Your Love is my Drug

I walked back into the party in search for my boyfriend, and only my boyfriend. For one, I didn’t want to become sick again when I saw Patrick, but also, Brent had my drink.

He was sitting on the couch in, by the looks of it, a very amusing conversation. I could see the red, full cup, in front of him. I instantly felt relieved, maybe I could get a little buzz and forget about this mess for a bit. I plopped down next to him, reaching for the cup and taking a long drink.

“Whoa, take it easy,” Brent laughed, placing a hand on my leg, “You alright?”

I could only nod and force a smile, taking another drink, “I’m fine.”

He gave me an uneasy smile, but didn’t press the matter further. Good boy, I thought, I don’t want to make any more excuses. I sat in silence as he continued to socialize. His hand never left my leg, unless he needed it to emphasize when he was saying, but it always found its way back. I finished my drink after ten minutes and was ready for another.

“I’m going to get another drink, babe,” I told him softly, trying not to interrupt, “I’ll be right back.”

He smiled, “Okay.”

I got up, feeling the floating feeling in my toes. This is what I liked, soon enough, I wouldn’t even care that I was a gutless, cheating, bitch. In an hour, I wouldn’t have a care in the world.

Quickly, I tore off the cap to the Vodka and filled my cup appropriately with the clear liquid. The rest was filled with coke. Sighing, I brought it to my lips and was satisfied. Finally.

“So, rough day, or rough week?”

I glanced behind me, where Jon stood with his beer, a smirk on his face. If he wasn’t one of my closest friends, I’d probably hate him. He always knew exactly when I was in a crisis- and he chose to talk to me about it. Sometimes, you just wished you could be alone.

I shrugged, pulling the strap of my dress up, “I’ll be fine.”

He raised an eyebrow, “You won’t be fine tomorrow, at that rate.”

He gestured to my full glass and I could only roll my eyes.

“Toews, let me get drunk,” I was almost begging, I probably looked pathetic; “I just need to clear my head for a bit.”

He laughed, finishing off his beer and putting it next to me on the counter, “Hey, I’m not stopping you. Just being a good friend and giving a little warning.”

“Thanks.”

He nodded and opened to fridge for another beer. I watched, almost staring, at my best friend. He was clueless. He didn’t know that while dating one of his closest friends, I was fucking his best friend. He didn’t suspect a thing.

He popped open the beer and let out a satisfied noise, “That’s good shit right there.”

I nodded, sipping my own drink, “Mines pretty damn good too.”

“Vodka?” he asked, glancing at the bottle behind me, “No. Beer’s the way to go.”

I rolled my eyes, “Beer tastes like-.”

“-Grab me a beer Tazer?”

I froze. Those familiar blue eyes met mine and as he noticed me, his lips tugged upward gently. Jonathan didn’t notice anything; instead he went to the fridge and dug out another beer.

He didn’t let go of my stare and I didn’t either. I could feel the goose bumps making their way down my arms and my heart picking up speed- he scared me, but I was so in love with him.

“Here,” Jon passed Patrick the beer, already opened; he didn’t look away from me.

Patrick leaned against the wall, “How’ve you been?”

I cleared my throat as Jon’s head turned to me and I brought the cup to my lips, “Good,” I muttered, sipping the drink lightly, “You?”

He shrugged, smirking, almost amused that I was uncomfortable, “I haven’t seen you in a while, I like the dress.”

His eyes roamed me up and down. That was a lie, he saw me yesterday, and I was here yesterday, in his bed- while Brent was napping before the game. This boy sure was good at raking out the bullshit.

“Thanks;” I said quietly, watching Jonathan’s expression- Pat wasn’t exactly being subtle, “It’s new.”

Patrick nodded, as if he was interested in my new purchase. He wasn’t. I felt awkward as the silence drifted between the three of us. We used to be able to hang out, just us, and it would be the most comfortable thing in the world. We were all friends, but now, it felt as if I spoke, Jon would know. So, I’ve refrained from hanging out with only them.

I pushed myself off of the counter and gave them a quick smile, “I’m going to go and see Brent, I told him I’d be right back, and I’ll see you guys later.”

Jon nodded as I passed and I’m sure I heard Pat mutter something, but I ignored it, I had a boyfriend tonight. It wasn’t just me and Patrick.