Dirty Little Secret

He wasn’t ready. He was never ready.

I waited and waited, but no one contacted me. I never had the meeting I was promised. So I moved on. Now before you jump to conclusions, no, I didn’t abort the baby. Besides, it was too late; I was in my third trimester. Just kidding. I would never be able to do that knowing who the father was.

I simply moved on with my life. Caitlyn and my mom seemed against my decision, but it was ultimately my choice. I still lived in the same town, but I moved into my own apartment while Seth moved in with Caitlyn.

Sometimes I start to forget him, but then I see her face.

Capri is now 18 months old. She was a constant reminder of her father, but I had to live with that. I was thankful she wasn’t able to comprehend that she needed both a mother and a father yet, because I wouldn’t have a clue how to start that conversation.

I love my daughter to death, but I never knew how hard it would be taking care of a baby. Luckily, my mom was supportive. She came every day to see how I was doing.

My brother, Tom, came over once to see his niece and I got a chance to meet his fiancée, Rebecca. She definitely surprised me. I wondered how a woman like her could be in love with my brother. No offense to Tom, of course.

Anyway, although I lived alone, I wasn’t lonely by any means. Caitlyn came over almost every day with Seth, and I couldn’t be happier. I had an unbelievable support system, and I couldn’t be any more appreciative.

Today, my mom and I planned to go out for lunch while Caitlyn offered to watch after Capri. I was in the middle of doing my hair when I got a call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Cait,” she said, “I’m sorry, but it turns out I can’t watch Capri today.”

I sat on the bed. “Why not? Did something happen?”

“I’m not really sure. Seth said that I had to come over to his place because it was urgent,” she sighed, “Sorry, Holly. Maybe you could take her with you to lunch?”

“Are you crazy?” I asked.

“Oh, come on. What’s so crazy about bringing your kid out to eat?”

I put the phone on speaker and continued to curl my hair. “Nothing, except Capri is only a year and a half. I don’t want to get kicked out of the restaurant.”

Caitlyn let out a breathy sigh. “You’re not going to get kicked out so stop worrying. Just bring Capri and I promise you everything is going to be fine. Besides, your mom is going to be with you. She knows how to handle children.”

I finished the last curl and set down the iron. “You know what? I should bring her out. It’s not like Jack’s still walking around town.”

“Was that what you were worried about?”

“Not at all,” I paused, “Maybe, partly. But let’s not talk about that right now. Don’t you have to be at Seth’s?”

After my change of subject, Caitlyn hurriedly told me to enjoy my day and hung up.

I didn’t want her to know that Jack was solely the reason why I didn’t want Capri in public. It made me sound like I wasn’t over him. Which was true, but to everyone else I was content without him in my life.

Nonetheless, I finished getting ready and made my way to the kitchen. I found my mom sitting at the table with Capri on her lap. I smiled seeing how happy my mom was. Ever since my dad died two years ago, I felt as if she had never been fully happy with herself.

I picked up Capri and turned to my mom. “I think we should take Capri to our lunch today.”

“Caitlyn bailed, didn’t she?”

I raised my eyebrows. “How did you know?”

“I’m your mom; I know everything.” She took Capri. “I’ll change her for you.”

I laughed. “You’re such a weirdo.”

---

The way over was nice. I thought Capri would be a hassle in the car, but she wasn’t. All she did was giggle and bounce in her car seat, and I couldn’t help but laugh with her. Soon after, we arrived at the restaurant and my mom suggested that we sit outside.

Once Capri was settled in the high chair, I turned to my mom. She had a look on her face.

“What?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Nothing. I’m just so blessed to have you two in my life.”

“Oh, mom. Don’t talk about this here,” I smiled, “But it should be the other way around. I wouldn’t be sitting here without your help.”

The waiter came with menus and we sat in a calming silence making our selections. All of a sudden, I heard him. Or at least, it sounded like him. It was coming from behind my mom, but I didn’t want to look. What if it was him? I had nothing to tell him, so it was no use to look for him. I had moved on.

“Let’s go, Jack. We gotta get back in time for the Ravens’ game.”

I felt myself stiff up. It was definitely Jack.

I was about to say something to my mom, but Capri started laughing as she threw the crayons on the table. My mom joined in with her and Jack went to the back of my mind.
“I knew this was a bad idea bringing her here,” I said in the midst of laughter.

Hearing no reply from my mom, I looked up.

“Holly?”

I froze.