Our Heat Is Gone

The drive back home was just awful. Nothing was said between us it was just the awkward silence that was awful. I hated this so much, but I didn't want to to talk right now. At least not to Josh. I was ready to tell him what I'd been meaning to for a few days now until he popped the question.

How does one tell another that you're leaving the country and might never come back after he was certain that you were going to spend the rest of your lives together? I needed an answer real quick though, well more like four days.

Once Josh pulled up to my drive way he turned off his car and turned in his seat to face me.

"Do you mind telling me what the fuck was that all about?" He asked, obviously still a bit ticked off. He was certain that I was going to say yes. He had no doubts or else he probably would not have proposed yet. We'd talked about marriage before anyway. It was clear between the two of us that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other.

I didn't look over to him because I would just probably start crying, but I still answered him. "I'm not marrying you, Josh."

"Why not? I thought you wanted to be with me."

"I did." I answered immediately.

"Then why did you turn me down? Wait! What do you mean you did?" He asked aggrivated with me.

I couldn't tell him now. Maybe some other time or not. I could just leave and never come back, but that wouldn't be fair. I just shook my head and said: "Goodnight, Josh." I unbuckled my seat belt then got out of the passenger seat of his car. I didn't look back or anything, I stepped in my house and once I closed the door I just leaned on it for a moment. I wanted to cry. I was giving up everything.

"Hi, honey. How was your date with Josh?" I heard my mom say and saw her coming in from the kitchen.

"It-it was okay."

"I don't know if I believe you. You seem upset. Did he do something?"

"No, he didn't. I'm just upset about leaving him." I covered up. I couldn't tell my mom he proposed. She would give me the whole I'm throwing my life away at this young age. Then she would indeed send me back to the states in a heartbeat.

"Oh well okay. Don't forget to start packing up tomorrow."

I nodded and began walking up the stairs to my room just wanting to forget about everything that happened tonight.

-xxx-

The next day I started packing my things up and hoping last night's events wouldn't pop up in my mind, but it did because everything in this room had a piece that reminded me of Josh and everyone that I would be leaving. They were a part of me.

My mom had left to buy more boxes and ship off some things of her own. I was left alone and decided I was done with packing for tonight since it got a bit boring and tiring. The doorbell rang shortly after I decided to finish packing. When I answered it, Dan stepped in followed by Max, Matt, and Chris.

"Well hey." I said as they just let themselves walk in.

"Hi Lexi!" They all yelled. Max attacked me with a hug almost allowing me to fall over and bust my head. I laughed into his hug. I would surely miss this boy.

I regained my balance after Max let me go and spoke: "Not that I don't mind, but what are you guys doing here?"

"I told you we were going to see a movie, didn't I?" Dan answered.

"Um, no. You only said that we should see one." I corrected him.

"That's the same thing."

"Not really, Dan. Besides I have to finish packing."

"You have three days worth of packing left. Take a break and hang with us." Matt said.

"Yeah!" Max agreed.

"I don't know if I'm really up for it." I said unsure. They all whined about my reply, but it all just hit me that someone was missing. It was Josh.

"Where's Josh by the way?" I asked.

"We asked him, but he said he didn't want to go." Chris explained.

"Figures." I said quietly. I couldn't blame him. If I was Josh I would be the last person I would want to see.

"So you told him then?" Dan asked.

"No."

"Then why is he mad at you?" He asked and the other guys, who already knew about me leaving, looked at me waiting for my answer.

"He kind of asked me to marry him last night." I replied.

"No way! He didn't! Shit! He popped the question? What'd you say?" They all spoke at once.

"He did and I couldn't tell him anymore. I was so embarassed. He asked me right in front of everyone in the restaurant. I wanted to say yes so badly, but I couldn't. I don't think he was expecting me to say no either."

"Well of course he wasn't. I was expecting for you to say yes." Max said.

"I wanted to."

"So that's why he isn't here. He usually says yes when we bribe him by saying you're going to be there, but he just said he didn't care." Matt explained. Thinking about Josh saying he didn't care about me stung.

"Well, I can't blame him. I wouldn't go either if I were him. I wouldn't want to see myself after that episode last night. I didn't even give him my reason. You should've seen the way he looked at me after that. He hates me."

"I already told you, Lexi. Josh doesn't hate you. He never will." Dan said walking over and wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"You didn't see the look on his face, Dan. He never looked at me like that." I said just imagining the look on Josh's face last night and it began to make my eyes water. Dan noticed immediatlely.

"Look, let's just forget about Josh right now. Please go get changed and come out with us tonight. We really do want to spend time with you before you leave. None of us will bring Josh up, we're going to have a good time, okay?" He said trying to make it up. I appreciated it, I really did.

I nodded and just hugged him tightly then let go to get ready for tonight. I was determinded to have a good time with my friends and not let Josh ruin it for me.