You're My Addiction

As much as Ellie was making progress in repairing her relationships with the people from her past, tomorrow was the day that everything had to be put on pause. The boys left for a month long tour along the west coast early in the morning, and they would be ending the tour four weeks later in Las Vegas. That was the concert she was going to see. They had arranged for her and Val to fly out together to meet the boys for their last performance.

Their tour bus was already sitting in front of the house, and Ellie realized it made her feel sad. She was beginning to become attached to the boys again, and she was going to have a hard time saying goodbye to them. She knew they were always excited to go on tour and perform for their fans, but they also were sad to leave everyone behind. It was a bittersweet kind of thing.

In honor of the boys leaving, they were having a gathering so everyone could be together for one last time. It had started out as a barbecue, but dinner was long over with and drinking all day without moderation was starting to take its toll on some people.

Matt stood in the kitchen with his arm around Ellie’s shoulders, having what he was calling ‘sibling bonding time’ in his drunken state. They were looking at the counter, which was covered with numerous different types of different alcoholic beverages.

“I will not allow my baby sister to drink a beer,” he said as he waved his arms around dramatically. “Not in my house.”

“First of all,” Ellie said as she made Matt put his hands at his sides before he hit her by accident. “You’re not our father, so you can’t tell me what to do. And second of all, I’m twenty three. I can go to the liquor store and buy my own alcohol, so I don’t need your permission in what is also considered my house.”

She quickly grabbed a beer of her own off the counter and waved it mockingly at him before turning to go back outside. “I’m proposing to Val,” Matt whispered quickly before she could open the door. Those words were enough to make her stop in her tracks.

Ellie turned around and looked at her brother, only to find that his face was dead serious. “You’re going to propose to her tonight? In this state? I mean, we’ve known Val since school and all, so I expected it to happen sooner or later, but not when you can barely make out a clear sentence. That’s not exactly how every girl plans for her boyfriend to pop the question.”

“That’s why I’m drunk. I was nervous thinking about it all day, so drinking made me a little less nervous and I got carried away,” he said. “I want to do it tonight, though. I want to do it before we go away on tour. I’m just so nervous, Ellie. What if she says no?”

Ellie couldn’t help but smile. Under all the tattoos and piercings, her brother was one of the best men she had ever known, aside from their father. Sure, Matt had some rough patches in his teenage years, but who he was now was what really mattered. She walked over and hugged him as hard as she could.

“If you just think of how many years the two of you have been together, I think you have your answer right there,” she whispered. “Don’t be nervous. Val loves you. She’s loved you since you two were little.”

Ellie felt an overwhelming surge of happiness for her brother. Val and him deserved each other because they were both such amazing people. They had been together since the beginning, and it made Ellie a little bit sad that it couldn’t have turned out the same way for her. The relationship her and Brian had all those years ago had been different, though.

“Thanks, Ellie,” Matt replied, hugging her back. “You’re the best sister a guy could ever ask for, did you know that?”

Ellie laughed and broke away from their hug. “Just promise me you’ll sober up a little bit before asking, though. Drink some water for me.”

She gave him one last reassuring smile before going back outside. Ellie had been around people all day, reconnecting and catching up with people she hadn’t seen before she left for college. After having that conversation, she oddly felt like being alone, though. There was an empty lawn chair up against the side of the house that was a little bit distant from most of the guests. She sat in it and stared blankly ahead at all of the people as she let her thoughts race through her mind.

She watched as Brian’s eyes fell on her, sitting by herself. He gave her a small smile and then began to walk over to her. She smiled back, but her mind screamed out at her. She knew she was becoming too attached again, but she couldn’t help it. She was going to miss him when he was away because her mind was starting to crave the moments when they talked to each other. It reminded her of how their relationship had started last time.

Every time they talked, she could tell there was something cautious about the way they spoke to each other. It was as if they pretended nothing had happened in the past, but Ellie was sure Brian didn’t forget. She knew she didn’t forget because she thought about it every day. She wondered if they were ever going to talk about it again, or if they were going to go on pretending with each other.

He took a seat in the chair next to hers. “You know who I really want to meet one of these days?” Brian asked her with a sly smile. It was a smile that killed her though, because all she could think about now was kissing him.

“No, who would you like to meet?” she asked, smiling back. Ellie knew he was flirting with her, and she was going to do it back, no matter how much she knew it was wrong. He was a little bit tipsy, and it made her think about how Brian always acted towards her when he had been drinking all those years ago.

“Drunk Ellie,” he said with a laugh. “I don’t think Drunk Brian has ever had the pleasure of meeting her before.”

She laughed at him while she thought about how bad it would be if Ellie let that side of her out tonight. It would probably leave her regretting a hundred different things in the morning. “She doesn’t come out very often, and I don’t think she’s going to be here tonight. I promise when you do meet her, though, you will like her a lot. I heard she’s a lot of fun to be around.”

“No shit, Ellie!” Brian exclaimed, patting her on the back. “I wish I could have been there the first time you got drunk. I bet it was funny. I have this theory that people who can never let loose on their own are crazy under the influence of alcohol.”

“Hey! I am not uptight!” Ellie argued. Brian was almost doubled over in laughter.

“Out of all the times we begged you to drink with us when you were in high school, I never saw you take a sip of anything.”

“It wasn’t appealing to me back then,” she replied indignantly. “I was focused on other things, and when I went to college I was never out of control. I had just enough fun so I could say I had the typical college experience. “

Brian smiled at her again before responding. “I was just teasing you about before. You achieved everything you wanted because you worked hard and didn’t get too distracted by anything else. I always admired you for that.”

