Salt in the Wound

-Klink-

-Klink, klink, klink, klink-

A grin spread across my face as I reviewed my targeting. Absolutely flawless. I turned towards Temari, a hopeful glint in my eyes. “Can we please move on from targeting now?!” We had been here for over two days, nothing but practice, practice, practice. “Did I fail to tell you how I was a Chuunin in my own village? This is child’s play!” She laughed loudly and walked over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“I know Ishiko! But this counts as training too!” Gaara had wanted me to become a sand ninja, beginning from Genin level. As expected, I had refused.

“Not happening.” I said flatly. His eyes narrowed at me and he closed his eyes.

“Well, why not?”

“Because I’m not a Genin. I worked hard to make it to Chuunin level and I’ll be damned if I have to do it again.” I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow. He sighed and lowered his head in frustration.

“Ishiko, you are a Chuunin from a village that has been wiped out for nearly a century. And as far as everyone else is concerned, they all think you were just a nomad before coming here.” What a lovely cover story.

“Whether you like it or not, I’m still a shinobi. Maybe not a Suna shinobi, but regardless, I still am one.” I walked up to his desk and placed my hands close to his. His eyes trailed up my arms to my face, his own face softening. “I’m content with simple training, even if it means I can’t call myself a Suna shinobi, I know what I am.” I said quietly. Our eyes met but quickly diverted away. It had been a while since that night we had connected on a deeper level, but since then things had changed between us. He seemed more understanding and slightly protective over me. Not that he would ever admit that. It was frustrating for me, I didn’t understand what was going on, something just begged to be said.

“Understood.” He said. “We will continue your training and I will allow you to participate on missions with Kankuro and Temari as an apprentice, for the time being.” I stood up and laughed.

“That sounds a lot like Genin training. I‘m not that stupid!” He smirked at me and I waved him off, walking towards the doors of his office. “Call me what you will, I’m still a Chuunin.” He didn’t say anything to me but of all people, he should know I wouldn’t be budged.

Temari and Kankuro had started me off at basics. Targeting, speed, and stealth were my strong points. I wasn’t very acute with close quarter combat, never said I could throw a decent punch though. We hadn’t gone near Hitsuchi’s chakra or power, something I knew was coming soon. Temari and I got a long well, more than I had with any other girl that is. She was friendly and helpful, more than I could say for Kankuro. He was a dear friend to me, but unfortunately, that’s not how he saw it. He wanted more than just friendship but he knew it wasn’t likely I would come around any time soon. Which is why lately we hadn’t spoken much, not after his last outbreak.

“Ishiko…why can’t we be together?” He asked me one night we were strolling through the silent streets of town, neither of us sleeping well. I looked over to him, startled he would say something so blunt. We hadn’t ever talked about our relationship.

“Kankuro…” I whispered, a little disappointed he would bring this up now. Our relationship was questionable. He was the only person I could confide in, a best friend so to speak. He never hesitated to be act crudely or make unrelenting sexual innuendos at me, but I never took it personally. That was just Kankuro. He could be sweet and thoughtful, which apparently wasn’t anything he did for anyone other than his closest relationships. “It’s difficult for me…” He turned on his heel, stopping beside me.
“You don’t understand, I would do anything for you. Be anyone you wanted me to be. If you gave me a chance I promise, I could make you happy.” He said sadly, he knew he was taking a risk by lashing out like this. “I can’t stand this anymore, you need to know.” Believe me, I wanted to feel the same way. I knew Kankuro and I could make a lovely pairing, we were nearly perfect for each other. But something stopped me, I loved him in an entirely different way than he did me. Besides, for some reason my heart lingered over the fascination that increased every day for Gaara. I couldn’t explain it.

I know waiting for something that might never happen was foolish, but it couldn’t be helped. I pressed my hand gently to Kankuro’s face, smiling as he turned into it. “You are my best friend Kankuro, I care for you more than anyone here. And I love you, differently than you love me.” His eyes met mine, defeat lingering heavily over his shadowed gaze.

“Will you ever?” He said.

“I don’t know, maybe.” He smiled at me forcefully and then sighed, realization hitting him.

“Then do one thing for me. Kiss me. After that, you can tell me whether you want it or not.…” My mouth opened a little bit, surprised by his determination. We had only ever traded small kisses here and there, nothing as personal as this. He took a step closer and placed his hand under my chin, bringing my head up near his. His mouth lingered over mine, waiting for me to react. My own hand slid up his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair, allowing a small moan to escape from his lips. That was all it took for me to push forward, my mouth crashing into his with unbelievable desire. His hand slid down my spine, suddenly forcing me to press against his body. We were wrapped around each other in a beautiful moment, soft tongues gliding over each other, burning passion between our legs. It was everything I ever expected of my real first kiss, maybe even more. I slid my hand to the front of his shoulder, gently pushing him away as I broke away from the kiss.

It wasn’t fair to do this, I probably should have said, “no, I will not kiss you because I cannot bear to disappoint you afterwards.” Instead I went right ahead and involved myself in the most incredible moment, giving into temptation. The moment following was awkward, the kiss made me melt, but it wasn’t what I wanted to feel.

No click. Nothing.

He knew immediately from the look in my eyes. “That bad, huh?” The pain in his eyes was overbearing for me, let’s say he really knew how to make me suffer.

“That was…incredible.” I said softly. “But…”

“But it’s not what you want.” He understood perfectly.

“Not bad for a first kiss though.” Grinning, I wrapped my arms around him, taking his silence as a good thing.

“That- that was your first kiss? With me?” He sounded almost afraid, he looked down at me and smiled with a small chuckle. “Well, aren’t you lucky.”

Since that night, we hadn’t spoken much. It was a constant, awkward tension in the air when we were around. Don’t get me wrong, he was kind, just not the Kankuro I first met. I didn’t blame him though, it was my fault to begin with. I just hoped it wasn’t permanent. He never admitted it, but I think he knew there was chemistry between Gaara and I. A sort of unspoken urge that just lingered there miserably. Gaara wouldn’t admit it because of his pride, and I simply didn’t want to think about it. Nothing said was probably best anyway. I would hate to drag him down in any way from his seat of power. “Pay attention Ishiko!” Temari waved a hand in my face, her eyes narrowing. I snapped out of my pity party and stared at her with an eyebrow raised. “I have just a couple more exercises for you! In this one you will be running and targeting. A little mix up here and there never hurt anyone.” She smiled cheekily and waved her hand in front of me, telling me to start. With a sigh on my lips and the tip of a headache forming, I set off for another painstakingly long day.