Perfect Chemistry?

“What’s there to talk about?” I asked softly, wrapping my arms around my waist.

He gave me an incredulous look. “Everything; you can’t seriously just expect me to be okay with the way we left things last night.”

“There’s nothing to talk or work out, Andy. It’s plain and simple, black and white that we’re in two different worlds right now. It’s never going to work without one of us getting hurt. And I don’t want to take the risk. I know it probably sounds selfish of me, but I’m just starting to live my life for me. I don’t want to have to mend my heart back up again.”

He stood up, coming towards me. “We may be in two separate worlds right now, but we come from the same. And I have my foot half in your world right now. Just because I come from their world doesn’t mean I’m stuck in it like them. You can’t forget where you came from and how hard of a struggle it was. I’m working on getting free from it, just like you did.”

“You can’t throw that in my face,” I muttered, feeling a little upset that he did.

“I’m not trying to throw anything in your face, Ros. I’m just trying to remind you how much hell you went through, and try to understand that’s exactly what I’m going through. No matter what I’m going through with my parents and what they want me to be, the answer is simple and in color: I want you. I’m not going to give up on us and what we might be able to have because you’re afraid of being judged by that world again.”

I was taken aback by his last statement. “I’m not afraid of being judged. They can shove it up their ass’s.”

He sighed, slightly shaking his head. “I know you’re not going to admit it, and that’s fine. But really, Ros, please just try to get past your inner battle and fears, and let me back in. Remember how good it was when you let your wall down and let me in? We’ve connected with each other since the first day we met. From that moment, you never knew what kind of world I came from, so why freak out about it now?”

I saw his point and where he was coming from. The fact was, I didn’t know why I was scared about this situation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He gave me a confused look. “Tell you what?”

“About your parents, where you grew up, the lifestyle you grew up in. All of it.”

“Because that was exactly where you were coming from and I didn’t want to scare you off,” he said, shrugging. “I saw how great of a girl you were, and I didn’t want to end up losing you.” He was quiet for a minute, just staring at me. “You’re one of the few that I’ve ever been able to relate to, Ros.”

My heart was pained upon hearing that. Just seeing the fear of losing someone he could relate to on the same level with, and cared about, was killing me. I was so torn between keeping my heart locked up in a cage, or putting it out on the line for everyone to see and scrutinize.

I sighed, shaking my head and looking at the floor. “I’m so sorry, Andy… I just don’t think right now is the right time.”

He was silent, and I was afraid of his response. “Then when will be the right time?” He whispered.

I slowly looked back up at him. “I honestly don’t know.” He nodded slowly, not really satisfied with that answer. Without saying another word, he gently kissed my forehead and gave my elbow a reassuring squeeze, before leaving.

I let out a shaky sigh, before going to lay in my bed. I didn’t like this feeling, but I wasn’t going to let myself cry anymore. I’ve been crying for far too long, and I can’t take it anymore. I needed to be stronger than this.

As I lay there, I heard someone come in and lay down with me. I knew it was Matt because he gently rubbed my arm. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked quietly. I simply shook my head no. He lay his head on my shoulder. “Please don’t shut me out, Ros. I’m sorry I got so mad last night for no reason. I was out of line for blowing up like that.”

I rolled over to look at him. “I’m not shutting you out, Matty. I just don’t feel like talking.”

He looked at me, before nodding his head. “Try to get some sleep.” He pulled my head to lay on his chest, laying with me until I fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up and the boys were still asleep. I tried making breakfast as quietly as I could, while also trying to clean up the apartment a little bit. Around nine, Matt came out of his room, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“What’re you doing up so early?” He asked, graciously taking the cup of coffee I handed him.

I shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep anymore, so I figure I would get up and be some-what productive.”

“I smell bacon,” Jimmy said, his head popping up over the back of the couch. Matt and I looked at him, shaking our heads and laughing.

“Where are the rest of the guys?” I asked, turning back to Matt. F

“Good question, they usually are here by now to pester me in some ungodly way,” he muttered, going to grab a plate.

“Aw, but you love us, Mattypoo,” Jimmy cooed, pinching his cheek and grabbing a plate for himself.

Matt looked at him from the corner of his eye. “Anyways… What did you want to do today, Ros?” He asked, sitting at the table.

“Nothing really.”

Him and Jimmy both frowned, before looking at each other. “Why don’t we go to the park? It’ll be a nice, simple afternoon,” Jimmy suggested.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Matt said, agreeing with him.

“Well, looks like I have no choice,” I muttered, taking a sip of my coffee. Something told me I would be needing more of it if I was planning on spending the day with Jimmy.