Set Me Free

Jorge stayed in the room with me until a cop came in and told him to leave. I told the intimidating man what I remembered (which wasn’t much) and answered any questions he had. ‘Do you have any enemies?’, ‘Do you know who might want to do this to you?’. Most of those types of questions I answered with a simple, no. Being the son of a million dollar company owner sucks. Because I wasn’t like ‘all of the other kids’, as dad used to like to say, the police paid more attention to my case since my dad could pay for it. It sucked. How come when there were cases just like this to regular, everyday people, they never cared?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When everyone left...I felt alone. Not lonely, just...alone. Nurses came in and checked on me every so often, to make sure that I was still breathing, but...it was as if they were just a figment of whatever was left of my imagination. I didn’t know a single person could feel this way. I’ve never felt this way in my entire life, not even when the bloodsucking leech was still latched onto my arm.

It was a feeling of hopelessness, a sense of never belonging. Of course, I’ve always felt like I didn’t belong. People just didn’t want to be around me. Take Drew for example, I knew the guy for not even a month and he already got tired of me. I never knew that I wasn’t interesting; of course, I can’t be the most fascinating person out there, but people should at least want to talk to me now and again. Maybe for just a day or so? Gabe’s my friend now, but what about next week? Or the week after that? I’m just cursed to be not liked by anyone.

My own girlfriend couldn’t stand me, I hated her too, but...it’s just not right. What’s the point of being around when no one wants to be near you? Not your so called friends, not your girlfriend, not even your family. I don’t think it can get any worse. When your own family hates you then I think it’s safe to say that you’ve reached the lowest of lows. Maybe this was how Jorge felt, all those years ago, like he wasn’t wanted, but then he found Kris and all of a sudden, he wasn’t so alone anymore...he just left me alone.

I’ll never tell Jorge how much he hurt me just by leaving. I mean, it’s great that he met the love of his life and now he’s happier than I’ve ever seen him, but...I needed someone too. I was still young, but, I got lonely sometimes. I just wanted my big brother around to do the things we used to. I never went outside and played football anymore like I used to, I didn’t like bright colors anymore, because they were always so happy, I didn’t smile as much, because there was no reason to...I wasn’t me anymore. I was the shell that Jorge left behind. I knew I lost something that day, but I never realized what it was...now I know. I lost myself and I am sure as hell going to get it back.

I’ll be happy again and smile more often and wear so many bright colors that the cops will have no choice but to make them all illegal. Yeah, I’m going to turn my life around! I guess I have to thank whoever beat the crap out of me and left me for dead; they finally made me see my brother. Speaking of Jorge, I’m going to tell him about what dad does to me. I might have to move, but won’t that just be better? Drew won’t have to keep pretending that he doesn’t know me, since I won’t be there anymore. Dad won’t have anyone to beat up anymore and well...I think everyone’s life would be better if I just left. They won’t miss me that much...yeah, I’ll just leave. I feel bad for Gabe though, I think he finally made a friend and now I was just going to get up and leave him too.

Maybe Gabe does understand what I’m going through; everyone just up and left him too. He has a family though, so it can’t be as bad as me, right? Looking at me, people would think that I have a family too; a good one. Even Jorge thinks that my home life is great and he’s my only brother. Gabe could be going through the same thing as I am and I’ll never know. Maybe I could wait a little while longer before telling Jorge what dad does. Maybe I can just see if Gabe really is going through the same thing, then maybe I can save him before I leave. I could change someone’s life...yeah, I should do that. Just get some brownie points so the bad luck I seem to be carrying around with me can just so suck it and leave me alone.

As soon as I smiled softly to myself, a timid knock came from the door and an even more timid Gabe walked in, hugging himself.

“Gabe, what are you doing here?” I asked, slightly surprised that I sounded happy, unlike five minutes ago when I was beyond depressed.

“My mommy called me from my uncle’s and told me that you were in the hospital and that I should come visit you. She made you cookies and told me that I wasn’t allowed to have any since I’m not the one in the hospital this time.” He pouted. It was then that I noticed the bag that was hanging off of his arm.
Oh, so maybe Gabe does have a good family life, unlike me. Maybe I don’t need to stay here any longer than I already have.

Why do I want to stick around though? It’d be a lie if I said that I just wanted to be around longer to help someone, a.k.a. Gabe, who doesn’t need it. There was just...something else here that made me want to face it all, that maybe it’d get all better. I knew that that was probably the biggest lie I could ever say to myself, but I guess I just don’t know. I want it to get better. I’ve lived here since before I could barely even say my own name; even though I hate this place with a burning passion, I want something good to happen here. I can’t just live somewhere for most of my life and hate every second of it. When Drew and I were still friends, I actually thought that he’d make everything better, that he’d be the reason I actually want to stay here, but I can see how wrong I was. There really is no point in getting close to anyone; it won’t do anything good for you.

