the time I've spent in Japan. All of the people I've met here are so nice and this town is so nice, but being so nice gets to be so boring sometimes. But Quentin Tarrentino can keep me straight for just a little while longer if I just focus. I've been here for a while now since I decided to do the things I needed to do before I died at the thought of Liz getting married. It's my personal suicide bomb and I'd like to have some nice times before she takes me away from all of the good in the world.

She's my little worker bee. Always running around like a chicken with their head cut off for me. She doesn't have to do that for this guy. It's for the better, I guess. That's what I keep telling myself.

I've had a few intimate encounters with a few girls here. All serious fans of me which I still don't understand. I'm starting to deteriorate, so therefore, they don't stay around long. They still love my music, they still have the obsessive crush they did before they met me, but they disappear before they see the real insides of the person they so desperately idolize. Honestly, I'm just an effigy of my formal self. But they don't know that. Mel does, but she's a different issue. We don't have that same...lust? Can I even say that? I hate that word. Fine; lust for each other that we did when we first came here. I've had some nice times with her, but it's not on a constant basis and it's nothing I could keep up with. She's too busy and I'm too not-busy.

I'm staring at the screen of this small TV with the shakes. I hate it when I get them, but I can't do shit about it. I can't tell you how much I want to stop this, but I have to make it through this. As much as my Cloak and Dagger fetish finds itself appearing in my personal life, I can't think about the things that could've been and I just need to move on. But how could you ask the wannabe director to move away from the most heart-wrenching plot you've ever heard of ?

I forgot about the auction thing. In the middle of my movie, I realized that I needed to be somewhere. I knew I had to be somewhere, so I went to go shave because I've had this beard for far too long and it's scaring people. I took a quick shower and put some hair gel in my hair. "Back to 2005." I said, looking at myself. Two, three years in the making now. You could say I'm a bit older than I was when we first began. Mel was depending on me to be there. I’m the main course, you see. I don’t know in what universe that sounds right but here, but I gotta go.

I got a taxi and sped over to the place. I went through the back and got in the back of the line. The guy in charge started muttering in Japanese about how late I was and how I scared the life out of him. I apologized and he calmed down. I waited patiently in line, hoping that whoever had the money wasn’t a mass murderer. The reason I’m doing this is mainly because Mel asked me to and she needed the help, but it also goes to a good cause. Something about kids dying or other? I’m not sure what it is, frankly. I trust Mel. Is there anything else I need to worry about?

The man goes on about how I’m the frontman on Motion City Soundtrack and I crack my knuckles. I exhale and walk out in my layered shirts and gray pants with red Converses with neon green shoelaces. Pretty classic for me. I heard a few “I love you, Justin”s and smiled appreciatively. Boy, do they not know me in the slightest.

Japanese voices go back and forth. Wow, this is a lot more than I expected. Our fanbase is so large here I might consider living here permanently. “10,000 yen,” a non-Japanese voice says from the back. I’m trying to see who the hell it is, because it doesn’t sound like Mel. And then I know exactly who it was before they turn the spotlight on her. “Liz,” I mouth. I see who she’s with and smirk at her. She walks up and hands the money to the auctioneer. I mutter something Japanese to her and she looks at me like I have three heads.

“I said, ‘hello, Liz. Fancy seeing you here.’ Or something along those lines.” She looked troubled. What about? I turned to Mel. Usually serious around me, she looked amused. Another storybook setup. “Evening, Mel. How are you?”

“Oh, I’m great.” She said, looking at me and then looking at Liz. I wonder what her plan was. I’d like to find out. “Liz came all the way here to talk to me about something important. I forgot that you would be here.” Her voice sounded almost like she was suppressing laughter, but somehow a bit angered. I don’t know how you pull off both, but she did. Mel’s emotions always seem to burst from the seams when she was talking. Liz didn’t always catch it and neither did I. I’ve been noticing it more and more lately. Maybe she’s mad at me for not being what she wanted. I hope that she stops being mad at me. I like to spend time with her and she knows this place better than I do. Ah well.

“I almost did too.” I replied. “So, are we going to go out to eat or what?” I had a lot of questions and I hoped for some answers. I followed Liz and Mel out to her Lambo. I got in the passengers’ seat behind the two of them. Mel turned on the radio and some Japanese pop band sang what sounded like the theme to an anime. Mel hummed along to the tune and I looked around. My thoughts wonder to the last time I was back here. I immediately shake that off because it’s not exactly a good way to remember the famous author Melanie Burke.

