Your Love is my Drug

Pat sighed, reaching forward to grab my hand soothingly. I shook my head, sniffling as I cried. He didn’t do anything, he just stood there, thumb brushing against my fingers as he soaked in the conversation.

I wanted to end up being the good girl. I wanted Brent to be okay with the fact that I was in love with Patrick- and we could stay best friends. I wanted the guys to still accept me, still consider me a friend, and I wanted Patrick’s relationship with everyone on the team to remain intact.

“I love you,” I whispered, snapping him out of his thoughts, “You know that right? I really do.”

He nodded, but all I saw in his face was pain and worry. He was nearly white, his usual sparkly blue eyes, drooping and unsure. Without a word, he tightened his grip on my hand and pulled me closer to him. Still in silence, he lifted my chin so that I was looking him dead in the eye.

“I know,” he said, barely even audible, “And you know how I feel about you.”

I stared, waiting for him to say it.

He smiled lightly, not much, just a ghost of a smile, but it was something.

“I love you too, Leah.”

I shut my eyes, letting that sink in. It was so nice to hear him say it.

“But...”

My eyes flashed open, and I looked up at him. I saw the regret behind his eyes, I saw him leave me before he even spoke. My throat went dry and my heart shattered, I stared up at him, ready to breakdown again.

He sighed, reaching up to rub his face with his hands, “Leah... Brent’s my buddy, he’s my teammate and this was so fucking wrong from the beginning. If you two weren’t together anymore, sure, but we’ve been sleeping with each other behind his back. He doesn’t deserve any of this shit.”

I stepped back, my breath hitching. I could barely even breathe, or blink, I just listened to him. This was it.

“I’m not going to say I regret it, because I don’t. I fucking love you and that’s what sucks, Lee. I can’t keep doing this, and I know you can’t either. This is bullshit. This isn’t something either of us should be doing- It’s gotta end.”

I wanted to literally, topple over and die. Two seconds ago, I thought the worst possible thing that could happen was me telling Brent and losing him, now, now karma was proving to be real. I was losing Pat.

I took a step back and shook my head, “I can’t believe you.”

He rubbed his hand over his face, “I’m sorry, if you want me to tell Brent, I will... and if anything happens, I’m here, like always.”

He leaned down and grabbed my hand, pulling me into him forcefully. Within a second, he was kissing me and I was kissing back. Then, just as quickly as it started, he pulled away, wiped my tears and gave me a soft smile- before leaving the locker room.

When I heard the door click, I dizzily walked to the bench and sat down. After a few seconds, once it sunk in, I let out a gut wrenching cry, clutched my stomach and leaned forward.

Never in my life had I felt so alone.