Days Like Masquerades

I tell Mom that I'm going out to dinner with the Jennifers, but I really go out with James, Carlos, Logan, Kendall, and Jo to the ice skating rink. Katie comes along, making a face at Kendall and Jo.

As I lace up the skates, Katie turns to me. "Did you know Jo lied to them?" she asks, hands on her hips. "She pretended to have a boyfriend in front of all the guys, and now she likes Kendall? I don't get it!"

"Me neither," I reply, sighing. Kendall and Jo are skating close, even though he told me a couple days ago that they have nothing in common. Carlos, James, and Logan sigh.

"Totally unfair!"

"This sucks!"

James sighs. "She's so hot." I clear my throat, and the three of them jump. "I mean, you're pretty too, Gen, it's just..." James looks at the ground. "You'll always feel something for the first crush you had, you know?"

Maybe I don't know. Maybe it's been a while since I've actually liked someone. Maybe I don't remember what it feels like to have a crush on someone.

The music slows down and the lights dim, and James reaches for my hand. "Let's show them how it's done!" he shouts, glaring at Kendall and Jo. He tugs me along as the red lights shine down on us. Kendall and Jo skate past us easily while James struggles to help me stand on ice.

"C'mon, girl! Put some thigh muscle into it!" Katie shouts from the sidelines. My face turns red. The other couples skating on the ice rink snicker as James holds my waist and scoots me along.

"I'm really sorry, James," I apologize as he sticks out a hand for the third time to help me up. "This must be really annoying to you."

"It's okay. Not everyone's good at skating," he replies, pulling me up and pushing me forward again. Kendall and Jo take a break and wave to us from the bleachers. Katie, Carlos, and Logan zoom past me.

"You need to teach me how to do this some time," I say, gripping the wall to climb out of the rink.

James winks. "I think I can arrange that."

> >

It's ten P.M and I'm sitting near the pool, watching the aquamarine water lap against the concrete pool. I kick my feet lazily, the hem of my dress floating up and drifting down with each movement. Footsteps approach the pool chair.

"Hey," Kendall says softly. "Mind if I join you?"

I shrug.

He sits down and sighs. "Jo and I have nothing in common." The small waves crash onto the concrete and splash at my fingers.

"Are you listening to me?" he asks.

"Yeah."

Kendall leans back in the chair and stares at the stars. "I really thought I had a chance with her. I really thought we could go somewhere."

I run my fingers through my strawberry blonde hair, the pool water slicking my bangs back. "Why did you like her in the first place?"

He raises his eyebrows.

"Well?"

Kendall looks at me.

"Didn't you have a reason?"

"...I thought she was beautiful." He shakes his head, gripping his blond hair. "God, I feel so stupid!"

I really want to shout that he should feel stupid, but I feel that'd be a little too dramatic, even for Camille's standards. It seems like a bad time to tell him the truth. "We all make mistakes," I reply, standing up and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Besides, isn't this against any friendship code?"

"...What do you mean?" He looks up at me, his jade eyes wide.

"It's unfair for you to date her when your best friends like her too." It's always been that unwritten rule; you steer away from someone you and a friend mutually like. It's common courtesy. Or, at least, I would think so.

"I guess you're right."

How about I am right?

"You and James seemed really close tonight," Kendall says, grinning sadly. "Do you like him?"

"I don't know." James is a cute guy, but he's a bit too feminine for my taste. I don't want a guy taking more time to get ready than I do.

He nods. "He's a great guy."

"Easy for you to say. He's your friend."

Kendall looks at me. "He's your friend too."

> >

The next morning, the Jennifers and I are lounging by the pool, soaking up more sun. I think I'm five shades darker than I was a week ago. Through my sunglasses, I see a pale girl with dark hair dressed in tight track pants and a teal hoodie. Camille trails behind her.

"My name is Kandi, and I don't play games
I like to rap, and I'm scared of planes
I'm not a dork, a loser, a fool, or a bum
But I like to dance, to sing, and to drum."

Kandi flashes a smile at the guys, and Brunette Jennifer laughs. "We have enough female rap artists as it is. And a white one? Really? I'm surprised that people even like Ke$ha," she scoffs. Blonde and Curly-haired Jennifer high-five her.

Logan's the first to shake Kandi's hand, and Camille glares at her. I start to get up, but Blonde Jennifer pulls me back down. "We'll wait for her to come to us," she says, flipping through the new issue of Vogue. "I'm busy right now."

"Me too," the others reply, leaning back in their chairs.

I feel the need to break from this charade, watching Kendall talk to Kandi. I feel a tinge of jealousy as they all laugh together, even Camille. I wish I could hang out with them. I wish I didn't have to tan all the time.

But then again, I love the attention everyone gives me now. I didn't blend into the background anymore. I'm not so much a wallflower as I was before.

I may not be finding myself, but other people are finding me. And I'm enjoying it.