You're My Addiction

Ellie smiled as she sat on the steps to the porch in the front of the house. It was sunny outside and the temperature wasn’t too hot so there was no reason not to be in a good mood. Her spirits had been higher lately, and everything had gone back to normal after Las Vegas. Zacky had acted a little awkward when she was in the same room as Brian, but then he realized there was no reason to be.

After a few weeks, Ellie had adopted a rescue dog. It was a golden retriever that she affectionately named Ginger. She had to go through a lot of trouble to get the dog, but it was worth it since it was well behaved and the sweetest dog she had ever met. Matt was upset at first, but it didn’t take long for Ginger to break down his tough exterior. Secretly, Ellie knew he loved the dog because she heard him talking to Ginger when he thought no one else was around. Zacky and Brian loved her too. Zacky played with her the most, while Brian enjoyed taking naps with her on the couch.

Ellie had just come back from a nice walk with Ginger, who sat next to her on the steps, panting. Ellie petted her head, and Ginger gave her a quick lick on the cheek. Ellie laughed and thought that this dog was just one more thing that would be able to help her mend her heartache.

Just then, Brian pulled into the drive way with Jimmy sitting in the passenger seat. Ginger leapt up and ran to greet him as he got out of his truck. Brian had a bag in his hand, and the dog jumped up and down excitedly thinking he had something for her. He just laughed and petted her and he made his way over to Ellie. Jimmy greeted her and then walked into the house, most likely searching for food, while Brian stayed outside.

“You’re not working today?” he asked as he stopped at the step right below her.

“Nope, I have the day off,” Ellie replied. “I was supposed to be helping Val with wedding plans, but I decided to escape as soon as I could.”

“I wouldn’t want to spend a whole day planning a wedding either,” Brian said. They heard some commotion from inside of the house and Ellie cringed a little bit. It was easy to tell that Matt and Val were arguing with each other. “I guess that’s why you escaped though.”

“Yeah, they started arguing about an hour ago over the flowers. He said she was picking out too many flowers, and she said she hadn’t picked out enough,” Ellie explained. “Then that just made them yell about everything else they didn’t agree on. I decided it would be a good idea to move out of the way while they sorted everything out alone. I think they’re just starting to get really stressed out. Don’t worry though; I don’t think this fight is as bad as the one that happened last week.”

Matt and Val had been arguing more and more since they returned home. It was because they were planning all the details for the wedding, though, and both of them were becoming more and more touchy as the date grew closer. The wedding was still a good five months away, but time always seemed to go by so fast.

Last week, Matt had experienced his first scare over being married. He realized he was going to be with one person for the rest of his life, and he got scared. Instead of going to Ellie or Val with his anxieties, he went to Brian and Zacky, which just made everything worse. When Val finally got to him he was scared beyond belief and she spent a couple of days trying to repair the damage. They fought a lot during that time, but they made it through. It seemed like they were fighting more and more, but Ellie knew they would be fine by the time the wedding came around, and their relationship would be stronger than ever.

“Hey, this time it wasn’t my fault!” Brian said defensively.

Ellie laughed and then replied, “I know. They’ll get over this fight fast enough, too. Besides, Val is in a good mood today since we’re going dress shopping tomorrow.”

“Already?” he asked. “Does that mean they decided on a color yet?”

“That’s what they’re fighting over now,” Ellie explained. The biggest debate over the wedding was what color everything was going to be. Matt wanted red while Val wanted turquoise blue. “They’re supposed to settle on one today so we can pick out bridesmaids dresses tomorrow, too.”

“I’m assuming that means Michelle is going too?” Brian asked. Ellie knew that Michelle was Val’s twin, but she never met her before. Everyone generally said nice things about her, though. Brian made a face, and it made Ellie curious.

“Of course Michelle is going, she’s Val’s sister and maid of honor,” Ellie said. “Do you not like her or something?”

“It’s not that,” Brian said as he rubbed the back of his neck. “We kind of dated for awhile on and off, but that’s been over for awhile now. Sometimes when she comes around I feel weird around her, like she might be mad at me, but I think I’m just being paranoid.”

Ellie was a little surprised to find that he had found another girl that he had almost considered a girlfriend. It sounded almost like the same relationship he and Ellie had been in together. “Well, how did it end? Did something bad happen?” she asked.

