Teal.

Willow’s already in the bathroom by the time I make my way in there. Candles replaces the bright lights, and glow sticks cover the floor. She’s sitting on the counter with her head pressed against the mirror. Her breath comes out in short spurts that makes the mirror fog around her mouth, and the humidity crawls up towards her nose. The sink is running between her legs. “Uh, what are you doing?” I can hardly keep the laugh out of my voice. She brushes her bangs out of her eyes, her face still connected to the glass. “Why aren’t you in the shower already?” I wish I could stop the laughter from bubbling in my chest, but it ignores me.

“How long ago?”

“Huh?”

“How long ago did we start, this?”

I check my watch. The lights flash back at me. 12:08. Six minuets since I last checked. “Still an hour.”

“Oh.” She sits back, trying to fix her hair. She’s not wearing her skirt anymore, and one of the straps of her tank top is off. The other is sliding down her arm, and the tip of her bra is poking through. She turns towards me and grins. It’s a really big and wide grin, a grin that could tear her entire face in two. She looks so beautiful. So fucking gorgeous. “You think I’m a whore now, don’t you? Giving up my sexuality because you make me wet.” She giggles, like she said a dirty word, and stumbles off of the counter. “Are you going to watch me undress?” she asks coyly, slipping the other strap of her tank top off. It slips down, but hitches at her hips. “I’m usually self conscious. I don’t know why I’m not right now. You shouldn’t be watching.” I put my arm up, to shield her from my view. “Shouldn’t doesn’t mean can’t.”

“What?” I still don’t look, but I don’t know why. Every cell in my body is screaming for me to watch her. I put my arm down slowly, and let my eyes drift up. I try to make it seem casual, but there’s no such thing right now. Her shirt is in a wad in front of her feet. Her skin glows from the candle light and the glow stick jewelry. This feels to intimate, like she’s giving me more than just fuel for sexual fantasies when this is over. I want to talk to her. I want to kiss her. Some part of me, quieter than the rest, wants to shove her against the cold tile and fuck her. I try to ignore that part, try to remind myself that its just Willow, but I wanted her before the pills too.

I grab her arm, and pull her under the cold water, into the too big shower. Or it used to be too big, when it was just me. Now it feels too small. No matter where I am, some part of her is pressed against me, brushing against my skin. The water feels amazing. Willow sighs her agreement, writing and dancing under the water. I close my eyes and just sit there, feeling it rain down over me. The water feels like its going through me, my pores big enough for the water to shoot through. Euphoria bubbles in my chest, and I dance with her – the music just barely loud enough for us to hear. I’m only dimly aware that I’m still fully clothed, but when she stops writhing under the water, she notices. She doesn’t say anything as she pulls my shirt off, but she watches out feet while she unbuttons and unzips my pants. “Will” Its not a plea anymore, not even a whimper. My voice sounds low, rough. She just shakes her head, and continues her silent stripping.

“You fuck everything up.” She says. She’s on her knees in front of me, her hands on the bottom of my boxers. The head of my dick pokes through the hole. The water beats down on my back, in beat with the tempo of the faint music, sliding cold down my back, against my neck. Cold water is supposed to make you think clearly, but it just makes everything confusing. I try to focus, to stop grinning like a maniac. She’s grinning too, hasn’t stopped since the pills hit her. I want to ask her how I fuck everything up, but she’s pulling my boxers off already, back to her silent stripping game. Because that’s all this could be. I want her to talk. I’ve never thizzed this quiet before, and the silence feels tense. Full of lust, and love, and everything we want to say but are too scared to shove past the lumps in our throats. That’s one of the things I love about her though, her ability to … to make everything completely different, just because she’s involved. Even things I’ve been doing for ages. My hips buck when her hands find my cock, and then again as the wet cotton is slowly, painstakingly pulled over it. Her grin says she knows exactly what she’s doing.

“Muhh…”

She sits back when I’m completely naked, staring up at me with her big grey eyes and her smirk. Her facial expressions say more than she ever could. “I’m probably not going to be good at this,” she says, reaching behind her. “But if I don’t try I’ll regret it. God knows this’ll be my only chance.” She slides the straps of her bra off, and in that swift motion her breasts are hanging out, soaking wet.

“What? What are you going to do?”

She stands up, and moves her wet hair, a mess of waves and curls, to one side and scoots closer to me, until there’s no room left for her to go. Her hot breath against my chest mixed with the below zero water, makes my knees buckle. She kisses me soft, one hand wrapped loosely against the back of my neck. I know its coming before she does it, but it doesn’t stop the gasp from catching in my throat, or my hips from bucking as her free hand grabs onto the base of my cock and slides up. Her hand feels soft, warm, and painfully unlubricated. The pain feels fabulous though, and she kisses me harder as she continues. Up, down, up down. Five times before my knees buckle, and I pull my mouth away from hers. I’m still so horny, and so fucking hard, but my head is swimming. Now I know why everyone says you shouldn’t fuck on thizz. Her hand feels better than any girl I’ve ever fucked. Its only after my body begs for her to come back that I realize that she’s not against me anymore. The water beats down on me like a fucking downpour and she’s on her knees. Willow is on her fucking knees, looking pointedly from me to the floor, a good foot away from me.

“What? No, Wills, I cannot fuck you right now. Seriously.”

She laughs. The sound fills me like smoke. “I want… can I say this without sounding like a whore?” her eyes gleam, and we both know that neither of us care. “Sit on the floor Gabe. I’m going to shove your cock down my throat.”