“Hello...are you in there, Daniel Santon Jr.?” Gabe’s small voice asked from beside me. I spaced out again.

Gabe stuck around until the cops came around again and told him to leave as well. He told me that he’d come visit again tomorrow, seeing as it was Saturday today. Great, another Saturday ruined. That and the fact that I was low on morphine, meant that I was starting to feel some slight sharp pains in my sides and my head was starting to hurt me again.

Not once did my parents decided to come inside to visit me. Mom probably stayed inside somewhere, away from the cameras so they could think that she was with me. Dad was probably either yelling at Jorge or went back to work, pretending that he was sad that I was in attacked.

One person who I didn’t want here decided to show up at the hospital door...Jenny. Why the hell she’s there, you may ask. Well, it has something to do with the fact that there are hundreds of cameras outside. Keegan must not be very happy about that fact. What did he expect though, she’s Jenny.

“Jenny? What the hell are you doing here?” I snapped, trying not to fall asleep from all of the morphine the dumb nurse pumped into my system.

“Well, Dane, I turned on the television and the first thing I saw was your picture on the news, saying that you were attacked last night. I was really worried about you. Are you alright?” Acidity and faux care leaked from every word she said. She came so she could get her greedy little face on camera. I bet she soaked it all up until they forced her to leave.

“Seriously Jenny, what the hell do you want?” I was not in the mood to deal with her shit. I was depressed all over again. I swear, I must be bipolar.

“Well...things with Keegan and I aren’t really doing that well and, I just felt like I needed a shoulder to cry on, you know? It’s like, really hard for me now and like (UGH!), I need you and stuff.” Are you kidding me?

Well, dad did say that I had to get back together with her. But if I tell Jorge and he really does get me out of this hell hole, then I’ll have gone out with her for nothing. Why am I even considering this?

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not really planning on telling Jorge...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sunday night was when I was finally released to go home. Those guys didn’t re-break my ribs; which was a freaking relief, but I was still in a substantial amount of pain. But I did something really bad while I was at the hospital...I got back together with Jenny.

Don’t hate me, but it was the only way I could stay home. The whole ‘telling Jorge thing’ didn’t quite work out. I had the courage at first, but thinking it through, I was a little too afraid to say anything. Being 17 gives my father ownership of me and he might not let me go. I could get emancipated, but he knows everyone. I’d be afraid for not only my own life, but for Jorge and Kris’s as well. So the charade continues.

There was really one person I wanted to come see me in the hospital, but I guess he really doesn’t care. How can you hear that someone you know was attacked and left for dead and not come see if they’re at least still alive? He must really hate me. Maybe saying that it doesn’t hurt enough times makes it come true. I really hope it does.

After telling Jenny that I’d go out with her again, she left and didn’t come back. My parents sure as hell weren’t around and Gabe didn’t have a car, so I couldn’t call him even if I wanted to...so I was in pain and walking home from the hospital.

Jorge left to go to his hotel to call Kris about five minutes before the doctors said that I was good to go and I couldn’t go to him without rousing his suspicions about mom and dad.

The walking felt a little nice though, the light breeze stung my skin a little and my legs were getting tired, but this was all pain that I deserved. At one point in my life, I must’ve done something awful that deserved all of this. Some day in my life, something good will happen and this will all seem as if it’s worth. But is anything worth it? Everything good in life comes with a price and I’m getting a little too cheap to risk anything else.

Finally arriving at my house at around ten, I feel like shit. I’ve had time to think and...well...I don’t really see the point of living so much anymore. No, I’m not suicidal; I’m just questioning everything I thought I knew. What’s the point of doing anything, when we’re all just going to die in the end? Why should someone live life to their fullest anyway? You enjoy it and then two seconds later, the high is off and you have to do something else to make yourself fell good. Adventure’s pretty much the same as marijuana and frankly, it’s what’s killing people.

I should just stay in my room and...do nothing for the rest of my pathetic existence. The only person who would miss my calls would be Jorge. Life sucks.

As soon as I walked through the door, dad was standing there, waiting for me.

“Well it was damn time you got here. Where the hell have you been?” He snarled, invading all my laws of personal space.
I could tell him the truth, which probably wouldn’t do me any good, or I could tell him what I know he wanted to hear.

“Um...I got back together with Jenny.” I mumbled, not daring to look him in the eyes; I wouldn’t want to risk looking straight into my own eyes. It makes me feel like I’ll turn into him when I’m older.

When I felt his hand clap down onto my shoulder, I flinched, thinking the worst, not a pat on the back...what the hell?
“Good job my boy.”

Excuse me? Good job? His boy? Who the hell is this man and what has he done with my father? And can he never bring him back...

