Broken Hearted

Two weeks. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve talked to Shaun, since he’s told me him and Ashley were over with, since he told me he wanted to be with me and since I’ve shot him down.

I had imagined the day he’d come running to me when they’d break up about million times. It always ended happily in my head; I’d take him back, he’d tell me how much he loved me and how stupid he had been for choosing her over me, and I’d forgive him and we’d share this intense kiss and everything would end happily; but of course, life isn’t always about happy endings and happily ever afters. I should’ve probably expected it too, but I was clearly to in love with the boy to actually think logically.

“Alison, I think you should’ve just accepted his apology and agree to be with him.” Scotty replied.

I had been talking to him and Mason over the phone about Shaun for the past hour, Scotty and Mason had two very different opinions over the situation.

“No! She was right to do that! Shaun had it fucking coming!” Mason retorted.

“How? He said he was sorry and shit!”

“Yes, but that’s not that point! The point is; the only reason he came to her was because Ashley broke up with him! It would be a completely different situation if he broke up with her.” Mason replied.

“How?” Scotty asked.

“Think about it Scotty,” I started, “A girl you really like who likes you back gets dumped by her boyfriend and before you know it, shows up on your doorstep and wants to go out with you. You’d be the fucking rebound. If she broke up with him and came running to you, that’d be completely different.” I explained.

“I guess, but he doesn’t like you, he loves you.”

“And if he loved her he wouldn’t have put her through half the shit he did, and he wouldn’t have waited for Ashley to dump him to be with her.” Mason replied.

“But, dude… you’ve been waiting for this though, for years, haven’t you?” Scotty asked; Mason had nothing to say.

“Yes, but not like this. He wasn’t supposed to want me because he got dumped; he was supposed to break up with Ashley because he wanted to be with me. He was supposed to want to be with me because he loved me, not because he can’t stand being alone.”

“Dude, you haven’t talked to him in two weeks… he’s a wreck right now. He has no idea what to do with himself right now because you’re not around. He loves you, dude, we all know he does. He fucking needs you, he needs you more than he knows and more than you know. You both need each other, you’re both miserable without each other.” Scotty stated.

I think out of everything anyone has said, what Scotty just said made the most sense, and was the clearest.

I did need him; I needed him a lot more than I knew I did. I’m definitely miserable without him; as much as I hate to admit it and hate to admit how reliant I am on a guy, it was very much true. I needed him around; I wasn’t the same when he wasn’t around. Around him I was care free, laid back, fun… happy. I was more than happy around him and when I wasn’t happy, it was because it was during a time when we weren’t talking or mad at each other.

He was just as lifeless as me when we weren’t talking or around each other. We were each other’s better half. Our relationship was as simple as that.

“Oh, I think Mason has nothing to say.” Scotty sang happily, clearly happy with himself.

“It’s ‘cause you’re right about that, you two really do need each other, even if you’re both too stubborn to admit it, it’s very true. You two are never the same when you aren’t around each other. It’s like you two have fallen under this weird depression when you guys aren’t talking or upset at each other. It shows, it really does. It shows in your voice, on your face, in your riding, it shows hardcore when you two aren’t all buddy-buddy.”

There was a light knock on my front door and I sighed heavily.

“Look, I gotta go. I’ll call you two later.” I replied.

“Alright, feel better dude.” Scotty replied.

“Ya, ditto.” Mason laughed before we all hung up.

I tossed my phone lightly on my couch before making my way to my front door where the person had knocked lightly once again.

I barely opened the door before the person pushed the door open and crashed their lips on mine.

Before I had anytime to feel anything I had pushed him away from me, “What the fuck Shaun?” I asked harshly.

“I’m sorry, not about the kiss, but about everything else.” He spat out quickly, as he nervously ran his fingers through his hair.

“What?” I asked, slightly confused because I didn’t hear a word of anything that came out of his mouth.

“I said I’m sorry. I’m sorry about absolutely everything I put you through, and I feel like such an asshole for doing all of that to you. You didn’t deserve any of it, and I’m really, really sorry Alison, I really am. If I could fix everything and make it all right, I would, in a heartbeat, no questions asked, I’d change everything just to make you happy, just to be with you. I love you; I love you more than anything. I’d give up everything to be with you because I love you that much, and I’m really fucking sorry.

I really have no idea why I put you through all of this, and I’m really sorry I was so stupid and such an asshole for not realizing it sooner. I don’t know why I chose Ashley over you for three years, when I only wanted you, I really don’t know why and I regret that choice more than anything else in the world. I wasted all that time with her when I could’ve spent it all with you, and that thought alone eats at me every single day.