“No,” he answered. “We just found that we weren’t really compatible in that way and we were better off as friends. It was sort of a mutual decision because I think we both realized we couldn’t get along enough to have that kind of relationship. We didn’t have enough in common.”

“Well, you shouldn’t feel anxious around her then if it was a mutual decision. Sometimes some things just aren’t meant to be, and there’s nothing you can do to fix that,” Ellie said.

“I guess so,” he said and they were left in silence for awhile. Ellie thought they were having a nice conversation that a pair of friends would have, and for once she felt no sexual tension between them. “What about you? Was there anyone you were serious with in college?”

“Not really,” Ellie lied. “And if there was, it wouldn’t matter now since I’m here in California.”

Ellie had half lied. There was someone that she could have considered “special”, but she never really did, so that’s why she gave that answer. She had been with someone, but it was never really a true relationship, in her opinion. There was only one reason it wasn’t though, and that was because she was never able to devote herself to him completely. That’s not saying she cheated on him, because she didn’t. She just couldn’t bring herself to love him, only for one reason.

That reason was Brian.

“Come on, Ellie! Just come out with us this one time! You’ve been moping around the room for the past couple of weeks, and I think it’s time for you to get out a little!” Sara whined as she pulled on Ellie’s arm. They were in their junior year of college now, and they were still roommates.

Ellie owed a lot to Sarah. They had completely different personalities, but they seemed to fit perfectly as friends. Sometimes Ellie believed if she hadn’t been paired with someone so energetic, she would have fallen into a hole that she never could have come out of again. She knew Sara knew there was something still wrong with Ellie’s emotions, but she never asked, and Ellie never told her.

She loved Sara like a sister though, and she was grateful that she was put in her path. Ellie was still stuck on Brian, of course, while Sara was still with the same boyfriend. Ellie knew they were going to get married the moment they graduated from college together.

“I don’t know, Sara. I just don’t feel in the mood to go out and I have a lot of studying to get done,” she said, trying to get out of it. Lately, she would get in moods where she would mope around for a few weeks, but once it was over she was back to her old self. Usually certain things triggered these moods, and she knew exactly what it was this time.

About a week and a half ago, Ellie had been watching MTV when one of their short news clips had come on. Usually, they profiled huge stars like Justin Timberlake, but not this time. This time, they were profiling an up and coming band straight out of Huntington Beach, California. When she heard that, her heart dropped into her stomach. She knew who they were talking about before they could say it.

And then, there he was on the television, right next to her brother, looking as carefree and heartbreakingly handsome as ever. She changed the channel after looking at him for less than five seconds. It was the closest thing to seeing him in person in about two and a half years, and obviously he wasn’t thinking about her anymore. And why should he? Ellie didn’t blame him, but she was mad that she couldn’t forget Brian in the same way he could forget her.

She was happy for their success, sure. She was just unhappy that the little clip on MTV was going to make her miserable for the next couple of weeks.

“Don’t pull that with me,” Sara replied sternly. She quickly went to Ellie’s closet and roughly searched through her clothes. “You’ve buried yourself in your books for three weeks straight, hiding from the world; it’s time to come out of your cave for one night, for me. You’re doing amazing this semester, so I’m sure you can tear yourself away from your medical studies for just one night. We’re going to a bar, and just so you know, Will’s friend Chris is going to be there. He’s been wanting to meet you for the longest time.”

“I’m not interested in boys,” Ellie said, not even looking up from her textbook. She always found studying was the most effective way to keep Brian off of her mind. “I’m interested in passing all of my courses. You know that my classes become smaller and smaller each semester because there is still the chance to fail out of the program.”

“Ellie, seriously, you’re not going to fail. It’s just one night, and a cute boy wants to flirt with you and buy you a drink. What’s so bad about that? I’ve watched you since I met you, and you don’t give anyone a passing glance, so now I’m doing some of the work for you. I’m not saying you have to marry this guy, I’m just suggesting that you get to know him and see if there’s any potential.”

Ellie sighed and rubbed her eyes in defeat. Sara pulled something out of Ellie’s closet, suggesting that she should wear it, but she ignored her. “Fine, I’ll go. I have to take a shower first though, and don’t expect too much. I haven’t done anything like this in a long time.”

“Yay! I’m excited!” Sara exclaimed as she clapped her hands together. “And trust me, flirting is a natural thing. I’ve seen you do it to get things before, like cutting a long line, so that’s how I know you’re not totally helpless.”

