Your Love is my Drug

“LEAH!?”

He threw open the door and rushed in, at my side in seconds. I was scooped up, pulling into his lap as he rocked gently. His hand grazed my back and his other supported my shaking body.

I cried, burying my head into his chest, inhaling his cologne. He sat there, with all of the patience in the world, holding me close to him, waiting for me to calm down. For a second, I realized that my entire world had been ripped away from my fingers. All I had left was a little patch of land that never shook from beneath me.

Brent.

Soon enough that land would quake and split apart and I would drown. That’s the only thing that was running through my head... until I thought of him. Right now, he was holding his entire world in his arms. The one, who he trusted, loved and was completely honest and faithful too... and in a few seconds, he was going to realize that the world had turned its back on him.

I let out another wretched cry, which earned a ‘shh, everything’s going to be okay.’

I tensed and sniffled, letting his hands comfort me as I stopped shaking. Then, I leaned off of him, looking him dead in the eyes.

I tried to talk in a clear voice, “I’m sorry.”

He looked at me seriously; face nearly white, “About what? What happened, Lee?”

I cringed at the loving tone he associated with my name, and shook my head, “I did something bad Brent... I’m so, so sorry.”

He reached over and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me lightly and making me stare directly into his deep eyes, “its okay, Leah. Just... just tell me, I’m here.”

I sniffled, crying harder, “I cheated...”

I felt his hands drop slowly, and as his face fell, everything turned slow motion. I could hear soft echoes off of the locker room walls, and I could see his expression change, like he was looking at somebody he didn’t even know- a complete stranger.

I reached down, without force and softly grabbed his hand. He was too shocked to even pull away, but he did not return the gesture. His face was ghostly white and he was swallowing uncontrollably- then... his eyes began to redden.

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered, tears still streaming down my face.

He glanced up at me, swallowing again, and steadily asked, “Who?”

I looked down at our hands and shook my head, unable to even voice the name.

He took a breath and a little bit louder he asked, “Who, Leah?”

I just cried, shaking my head once more.

“WHO THE FUCK WAS IT!?” He screamed, finally losing any control he had left, he threw my hand away and stood up, fire in his eyes. His fists clenched at his sides.

I flinched, taking a breath and trying to say it... his name was on my tongue, but it tasted bitter and unnatural. I heard his breath, louder than anything in the room, as he waited for an answer. I tried to voice it again, but I could only stutter a few dumb noises.

“LEAH!”

I flinched and blurted it out, “Patrick!”

He froze again, his chest rising and falling, knuckles whitening. His face was as red as their jersey’s. I had never seen him like this in my life- and I was scared that he was going to lose it so badly that he wouldn’t even think about his actions.

In a clear, stern tone, he said, “Patrick. Who. ?”

I buried my head in my hands and started to bawl. He didn’t need an answer, that was answer enough. That was it, he flipped, and he turned around and slammed his fist into the wall. He hit it a few times, which only made me cry harder.

“MY FUCKING TEAMMATE LEAH?!” He yelled, and though my head was down, I could practically see the veins popping out of his neck, “I HAVE TO PLAY WITH HIM EVERY FUCKING NIGHT! HE’S ONE OF MY BEST FUCKING FRIENDS!”

I didn’t say anything, I just wept, letting him lash out. I deserved every second of this, every word and every ounce of hate he felt for me.

“I fucking TRUSTED YOU!”

I whimpered, “I know, I’m sorry Brent!”

He just shook his head and spun around to swing at the wall again. This time, I saw the hole his fist had made and the blood on his knuckles from the impact.

“Don’t give me that BULLSHIT, Leah!” he screamed, turning to me, “IF you even gave a FUCK, you wouldn’t have acted like a fucking WHORE and slept with him!”

Ouch. I deserved it.

I shook my head and looked at the ground.

“How long?” he said, in a surprisingly quiet voice, but it was anything but calm.

I sighed, wiping my eyes, “A few months, Brent.”

“For fuck sakes,” his teeth gritted loudly, “For fuck SAKES!”

I looked up at him and felt so useless. I broke his poor heart, after everything he’d done for me, I shattered it. He didn’t deserve a second of it- I was stupid, I fucked up; I didn’t deserve to have him in the first place.

“I LOVED you!” He screamed, “I LOVED YOU, LEAH, Don’t you get that!?”

I nodded, crying harder, “I love you too.”

He laughed bitterly, “No, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t have fucked Patrick.”

“Don’t say that!” I fought back, “I love you Brent!”

He sighed, bringing a hand through his hair, “But... you’re IN love with him.”

He said it so calm, so natural, and so defeated. He knew it before I even said it that killed me. The fact that he’d have to play side by side with him everyday killed me... neither of them deserved to be turned against each other.

I could only nod, “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, “I have to go.”

“Brent, I know you hate me but-.”

“- That’s the thing Leah,” he cut me off, eyes burning into mine, “I can’t hate you... I love you too much. You can come and get your stuff whenever you want; I’m not going to kick you to the streets.”

I smiled through my tears, even after what I’d done, he still goes out of his way to care for me. He swallowed, and I could see the tears in his eyes, as he grabbed his sweater and picked it up, leaving the locker room.