I love you, I love you so much, and I want nothing more than to be with you right now. It’s all I want right now. I know this is probably the one millionth time you’ve heard me say it, but I really do mean it, and I’ve always meant it. I’ll always mean it and I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to come around.”

I smiled up at him; I had been waiting for years to hear him say this to me, I just never really thought it would happen.

I hugged him tightly, like if I didn’t hug him tight enough he’d disappear.

“Shaun,” I started.

“I’m not done.” He replied softly as he hugged me back just as tightly, “There’s still a lot more I have to apologize for.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve covered it all.” I laughed.

“No, I never apologized for taking you for granted, and I’m really sorry I did. I don’t know why I did take you for granted, but I did, and I’m really sorry. You love me a lot, and I know you do, I know that no matter what I do, you’ll always love me, and I’m sorry I took that for granted and for advantage. I’m sorry I put you through everything I did, having to wait for so long, making you see me with someone else who didn’t deserve to be in your spot, and I’m really sorry. I knew you loved me enough that you’d wait, and I’m really sorry I made you wait when you didn’t have to. If anyone should’ve waited, it should’ve been me.

I saw how unhappy you were when you saw me with Ashley and because you weren’t with me and because I kept telling you I loved you but wouldn’t leave her, I saw how unhappy you were, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care. I did care, a lot, I hated seeing you so unhappy because of me, knowing that it was because of me that you were so unhappy when you deserved to be happy more than anyone else, and I’m really sorry.

I know you think you’re the rebound, but you’re really not. I don’t want to be with you because I’m single, and I don’t only want to be with you because I love you, I want to be with you because I want to make you happy, because I know I’m the only one who can. You’re always making everyone else happy but yourself, and you deserve it more than anyone else I know, and I want you to have that. I want you to have what you give everyone else. I want to be the one to give you all of that.

I want to be able to look at you and see you as happy as you used to be when we first met, and know that you’re that happy because of me. I want to see you happy when you’re around me because you’re around me, instead of completely hurt and torn apart whenever I walk into the room. I just want to make you happy and see you happy because you deserve it. I love you.”

I rested my head on his chest about halfway through his apology, and I just stood there hanging onto every single word he said and enjoying being in his arms for more than just two seconds. It felt right, his body just fit perfectly in contrast to mine.

“Shaun.” I said softly once again.

“What?” He asked softly as I looked up at him, “Did I forget something? ‘Cause if I did, I’m really sorry about that too.”

“No Shaun.” I laughed.

“Oh, um, well, I’m still really sorry about everything.”

“I know.” I smiled.

“Alright, then what’s up? And please don’t tell me you’re still angry with me and that that wasn’t good enough and tha-“ I rolled my eyes in the middle of his little rant and grabbed a fistful of his shirt in both hands and crashed his lips against mine to make him shut up.

It took him a few seconds to realize what was going on before his lips moved in harmony with mine.

Just like every one of our kisses, the butterflies in my stomach went berserk and showed no sign in stopping anytime soon, my legs felt like they were going to give out from underneath me, and the only thing keeping me up was Shaun. My body felt like it was on fire, yet this constant shiver went up and down my spine, causing goose bumps to cover my body.

My right hand found itself entangled in his hair and I felt myself getting pushed up against him even more.

Although this kiss was just like every other one we had, there was something a bit different about that I couldn’t put my finger one; it was just more passionate than it usually was, it was more filled with longing than it usually was, and I loved it, I wanted to feel this every time I kissed someone, and I know it’s only going to happen with him, I wanted nothing more in the world at this moment than to be with him to feel this all the time, I had missed this feeling.

Shaun pulled away reluctantly, only leaving about an inch of space between us, “I love you.” He whispered softly.

“I love you too.” I replied in the same tone before kissing him lightly.

“I don’t need to ask you to be my girlfriend do I?” He laughed lightly.

I shrugged lightly as I played with a tendril of his hair, “It’d be nice to hear.” I laughed.

“Alright then.” He smiled before pulling himself away from me and grabbing my hands in his after clearing his throat, “Alison,” He started.

“Shaun.” I joked.

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

“I don’t know…” I joked.

“C’mon, don’t do this to me.”

“I’m only joking.” I smiled before letting go of his hands and resting them on his shoulders, “I’d love to.” I answered before kissing him once again.