Shot of Vodka, Shot of Pain

- Pagan -

Ah how blissful romance was. How nice it was to be loved. How nice it was to be wanted. How nice it was to be kissed goodnight while in a tight embrace feeling your lover's body fit so perfectly into yours. How nice it was to feel secure in your heart and soul.

That was what I was telling myself at the moment. I wanted to kill him, one Jesse Lacey. As I sat lonely at the bar, cold drink in hand, I eyed the knife I could see in the dimly lit kitchen in the back. I think you can guess what I wanted to do with that knife but I bet you're wondering the reason why.

Jesse is a people person, I'll admit this. He can talk and talk for hours on end capturing his listening in a never ending story about anything. But right now I'd rather he be talking to me then to the buxom blonde chick crowding his every move. But I didn't run for the knife and slam it into his flesh pointy end first. I just decided to sigh and rest my head in my hand while leaning over the bar. I would just wait it out and eventually he would realize where I was and how annoyed I was and come begging for forgiveness. I would protest for a while until he made me weak in the knees by pulling me in close and kissing the tip of my nose as we searched for the car in the parking garage.

"Oh my gosh that is so funny Jesse!" the girl said.

Maybe I wouldn't stab him. Stabbing her would make me feels tons better. Tons. Where's that damn knife?

"You look awfully familiar," said a bartender. He was drying off a glass about a foot away from me leaning against the shiny silver sink.

"Must have one of those faces," I said and stirred my drink idly.

"Pagan?" he questioned.

"Yes," I answered.

"Wow, it's been years," he said.

"Has it?" I said.

"You don't recognize me do you?" he said. I looked him up, and looked him down. Finally it sparked in my head who he was.

"Jimmy O'Hannan! I haven't seen you since we graduated!" I said excitedly. He held up a hand and walked to the end of the bar, sliding underneath the bar through the opening. I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"You look great but I couldn't expect much else from Pagan Gallan. What on earth have you been up to?" he said.

I launched into a lengthy story about my career, where I lived, and of course Jesse. He soaked in every detail as he sat on the barstool next to me. I could see Jesse in the mirror above the bar eying me, checking up on me. I waited for him to walk over to see who this mysterious guy was but he just moved on to his next story he was about to tell the buxom blond. Maybe I could just stab both of them.

"So tell me Jimmy. What have you been up to since we graduated from that hell hole? Or do you need to get back to work?" I asked, casually throwing my hair over my shoulder. Was I flirting with him when I had a boyfriend? Or was I just trying to attract Jesse's attention?

"Well the boss decides when he needs to work and when he doesn't need to. Paula and Keith have it covered, I think they can manage without me," he said.

"Wow, you own this place!" I said loudly.

"Bought it about two years ago. Business is finally booming as you can see," he said and waved a hand over the massive crowd that were crammed in the bar.

We talked for another twenty minutes when Jesse finally decided to approach the bar and put his arm around me to show that I belonged to him. I gave him an icy look and he knew what was coming next: a yelling match. He downed the rest of his beer, pulled on his jacket, and made his way to other end of the bar to pay the tab. Not a word was spoken but I knew he was upset. I brushed him off but the boy deserved it.

"Nice guy," Jimmy said.

"Oh he's a great guy, he's just being an idiot tonight. That's men for you but I doubt I need to explain that to you," I said.

"Pagan if I was your man, I could never treat you like that," he said.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment Mr. O'Hannan. Lord knows us women need to hear them on a daily basis," I said laughing nervously. I didn't know what to exactly think about what he had said but brushing it off was the tactic I was going to use on both him and Jesse.

"Here's my card, I'll write my cell on the back. You ever need anything or just feel like hanging out, reliving old memories, give me a call." He handed the small rectangular square to me and I slid it into my clutch. I wrote my number down on a napkin, complete with a smiley face added, and slid it over to him.

After bidding our goodbyes to each other, Jesse's arm around my waist guided us out of the bar and down the street towards the parking garage. He held me close as we walked but I didn't respond to his touch. I was pissed, livid, furious, and all those other adjectives that indicated anger. He could tell it too. I caught him many times looking at me, staring at my face. I would just huff and turn away. As we reached the car, he stopped and gently banged the top of the car with his hand.

"You're mad aren't you?" he said.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," I said and leaned over the passenger side of the car to face him.

"You're welcome Lieutenant Sarcasm," he said with a stupid smile on his face. I sighed and opened the car door ready to give him the cold shoulder until arrived at my humble abode. "Pagan I'm sorry."

He slid around the car and wrapped his arms around me. That smile he had on his face irritated me. Irritated me so much I could feel myself giving in ever so slowly.

"What are you sorry about Mr. Lacey?" I asked.

"For ignoring you the entire night while some hussy kept me in a conversation," he said.

"I think I can forgive you for now, mainly because you used the word hussy." He smiled that glorious smile that I loved and hated. Loved because it was showing me his love, hated because I sometimes wondered what he had up his sleeve.

He finally broke my willpower when he gave an eskimo kiss so I gave him a real kiss. It seemed so long ago we were sniping at each other. Well, we still were but I knew who I was going home with now. I wanted it to stay that way for a long time.

As we tore off our clothes in my kitchen I didn't even notice my phone alerting me that I had a text message.