Your Love is my Drug

I waited outside the rink, way too terrified to go in just yet. I didn’t want to be yelled at by the team, or given hostile looks, or told to leave. I could handle the two guys that meant the most to me turning against me; I’d grown to live with that, but the entire team, not so much.

I sighed, cringing and kicking the sidewalk. Why couldn’t I man up, go in and tell Brent that despite everything, this was his team and he needed to remember that. He’s not that only one who matters. However, then I’d sound like the biggest hypocrite in the world.

Of all the things that meant the most to me, these guys were on the top of the list. They’d been there for me even if I fucked up... bad. I took it for granted and because of that, I didn’t have them to lean on anymore.

I let out a groan and heard the door open. Snapping around, a stitched up Patrick Kane walked out with Jonathan Toew’s at his side. I stopped and so did they.

“Um,” Jon said awkwardly, “I’ll be at home, call me if you need me to come and pick you up.”

I nodded, my eyes not leaving Pat’s. Jon left quickly and I felt the tears as I reached up to his head, which had the worst damage.

“I’m SO sorry,” I whispered shakily, grazing the cut.

Pat laughed lightly, shaking his head, “You’re not the one who did it and don’t worry about it, I deserved it.”

I frowned, “You didn’t even fight back Pat, and you didn’t deserve it, I did.”

He rolled his eyes, adjusting his bag, “I did the exact same thing you did... of course I’m not going to fight back. He needed to get that out... so I let him.”

I sighed, shaking my head, “I fucked up... I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, his blue eyes staring straight into me, “Stop, all you’re doing is making things worse. He hit me, its fine. I fucked up too- now we’re just going to have to fix it.”

“He’s never going to let me,” I said softly.

Patrick shrugged, “Tell him how much you love him, how much you want to be with him.”

My eyes drifted upward and for the first time, I really looked at him, “I don’t want to be with him.”

He stared, and then nodded, looking away. Clearly, the feeling was not mutual. Patrick was being the bigger person; he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I however, wanted him all to myself, even if Brent hated the both of us, I couldn’t lose him.

“Leah...”

“It’s fine,” I said, waving my hand, “its fine, I’m going to go.”

He gave a soft nod and I turned around, walking down the street. I didn’t call Jon, hell no; I wasn’t heading towards his house anyway.