Dirty Little Secret

Everyone has secrets, no matter how much they deny it. Some are minor secrets. For instance, Katy Perry kissed a girl. Whoop-de-doo. Who the fuck cares? And for some, you have a huge crush your best friend’s boyfriend. No big deal, right? It’s not like your friend’s gonna find out that you’re suddenly pining for the love of her life. These secrets are nothing, however, in comparison to the big secrets. And I mean ruin your life big. Maybe even Tiger Woods’ secret big.

Unfortunately, my secret was of the latter status. I had a feeling that it would do more than ruin my life. It would also drag people down with me. And to be honest, I was glad that I wasn’t the only one going down, as selfish as that sounds. But in my defense, my secret was pretty damn huge. No one needed to know about it, and if somehow they found out, I would have to chase them down the street with a kitchen knife. Seriously, the secret’s that important.

I didn’t know I even had to keep such a big secret until about two months ago. Believe me, it was wildly unexpected. And I believed, at the time, that it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But now, I know that it could very well be possibly, the best thing that’s ever going to happen to me. It was surprising how fast I changed my mind on things but when things like this happen to you, you’re kind of forced to make a decision.

You see, about four months ago, I was the typical party girl. I hit up every single party there was in town and drank until I couldn’t see straight anymore. I also made the mistake of losing my virginity to a complete random one night at a party. After that, I just started sleeping with guys just to get a sense of security. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a slut or anything like that. I just liked the feeling of closeness, even if it was only for a short amount of time.

That was my life for about a year, until I made the mistake of attending a party on the outskirt of town. I went with a girl named Ashley. We were never really friends, in my opinion. She provided me the booze and parties, while I let her follow me around school. She was like me, a loner. Except she wasn’t ready to accept the fact that she would never be one of the popular kids. Anyways, that night, she told me this band was going to play there. I didn’t care for it much, but I decided to go anyways since it was a Friday night and I didn’t want to be stuck at home with my step dad and his daughter.

When we got there, the atmosphere was thick with smoke and the smell of alcohol immediately flooded my nose. I was used to it by now, though I was never fond of the smell of weed. I tried it once, but it just wasn’t my thing. I decided to stick with alcohol. The house was fairly big, and it was packed with people somewhat moving to the beat of the music. All the commotion came from the backyard, so I guessed the band was back there. I left Ashley with a group of guys and weaved my way through the crowd to the kitchen.

I headed towards the fridge and grabbed a beer perched on the shelf. I decided to go outside to what the hype was. All I could see was a wave of bodies moving along to the blaring beat coming from the small stage speakers. There were four guys on the platform fiercely playing their instruments. From the looks of the crowd, they were pretty well known around here. I ignored the crowd, and went back into the house to find something to do. Soon, I found a group of guys playing beer pong. Classy, I know. After twenty minutes, someone tapped me on the shoulder.

“Maybe you should give these guys a break.”

It was the guitarist from the band that played earlier. “Maybe they’re just lightweights.”

He laughed. “Can I join?”

I nodded. “If you’re up for losing to a girl.”

“You’re going down.”

And down I went. He was much more vigorous than I predicted and I ended up losing. And I never lose in a game of beer pong. Ever.

“You’re better than I thought you’d be,” I slurred.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

I don’t know what happened after that, but soon, we were pressed up against each other in a heated kiss. We somehow stumbled past the mass of bodies and up the stairs into a dark room. And I guess you could say we got carried away that night. Sure, I enjoyed the drunken sex, but I never knew how much I would regret the days to come because of it.

The next thing I knew, I was in the doctor’s office confirming that I, in fact, was having a baby.

No biggie, right?