“Gee, thanks,” Ellie said sarcastically. “I’ll be ready to go in about forty minutes. And remember; don’t get your hopes up.”

Ellie may not have been interested in boys in the past few years, and she may not have wanted to try hard that night, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to try and look presentable. Lately, she had been going for looking good without making it seem like she was trying too hard. She hadn’t been making an effort to keep up on her looks lately though, and she had to admit it felt kind of good to put make up on. It didn’t feel so bad to know that a guy was interested in her either.

They were going to a bar, so she settled on ripped jeans and a plain black t-shirt. She wore one of her oldest belts for a confidence booster to help her through the night. Even though Ellie and Sara had become best friends, they couldn’t have looked more different. Sara wore a cute pink dress to go out, even though it definitely would make her look out of place.

Ellie had grown her hair out a lot since she moved to Pennsylvania and it now came halfway down her back in loose curls. And now that she was twenty one, she had finally finished maturing in every way, even though it seemed that she was still a little bit on the shorter side.

Ellie and Sara went to the bar separately from her boyfriend and his friend, and when they arrived, the boys had already saved a couple of seats at the bar. Sara immediately ran up to her boyfriend and greeted him, but his friend was still turned around, so Ellie wasn’t able to get a good enough glance to judge how he looked yet. When Sara finished giving Will a quick kiss in greeting, she motioned for Ellie to come over.

“Ellie, this is Will’s friend Chris. Chris, this is Ellie,” Sara introduced them. Ellie wanted to smack the look of anticipation off of her face. She swore she wasn’t going to make a big deal over this. Chris turned around and Ellie noticed that Sara wasn’t lying, he was good looking. He was really good looking in fact, and it made her a little nervous. He was tall, dark, and handsome, and he looked like he could have been a football player, just like Will. He had dark hair that was a little bit on the longer side and crystal blue eyes that Ellie fell in love with immediately.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you, Ellie,” he said, shaking her hand. Chris smiled and she almost died. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

Ellie grabbed the seat next to him and replied, “Sure. Uh, I guess a beer would be nice.”

Chris ordered for the both of them and looked at her with a laugh. “Wow, I’m surprised. When Sara said she was bringing her friend, I didn’t think she would order a beer.”

They both looked over at Sara, who had just received a pink Cosmo, and they both laughed. “I guess you thought I was going to be exactly like her, huh? We’re pretty much polar opposites, but I like it that way. I don’t think I could have ended up with a better friend. Are you disappointed that I didn’t come dressed in a pink outfit?”

Chris laughed and then replied, “No, I’m pleasantly surprised. Not that I have anything against pink or Sara though. Those kinds of girls aren’t really my type though. I prefer low maintenance ones. I am curious to know why a beer is your choice of drink though.”

“I grew up around my brother and his friends, so I guess it was just meant to be that way. I never drank back then, but I guess I just kept them in the back of my mind when I did start going out.”

She smiled at him a little bit before taking a drink. Ellie was attracted to Chris, there was no denying that. She liked his personality and the feeling he gave her when he smiled, and he was unbelievably good looking. He was the type of guy that she never thought could have ever been interested in her, but she could tell he was. They had known each other for five minutes and already he was flirting with her.

Chris was the type of guy she should have wanted to fall in love with. He was nice, he had no tattoos or piercings, and she was sure he didn’t have rock star commitment problems. To give a shorter explanation, Chris was everything Brian was not. He was the model for a perfect boyfriend, but Ellie couldn’t bring herself to give into the feelings of attraction he was giving her for just one reason.

Chris was not Brian. She hated that she was talking to this perfectly good guy right in front of her, but for some reason she couldn’t stop thinking about Brian and the first time he had given her these same feelings. There was just this quality about Brian that made her love him so much, and she just couldn’t explain it.

“Is everything alright?” Chris asked. “You just started looking really sad for a second there.”

“Yeah, everything is fine,” Ellie replied as she put a smile back on her face, pushing the image of Brian away again. “It’s just that- I haven’t done this in awhile, you know?”

He smiled reassuringly and patted her hand. That was the moment when Ellie decided she would give him a chance. She still may not have been over Brian, but maybe focusing on another guy was just the push she needed to help her heal her heart again.

At the end of the night, Ellie agreed to see him another time for a nice dinner. And that was when their relationship started. Ellie refused to feel guilty about trying to start moving on because she was willing to bet that at that exact moment, Brian was probably fucking some groupie on their tour bus somewhere.