We parked the car and walked inside the building. It was the bar that we went to when we first came here. She said she comes here all the time now. Karaoke; it’s the feminine flaw. I haven’t met a woman who hates karaoke. Hell, I haven’t met a woman who doesn’t at least like karaoke. Liz walked slower to keep up Mel’s pace. I walked a reasonably fast pace. So did Liz, but Mel always walked a bit slower than I’d like.

She started talking about something and I opened up the door for them. Something about “discussion” and whatever. This is going to bring up some issues. They disappeared into the crowd before I could say something. Some dinner this is. I spent five minutes trying to find them to no avail. I sighed and took a seat at the bar. “Just get me anything non-alcoholic.” The bartender made me a margarita of some sort. Could I look any fruitier. “Here’s to being responsible.” I said before taking a swig.

Eventually, I realized that they were in line to do karaoke. Both looked happy. It’s weird. I don’t know why, but it’s weird now. Such a change of heart. I’m happy that they’re happy, but why did they suddenly change emotions so suddenly? It was all confusing, I just tried to think of how to make this less confusing.

They picked “It Had To Be You” as their choice. Mel knew they had the majority of the MCS catalog to choose from. I wrote it in between seeing her and it just came together. The funny thing is it was meant to be a duet, but not. It ended up being absolutely perfect. Mel and Liz talk to each other for a moment and look towards me a second and back to each other. She smiles and Mel disappears into the crowd. Liz starts walking towards me.

“I guess we should have that dinner date then?” I said before she sat down on the stool next to me.

“I guess we should.” She replied.

“So, how’s Zach?” I asked my first question.

“I dunno. I turned down his proposal.” She looked in the need of a drink right now.

“Do you want a drink?”

“Let me finish this and I’ll get to that.” Finish what? She sighs. I guess she got my confusion. “I turned him down because I didn’t think I would live up to the expectations that he had for us as a couple.”

“You guys were great together. I know you really cared about him.” And I know I got in the way of that.

“I know, I know. But I can’t commit either, I found out. The idea of-”

“Marriage? Kids? Commitment?”

“All three frighten me a great deal. But I can’t really avoid it, I guess.”

“You sure you don’t want a drink?”

“Can we talk outside?”

“Would that be a no?”

“Justin, I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” How can you not have a drink?

“Justin, I can’t.” she echoed, staring me straight in the eyes.

“You-Oh my God. You’re…” It all suddenly clicked. “But how-”

“What did we do three months ago?”

“Holy fuck.” I turned away and struggled to take hold of the events happening. “You certainly didn’t avoid all the commitment you would’ve gotten from marrying Zach.”

“I didn’t think it would be fair to have Zach raise your kid. That would make me an asshole. I came here to talk to Mel for guidance and what to do. I was planning to tell you after I heard what she had to say about it.”

“Well, why didn’t you tell me to begin with?”

“I was scared and confused.” She looked down at the floor. “I can’t really hear anything right now. Can we talk outside?”

“Yeah.” I headed out and she followed. We sat down on the sidewalk outside of the building. “So, I’m going to be a dad?”

She nodded. “Most definitely. I even went to the doctor to make sure the five pregnancy tests weren't fucked up. I am having a kid in six months.”

“So what are we going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“What should we do about this?”

“That’s what I was going to ask you about.” She looked up at the sky of this wonderful town. “I didn’t want to get rid of he or she without having your permission.”

“Do you want to?”

She was quiet for a moment. “Not really, no. I need some reason to stay stable in my life. I feel like I can’t stay still for some reason.” I combed my fingers through her hair. She made a small smile. “You haven’t done that since I first met you.”

“I haven’t? Are you sure?”

“I’m about certain. I might be wrong.” We both laughed.

“Are we going to…” I couldn’t really get my point across, so I tried to describe with hand motions.

“I’m not going to force you to be in a relationship with me, but if I’m going to have this baby, then all I ask is that you visit and spend time with him or her.”

“Okay.”

“I know neither of us are good when maintaining relationships, so I wanted to make it easy for us.”

“Yeah.”

She exhales and hugs me. “Oh God. This is really happening.”

“I know. Unless this is some sick practical joke, everything feels so…”

“Different?”

“Yeah.”

“Is everything going to be alright?”

“Everything is alright.” I hoped to God that I could make that so, but there is nothing I can say for sure. This proves that nothing is set in stone. We really can’t get used to the constantly changing world we live in. We just have to live with the way life is. Everything changes you a little bit and wishing that I’m not that way doesn’t do a thing. I guess you could say that what doesn’t kill you makes you who you are. You might even bring something new into the world.