That was the first time in my life that my father has praised me for anything. He never said anything about the good grades I brought home, he never said anything about the sports that I’m forced to be good at (even though I hate all of them) and now he’s finally satisfied that I did something right.

Actually, it wasn’t the fact that I did something he liked, it just meant that the business deal was still intact. Selfish bastard.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dad made me go back to school that next morning, even though I was still in a substantial amount of pain. The pain killers helped, but they only let me take two a day, so I wouldn’t get addicted to them.

As soon as I opened the door to my house that next morning to get to school, I was greeted with an unexpected surprise...

“Drew?”

There he was, the star of my dreams, standing right in front of my door, a hand held up as if he was about to knock. What was he doing here? He couldn’t visit while I was still in the hospital?

“Uh...hey Dane.” He smiled nervously. Why is he nervous? Maybe he finally came to terms with himself and realized that he’s been acting like a douche to me. One can hope.

“Hi Drew, I hope you don’t mind, but I have to get going if I don’t want to be late for school.”

O.O...Did those words just come out of my mouth? What the hell?

Over the past few weeks, all I wanted to do was talk to Drew and now that he finally decided to give me the light of day, I’m walking away? Did me getting beat up and left for dead really cause that much of a difference in me? Damn.

Drew looked a little surprised for a little bit before slowly nodding and moving out of the way to let me walk to my car. I could just feel his eyes following me the entire time, but I didn’t think I’d be able to control myself if I happened to look back to him. I did notice that he looked a little hurt that I wouldn’t give him any time to talk to me, but now he knows how I felt this entire time, ever since he started dating Echo. I felt thrown away too; is it bad that I felt that he deserved me not talking to him?

Maybe he broke up with Echo, yeah, that’s probably the only reason he’s talking to me. Because his little girlfriend is no longer around, he wants to crawl back to me; well I’m not a fucking doormat. He can’t just walk all over me and then when he sees fit, he just throws me away. I refused to be treated like shit.

I was thinking so much that I didn’t even realize that I’d not only arrived at school, but I was already at my locker. A deep pit of anger and hatred started bubbling inside of me, for the one guy I though had my heart this entire time. It only took him finally talking to me for the...second time since he began dating Echo, for me to realize that I was over him. Why should I hang around someone who wants nothing do to with me when he gets a girlfriend? I wanted what was good for him, but now, I wouldn’t care if Echo had broken up with him. She could’ve ripped out his heart, thrown it on the ground and stepped on it for all I gave a shit. Okay, maybe that was a little mean, but I’m really mad at him.

“Baby...” It’s too early for this kind of torture. “Baby, there you are, I thought you’d stay at the hospital today.” Jenny snuggled up to my arm and pressed her entire body against mine, against the locker. *shivers down my spine*

It wasn’t until a full ten minutes after the bell rang did Drew decide to waltz into class. I couldn’t stop the glare that made its way onto my face. That was quickly dispelled when I saw the look of absolute sorrow on his face. Someone that beautiful shouldn’t be sad.

Echo, who wasn’t sitting that far away from me, waved him over, a huge smile on her face. Okay, so they didn’t break up, so why did he try talking to me this morning? Probably just felt bad that I was left for dead on my own lawn. It was just out of pity. He’s probably only sad because he can’t take Echo out on a date today. If that was it, then why couldn’t I dismiss the feeling that this had something to do with the fact that I didn’t talk to him this morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I couldn’t continue glaring at him all throughout class, seeing as he looked like he was about to cry the entire time, I felt bad for him. A feeling of agony twisted itself into the pit of my stomach and made it almost impossible for me to do any work. Should I try to talk to him or something? Would he even listen?

Echo looked glum now too that he wasn’t even paying attention to her; Keegan kept glaring at Jenny and me. Why does he even care? I know for a fact that she slept with this jock named Andrew the day I was attacked, while they were still together. Dumbass.

The day passed by like any other day, I was depressed as usual, Gabe and I spent the lunch in the classroom and he tried cheering me up, to no avail and I felt like shit. My whole idea about changing myself was stupid, there was no point. Why should I be colorful when I felt dead inside? Back to the whole gloomy, black cloud over my head feeling.

“Daniel Santon Jr....” I stopped Gabe right there before he could finish.

“DANE!” I snapped, accidentally; he didn’t seem taken aback by it at all. “Can you please call me Dane? Please...”

“Okay Dane. The bell rang...goodbye.” He smiled and skipped out of the room.

I wished I was as bright and happy as Gabe seemed to be everyday. Nothing ever seemed to bring him down, even though I know he still gets beat up and picked on. And now that I look, he always seems to be wearing something yellow. Whether it was his shirt, or pants, or shoes, or even his belt, something was always the color of the sun. Is it normal to be that happy? Can he pass some onto me? I need something to cheer me up.

Call me a masochist, but...I think I walked away from the only thing that even had a breath of making me happy.