Secret Love, My Escape

The beauty of thoughts was the fact that they were stuck inside your own mind. No one could hear your thoughts. It was the one place where you were free to be whoever you wanted to be, create whatever you wanted to create. You could think terrible things about a person as much as you wanted, and they would never know. John could think about how much of a whore and a bastard his best friend, Alex, was, and Alex could never know.

Inside John's mind, it was more like a movie set. Close up camera one, the hero sings in this scene. Sort of like that, except not exactly. In some of his thoughts, John was the hero. In others, Alex was. Which was funny, considering Alex was not what most people could consider a hero. In fact, most people would consider him the villain, the antagonist. The one getting in the way of the protagonist's goals.

Alex had everything in the world. He owned a record label, had loads of money, an abundance of friends, and a beautiful girlfriend. Better yet, he could cheat on this girlfriend, and that doe-eyed sweet girl would never realize. He took advantage of her, made her feel guilty whenever she confronted him about the possibility of being unfaithful. Every time, he would swear that nothing was going on. The other girls, and sometimes guys, were just friends, nothing more. He loved her, he would never do anything to hurt her. When, in reality, he was lying. There was no love between these two, and they both realized it. It was only familiarity, habit. Alex wasn't setting out to hurt her, he just couldn't help himself. As he said, she wasn't satisfying him, but he cared about her too much to break things off.

The truth was, though, Alex couldn't help himself. He couldn't stop cheating on Lisa even if he wanted to. And he had dragged John into it, whether he liked it or not. John knew about the cheating, he heard about everything. After all, that was his role as Alex's best friend. But he couldn't tell Lisa, and that was what tore him apart. He hardly knew the girl, but he knew that she didn't really deserve all of this. Part of the role of confidant was to keep this secret from the one person that deserved to know. He felt bad for Lisa, he really did, but he didn't know her well enough to betray Alex to her.

John sat on the couch in his living room, staring at the stupid movie playing on the television screen in front of him. Honestly, scary movies had never really done it for him. And the gore in this movie, The Hills Have Eyes, was just making him want to sleep. If Alex was here, he would be freaking out, hiding or something. Because that was just what Alex did. He didn't do well with scary movies. It made John grin, thinking of the time he convinced Alex to watch House of Wax with him. Alex refused to go home and ended up kicking John out of his own bed, because it was too dark to go home and Alex thought his car would break down.

John got up and was about to have a beer, hoping the alcohol would make this movie better, when he heard a knock on the door. "Oh Joooooohn!" a slightly drunk Alex called from the other side of the apartment door. John grinned and abandoned the alcohol, instead going for to door, to allow his friend inside. Alex wasn't totally drunk, John realized as the other male came in, but he definitely had been drinking.

"Hey Alex," he replied, smirking and closing the door behind his friend, then going back to retrieve his beer. Alex grinned at him, then plopped down on the couch.

"What are you wa-- OH MY GOD."

John couldn't help but laugh as some bloody scene came up, making Alex's eyes go wide and his arms fly out and wrap around a nearby pillow. John knew that Alex wouldn't be able to cover his eyes if he tried. Although the image obviously terrified him, it was impelling him to continue to gaze at the television screen. John reached over and snapped off the T.V., saving Alex, and himself, for a night of little to no sleep.

The hero looks like he can't breathe.

"Bad horror movie. Sorry," John said, taking a seat, and a sip of his beer, and watching Alex, whose eyes were still fixated on the black screen. Eventually, Alex tore his eyes away and grinned at John again.

"You're sitting at home watching horror movies? John, you hate those! And for a different reason than I do," Alex said, leaning forward. "My night has sucked."

"How so?" John questioned, smirking. Of course Alex had a bad night. If he didn't, then he would be out with people, having a great night.

"Lisa didn't want me to leave. She wanted to watch some lame movie with me, but I told her I had plans with you. I mean, I spent time with her last night! Went on a date, had great sex, and so on. I wanted to go out to some club. Once I got there, I got in with no issues. But no alcohol. Didn't have my ID with me. Instead of going home, where she would just pester me until I agreed to stay in tonight. So I went to Jack's, drank a bit, until his girlfriend came over and they kicked me out," Alex explained. Obviously this was the short version. So much more had happened, but it wasn't important enough for Alex to tell, so John didn't ask for more details. "So I thought 'Hey, John is probably being a bum, I should go make his life more exciting!' And, well, here I am. And I was right!"

John smirked at his story and eventually the conversation drifted into other topics, the alcohol flowing the whole time. They ended up practically in each others' laps on the couch with empty bottles all around them and giggling about something Alex had said.

Alex stood up, grabbing John's hands, and pulled him up. This just made John laugh harder, because he felt so dizzy. He knew what was going on and knew that he would remember all of this tomorrow, but he also had very little control over what he was doing. At this point, everything was instinct, whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Alex had been laughing, too, but he suddenly got very quiet, and John soon followed. They stared at each other, their faces mere inches away, until Alex wrapped his arms around John and pulled him closer. Their lips attached in a short kiss. They pulled back for only a second, then reconnected their lips, hungrily now. John wasn't totally sure how it happened, but eventually he found himself underneath Alex on his bed, with Alex unbuttoning his shirt and sucking on the skin on his neck. John had no idea how this happened, but he knew that he wasn't complaining about it at all.

---

The next morning, John woke up, his legs and arms entangled with someone else. He sighed and snuggled closer into the chest of the other person, until he realized that he recognized that scent. The smell of sex and sweat was almost overpowering, but he could smell traces of a familiar cologne on the body of this other male. John's eyes snapped open to see the sight he feared, yet expected. The other man he was entangled in was his best friend, Alex Gaskarth.

John lied there, silently freaking out, until finally his brain took over and he began to think rationally. He slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers, although he was unsure if they were his or Alex's, then all but ran into the kitchen. There were bottles of various alcohols everywhere, some empty, some only missing a few sips. Every memory, every thought, every feeling from last night came rushing back to him. He and Alex got drunk. He and Alex kissed. He and Alex had sex. John had helped Alex cheat on his girlfriend.

"No..." John muttered, sinking into one of the chairs around the small table. "No, no, no." He buried his face in his hands, too lost in his own thoughts to hear the other person moving towards him.

"John?" Alex asked, placing a hand on John's back. John's head snapped up, and he looked at Alex. Alex hadn't bothered to get dressed beyond boxers as well, and John hated the feeling he got in his stomach as he looked at his best friend. The butterflies were undeniable, but he wished they would go away.

"I just can't believe this happened," John muttered, slightly louder so that Alex could just barely hear him. Alex took a seat in the chair next to John, sighing lightly and obviously feeling a little awkward.

"Is it bad that... I don't regret it?" Alex said, smiling a bit at John. John shook his head, as if he was trying to make Alex's words go away, but he didn't look up. "If you're worried about Lisa... she won't find out. But I've wanted this for a long time, John. When we're together, thoughts of her disappear, even more than when I'm with anyone else. I don't love her. I'm... falling for you, I guess. Have been for a while. This doesn't have to be a one time thing... Will you be my escape?"

John looked up at Alex like he was crazy. He probably was. But the crazier thing was... words couldn't even begin to describe how amazing that sounded. John tried to form words to reply. He tried to tell Alex that he was crazy, but the word that came out instead, he wasn't expecting.

"Okay."