Could It Last?

Brendon scanned the dark and crowded room he was in. It was the release party for Panic at the Disco’s debut album. Brendon took a sip of his beverage as his eyes focused back on the person he’d been watching all night—Ryan. He always seemed to be focused on Ryan, even when Ryan wasn’t around. Lately, he was all Brendon could think about. Whenever Brendon was thinking of Ryan in a more than friends kind of way, the same recurring thought would flash through his mind: Could it last?

Brendon took another sip of his drink as his eyes continued to follow Ryan. The drink had alcohol in it and even though he was underage, no one seemed to care. He finished his drink and held the glass loosely in his hand. Brendon’s eyes left Ryan as he made his way to the crowded bar. Brendon set the empty glass on the bar and another drink was quickly placed in front of him, without Brendon even having to ask. Grabbing his new drink quickly, he turned around and headed back to the corner he was occupying. It was the best place to see the whole room.

His eyes scanned the mass of people until they landed on a familiar face that was heading his way. Brendon tensed slightly as his stomach filled with the nervous butterflies he felt every time Ryan came near him. When Ryan was an arms-length away from Brendon, he stumbled slightly almost spilling the rest of his drink. Brendon reached out and touched Ryan’s shoulder as he steadied himself.

“You okay?” Brendon asked.

“I’m great,” Ryan said, smiling. He moved to stand next to Brendon and threw his arm around Brendon’s shoulders. “Can you believe this is for us?”

“It’s hard to believe,” Brendon replied, chuckling before taking a sip of his drink. The pair was silent as they both watched the crowd. Brendon could feel Ryan’s arm slipping and it wasn’t long before it was around his lower back.

“Brendon?” Ryan said. Brendon turned his head so that he could look at Ryan.

“Yeah?” he replied. Ryan just stared at Brendon for a moment before looking away and back at the crowd.

“Nothing,” he said. Brendon felt slightly disappointed, though he wasn’t exactly sure why. Maybe he was just hoping that Ryan would do something. Like—kiss him. Brendon had had dreams about Ryan kissing him, but he knew that those dreams just wouldn’t come true. At least, he thought they wouldn’t. A part of him thought that maybe one day it would. The part of him that was focusing on the fact that Ryan now had his hand on Brendon’s back and was rubbing it slowly believed that there was a chance.

Brendon turned to look at Ryan again.

“Ryan?” Brendon asked. Ryan looked at him.

“Yeah?” he replied. Brendon felt Ryan’s hand stop moving and could feel it resting just above the top of the back of his jeans. Without a word, Brendon set his drink down and stepped forward before grabbing Ryan’s hand.

Brendon walked quickly with Ryan in tow, not sure where he was going. He looked around for a door to some room that would be free of people. Brendon felt a tug on his arm and looked at Ryan.

“This way,” Ryan said. Before he knew what was going on, Brendon was following Ryan through a door by the bar. It led to what Brendon could only assume was the back room. Ryan let go of Brendon’s hand and they looked at each other.

They were alone at last.

Without thinking, Brendon moved forward quickly so that his body pushed against Ryan’s until he felt Ryan make contact with a wall. They stayed like that for a moment—bodies pressed together, faces inches apart, and breathing heavier than they were a moment before.

Brendon wasn’t sure who initiated the kiss. All he knew was that Ryan’s lips were touching his and Ryan’s tongue was in Brendon’s mouth. It wasn’t anything like Brendon had dreamed. It was clumsy and heated, rough and messy. But it somehow still managed to be better than in his dreams, because this was real. This was really happening.

And while all of this occurred, all Brendon could think was, Could it last?