They looked at each other for what seemed like minutes, and it was then that Ellie felt the urge to ask him why he had to ruin everything for her such a long time ago. Instead, she allowed the urge to pass as she cleared her throat before turning away from him.

“Did you know that Matt is proposing to Val tonight?” She asked him. She knew he was about to answer, but it was at that moment that Zacky called out to Brian. He wanted Brian to come over by the pool so he could show him something.

Brian stood up, but before he left her he bent over so his mouth was just inches away from her ear. “I still really want to meet Drunk Ellie soon. I think we would get along really well.”

As he walked away, shivers ran up and down her spine from his whispers. She couldn’t tell if he was playing games with her or not.

Ellie angrily flipped through the pages of her magazine as she sat outside with Zacky, trying to get some sun. She looked disapprovingly over the rim of her sunglasses at Matt and Brian. They had arrived at the house about twenty minutes ago with a group of chattering, giggling girls, and they were starting to get on Ellie’s last nerve. Especially the platinum blonde one who Brian was paying extra attention to.

Ever since that night that they had kissed, their relationship had progressed from friends to something more. They had, for a lack of better words, been fooling around for a couple of months now, and they were getting pretty good at sneaking around. She knew that Brian didn’t want anything serious, and Ellie knew this was the closest she was going to get to a relationship. In her opinion, something was better than nothing. They kept it a secret because she didn’t want Matt to kill Brian. She wasn’t sure how her brother might take the news that his best friend wasn’t just a friend to his little sister anymore.

Even though they had been in this odd relationship for almost five months now, Ellie still hadn’t had sex with Brian. She knew that he wanted to, but the odd thing was that he never pushed her farther than she was willing to go. Ellie had a feeling it either had to do with the fact that he had known her since she was five so he had respect for her or because she was Matt’s sister and he was a little nervous about what would happen if he ever found out. Ellie had a feeling the latter option held Brian back a little more.

There were many reasons why Ellie hadn’t given in yet, although there were many times she thought her will was going to break, as they almost had come close a few times before she finally realized what was happening and she put a stop to it. She wanted to have sex with him though because he was Brian. She also had this huge knot of dread in her stomach that told her if she didn’t give in soon he would stop their hookups for good so he could move on to someone who would do a little more for him. Ellie was also afraid that once it finally did happen that he would move on since he got everything he needed from her. She had seen him do it to many girls before, and she was scared that it would be no different for her.

She still couldn’t stop herself from hoping he viewed her in a little bit of a better light than all of the girls he had hookups with before. They had known each other for years before they had started this, so Ellie could do nothing put pray she was a little different than the rest.

“I don’t get what they see in girls like this,” Ellie said as she flipped another page in her magazine. She wasn’t even looking at it anymore. “And I don’t know why they always have to bring them here.”

“They like them because they’re easy,” Zacky replied bluntly. “They’re not the type of girls you speak to or even want a friendship with. Matt and Brian are talking to them for one reason and for one reason only. Tomorrow they’ll find another group of girls that are almost exactly like these, and they’ll forget what the names of the girls they were talking to today are.”

“That’s so romantic,” Ellie said bitterly as she rolled her eyes. She glared at Brian under her sunglasses and she wished he could see the look she was giving him right now. Sometimes he made her so angry. “Why aren’t you over there with them?”

“Because I was supposed to hang out with you today,” he answered. Somehow his answer made Ellie even more frustrated. Maybe she was just being oversensitive, but she felt like Zacky would rather talk to those girls than her. Just then Brian looked over at Ellie, and it sent her over the edge.

“I’m going inside. You can talk to them since you want to so bad. I don’t care,” she yelled. Ellie realized she was a little louder and harsher than originally intended. As she went back inside, she knew Brian was watching her.

She immediately went over to pour herself a glass of water, and as she was opening the cabinets, she heard the door open again.

“What’s wrong?” Brian asked as he walked over to stand by her.

“You don’t have to tear yourself away from those girls just to see if I’m okay,” she replied nastily. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your chances of getting anything from them.”

“Are you jealous?” he asked with a little bit of a smirk on his face. He walked over closer to her and put an arm around her waist. She tried to push his arm away, but he only held on to her tighter.

“I’m not jealous, I have no right to be, remember? I believe your exact words were ‘I think it would be better if we weren’t anything serious, you know? It would be better if we just had fun for awhile,’” she spat as she still struggled with Brian’s arm. “Damn it Brian, would you just let go of me?!”

“It’s okay to be jealous, you know? I would be, too. If you want we could go do something today, and I’ll leave them here with Matt.” Ellie didn’t answer him and pretended she didn’t hear anything he just said. He left a gentle trail of kisses up her jaw line and lingered just below her ear. He smiled when she didn’t struggle anymore, and then he whispered into her ear, giving her chills. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

Ellie sighed, and Brian knew he had won. “I’m not mad at you, just don’t do that in front of me again. I know we’re supposed to be allowed to do whatever we want, but it’s just not fair if you try to get with other girls right in front of me, and in my own backyard.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied as he pushed her back up against the kitchen counter. “I like you better than them anyway.”

She punched him playfully in the shoulder and said, “You better like me more than them.”

He laughed and he kissed her passionately. It was one of those kisses that made her legs weak and her mind go blank. She hated the effect he had over her, but she couldn’t help it. At least she meant more to him than the type of girls he considered material for a one night stand.

Ellie sighed into the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She had already forgiven him as soon as he came into the kitchen to talk to her, and she was disappointed that she was never able to stay mad at Brian for longer than a few minutes. She hated that he could make her so jealous, and they had been together for five months, but their relationship was considered no more than something that was fun. But, most of all, she hated that she fell more and more in love with him each day while she was nothing more to him than just another fling.