Your Love is my Drug

I walked into the house and took off my shoes, placing my bag on the table. I could hear the TV in the living room and I saw an empty pizza box and beer instantly. Merely rolling my eyes at his appetite, I lazily walked into where Patrick sat.

“Hey babe,” he said, without looking up.

I plopped down next to him, “Hi.”

He glanced at me, his blue eyes darting to mine, “Did you have fun with Tazer?”

I nodded swiftly, but didn’t want to get into it. I didn’t like associating the two of them together anymore, it felt wrong. Patrick wasn’t one of my closest friends anymore, he was my... affair.

Suddenly, his hand was on the bottom of my chin, turning my head to look him directly in the eyes, “What’s up?”

I just shrugged, feeling more drained than before, “I’m tired.”

He frowned, not letting go of my face. He knew what I meant, he knew me well enough to understand, “Of...?”

Again, I simply shrugged. We sat in silence for a few seconds, until my tears caught up with my brain. Soon enough, they were trailing down my face and I was being squished into Patrick’s chest. He rubbed my back soothingly, kissing the top of my head.

“Shit...” I heard him mumble.

I looked up, “It’s just tiring.”

He nodded, kissing my lips softly, “We can stop... if you want?”

I felt my whole body tense and absent mindedly, my hands clenched at his shirt. I saw everything I loved being torn away from me, Patrick, love, everything I cared about. Dramatically, I shook my head.

“No, No,” I said urgently, “No.”

He smirked and bumped my nose, causing me to grin, and then sealed it with a soft, slow kiss.

“Don’t cry then,” he whispered into my lips, but all I was focused on was his mouth so close to mine, “We can do it.”

I nodded, not even questioning what he was saying. Instead, I firmly placed my lips on his, cherishing the feeling I got when he kissed me. He meant so much, absolutely everything- and even if I wanted to, there was no way I could let him go.

“I just hate lying to him,” I whispered, as I pulled away from him, “It breaks my heart, he’s been the best boyfriend ever and I’m doing this.”
He sucked in his bottom lip and just looked at me, waiting for me to continue. This was the first time I’d ever actually vented to him about this, the first time he’d ever seen my vulnerable, broken side. The side that proved that no matter what, I still loved Brent.

I wiped my eyes, “He’s going to hate me. I don’t blame him, I already hate me, but he trusts me and I’m just-.”

Pat cut me off, “-Leah!”

Blinking, I looked at him. He frowned, shaking his head.

“Stop,” he said firmly, finally smiling a little, “You don’t need to think about that right now. You can tell him, or leave me, when you want to; nobody’s putting pressure on you.”

Giving a slight nod, I could almost feel a weight get lifted from my shoulders. Patrick didn’t expect me to choose right now, or choose him at all; he was cherishing what we had right now.

He quietly kissed my lips gently and then wiped my face, freeing me of the tears trailing down my cheeks. I cuddled up next to him and he just wrapped his arm around me, covering me with the blanket on the side of the couch, and then let me watch TV with him, in silence.

I focused on his steady breathing, thinking about everything I’d done wrong in my life.
The funny thing: I wouldn’t even consider this a mistake, or a wrong doing, this was the best thing in the world. I was in love with this guy and for some reason... I could never regret it.