Nobody Wins

“Sam,” the voice was whispering in my ear while shaking me wildly, “chica you’ve been asleep for like two days. Get up.”Carlie always woke me up at the worst possible times.

I groaned and rolled over, “I’m up. What do you want?”

“Don’t be a bitch,” she sighed, “and I don’t want anything. T.J and David want us to come over. I wasn’t even going to wake you up but T.J said I should.” Blehh that would require moving. Fuck.

“Fine.” I groaned again. I secretly wanted to go but I was sort of nervous to see T.J because after the whole breaking down on the side of the road incident I wasn’t sure where we stood.
Thirty minutes later we were showered and dressed and on our way to T.Js apartment. I thought it was strange that carlie never asked me about what happened or why I slept for two days in my cave of a room. Maybe she didn’t care, but that just wasn’t her. She cared about everyone even her sister, who is Satan’s daughter (I’m serious. She is evil).

“We’re here!” Carlie practically yelled in my ear. This was going to be a long night if I was going to listen to her scream every ten minutes. We walked into the lobby and up the stairs, lots of stairs; apparently no one likes the elevator anymore. But we made it and I’m pretty sure I was sweating a little. Carlie banged on the door four times and then walked through it.

T.J was sitting on the couch and David was next to him, they were both zoned into call of duty on the large plasma in the middle of the room. Figures, boys and their toys. Carlie cleared her throat and they both looked over. David’s face lit up as soon as he saw carlie and he practically jumped off the couch to hug her. He couldn’t just hug her(of course not) he had to be all dramatic about it and pick her up and swing her around like some cheesy scene from a romantic comedy, in the process almost getting me kicked in the face. I was getting crankier and crankier while I was watching them.

“Hey guys if you keep it up I might have to throw up,” T.J said while making a gagging motion. He winked at me and I couldn’t help but blush.

“Moment ruiner,”Perry chuckled while grabbing his coat.

“Ok we’re leaving. You two play nice,” she said while winking at me.

“I thought you were staying here,” I questioned. I was getting sick of her dragging me along and leaving me.

“Well we were but I wanted a date night.” I just wanted punch her in the face.

I plastered the fakest smile I could on my face and nodded, “Oh, ok. Have fun then.”
When the door shut behind them I flung myself on the nearest couch and let out a frustrated yell. T.J just smiled and sat down next to me.

“We should talk,” He said all matter of factly. I wanted to panic or run but I was sure he could catch me. So I went for option number three.

“About what?” I put on my best puppy eyes as I glanced up at him. He wasn’t falling for it.

“I’m serious Samantha. We need to talk about what happened.” I cringed; I hated it when people used my full name.
I sighed, there was no around this, “What do you want to know.”

“Everything.”

“It’s a long story T.J and I honestly haven’t told anyone.” The more I thought about it the more emotional I felt myself get.

“Well holding it in won’t do you any good.” He was right; I needed to get it out.

I took a deep breath, “Well alright. Scott and I were together for 2 years, I loved him so much it was ridiculous. About a year and a half into the relationship I got pregnant. Scott was all excited and proposed and I stupidly said yes,” I could feel the tears, “I miscarried a month later and that was probably the start of Stefanie coming around more. She said it was to make sure we were both coping well, but she was just making up excuses to come over and fuck him. I guess I knew he was cheating on me and It didn’t screw with me or anything, the day I was going to dump him my parents called to tell me my sister was in a car accident. So naturally I flew to Florida that night. I came back to a week later to find them in our bed with a ring on her finger. And that’s when I packed my shit and bought a one-way ticket to St. Louis.” I was starting to get a little hysterical, but T.J was just staring at me. Then he started to look mad.

“How could you let someone walk all over you for six months?” He yelled at me. All I could do was stare at him in shock.

“Maybe you didn’t hear me T.J. I lost my baby. That’s hard to deal with on your own. And yea maybe I let him walk all over me for six months but we were in a relationship and you don’t just bail on that. But you wouldn’t understand that!” I barely knew this kid and we were fighting like we’d know each other forever.

“And why wouldn’t I understand? Please enlighten me oh wise one.” Now we were both red. I had never been so furious in my life.

“I’m T.J Oshie and I like to fuck like a monkey and I’m such a player I don’t just want one girl when I could have them all.” I spat in a dangerously mocking tone.

He stared at me with his eyes wide before I saw the fury flash in his eyes and he got a wicked smile, “And I’m Samantha and I’m so afraid to do the woman thing and be independent and strong that I have to have a breakdown on a random backstreet in a complete stranger’s car.”

That when I lost it, I lunged at him. I guess he wasn’t expecting it because he looked surprised when I was on top of him punching him in the face. All the anger, pain, and hurt just came out. Behind me I heard a shrill “what the fuck” but I didn’t turn around.

Then I felt arms wrap around my waist and separate me from T.J. I fought for a minute before I heard a whisper in my ear, “Stop. You need to go outside and cool off.” With that David let me go and I stormed out the door and down to the front steps of the building.

At first I just stared at the pavement, then the sky, but in the end my eyes searched for the silver monument in the distance. I let my anger and frustration out on T.J and I felt bad for that, but to finally get it out was like a seven ton brick off my shoulders. I cleared my head but I wasn’t ready to leave the steps just yet. I came to St. Louis to get away from my problems, but I started new ones while dealing with the old ones. This was getting really complicated, and I wasn’t good with complicated.

“I’m sorry,” He said as he sat down next to me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked at his face and he looked genuinely sorry through the cut lip and bruised cheek.

“Me to, I didn’t mean to take it out you, I-I just lost it,” I said looking at the ground again.

“I know. It wouldn’t have even happened if I hadn’t pushed you so far” He said as he put his arm around my shoulders.

“This is all so complicated, I’m sorry that I’m getting you involved” I closed my eyes and leaned into his chest.

“I don’t mind,” he whispered into my hair.