My breath catches in my throat. The music floats in from my bedroom, its tempo racing my heartbeats. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so bad, but some part of me knows that this is taking advantage of Willow, that no matter how right everything feels right now it’ll feel like shit tomorrow. I sit on the floor, across from her. The water still feels good, but my jaw hurts. I can’t remember if I’ve been clenching or grinding, but it doesn’t matter. I can hardly see myself down this low, when all the candles are up so high. The only light are the brightly glowing glow sticks that twist their way around Willow. I swallow hard, and the lump that’s been in my throat disappears. “I love you.” I say, even as she’s pushing me against a corner of the shower. She sits up for a second and twists around. The hot water sears my skin like fire, but the flames lick against my skin comfortingly after a moment. “I love you, and I want you, and I’m scared right now.”

She lies on her stomach, her head resting against my thigh. Her fingers trace lazy designs against the inside of my thigh, sending electricity like a jolt through my nervous system. I watch her face tilt up, and I can feel her angling herself over me. “Don’t.” She says, her breath like fire against my stomach. “I want to. I love you.” She pauses for a second, and I expect her to say something else but she’s through talking. Being inside of her mouth is this entirely different feeling. Better than anything I’ve ever felt before in my life. Her tongue swirls against the head of my cock, one hand wrapped around the base. Her other is steadying herself, pressed hard against that place where my thighs connect to my pelvis. And then oh god she has my entire cock in her mouth, and I can feel the smooth edges of her throat. My hands are gripping her hair, her arms, her hand. Any part of her that I can reach, because this feels so fucking good. Bombs go off behind my closed eye lids, the mushroom clouds that are left in their wake flash a neon rainbow. Ever color under the fucking sun. Her hands tighten and I feel her lips sucking against the base of my cock. Soft, then hard, soft, hard. The repetition is endless as her head bobs up and down. I don’t know if I’m screaming, or if it’s the music. Maybe it’s the sound of the water that’s pelting down around us, rushing through my ears. I try to find words, but something less than gibberish escapes my lips. She stops, tilts her head up, and pushes her hair out of her bangs. “Am I good?” She wants to know.

I nod, “R-really.” I wish I could catch my breath. My heart is beating marathon style, and my lungs wont expand right.

She grins, and slips her mouth over me again. I wish we’d turned the lights on, so I could watch this. How many times have I imagined Willow while other girls sucked me off? How many times had I woken up, my sheets covered in come, because I’d had a dream about her? Jesus fucking Christ. Its fitting how no girl’s mouth is ever going to feel as good as hers does now. Thizz, too many endorphins, and my sick love/lust for her are making sure of that. My brain feels friend. Thoughts filter in garbled and disappear before I know what I’m thinking about, and then I can’t think. I can only feel, and even then its nearly undistinguishable. Her lips soft and wet, her tongue running against the length of my cock, and her fingers. Those damn fingers that are too tight, and too loose in this perfect way that makes everything so much better than I could have ever imagined it. My hands dig into her shoulders, pulling on her hair, following the swift bobs her head is making. She’s making me so dizzy, and everything feels so good. So fucking good. Then, too soon, I’m coming with my cock deep inside her throat. My hands are tangled in her wet messy hair, and my hips keep bucking until a quiet numb seeps into my body. My nerve endings feel so friend, I’m scared that they’ve all died, but it would be worth it. The last thing I ever felt was Willow. She sits up, sits back, and watches me. I’m slumped in the corner, one leg tucked underneath me, the other stretched as long as it could go. When she goes to pull her hair out of her face, I watch her. The glow stick light makes her look unearthly. Her grin is a lazy smirk, but her eyes are still full of lust. There’s a smear of my come on the left corner of her mouth.

“That was fun.” She says, scooting till she’s close enough to rest her head on my shoulder. Her hand rubs up and down my chest. “Mmm… I wonder if it always feels that good.”

“What?”

“Probably not. Everything feels so much better than it ever has before. Hold on,” she adjusts the water again. The cool warmth makes me shiver, calms my frayed nerves. My breathing slows and the pressure in my chest disappears. “That’s better. I’ve never given a blow job before. I’ve never like, done anything with a guy before.”

“Wow.”

“So you were my first,” she says. I can hear the smile in her voice.

“I’ve never… that was… that was like, the most violent orgasm of my life. Which is strange, because up until this they’ve all been the same.”

She giggles, wiggling towards me. ”So I’m the best?”

“Without a doubt.”

She sighs, “You fuck everything in my head up.”

“Why aren’t you smiling? Will? How did I… ?” I let the sentence hang. I’m not sure if I want to know.

“Because,” she says, laughing. Euphoric all over again, “You’re the perfect woman, but you have a dick.”

“Um,”

“It’s a complement, I swear. I love you.” She kisses me. Her mouth tastes salty, and slightly metallic. “I really do. I’m just like… I don’t know. I want to be with you, in every possible way right now. I want to lie in this… water with you until we drown.”

“Or until my mom walks in.”

She giggles, leaning away from me. “Oh god. Finding her only son naked in a shower with his lesbian best friend. She’d have me skinned.”

“Nah, she’d just tell us to stop fucking around.” I laugh, trying to imagine those words coming out of my mothers mouth. I don’t want to think about how she’d really react.

“I feel like I’m lying to you,” she says, wiping the water away from her face.

I cough, “How?”

“Acting like I don’t want you. I mean, I don’t know. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I’m just a pervert or something. I’ve thought about doing… this, a lot. It turns me on, just thinking about all of this. And doing it? I just…” she shivers.

Laughing, I sink lower. It would be uncomfortable if I was sober but I’m not, and its not. Nothing could be uncomfortable right now. “Maybe you’re just attracted to guys that look like me? Maybe the tools around here don’t turn you on because they’re all the same –“

“I have internet, idiot. When I was, like, fourteen I would spend all my time online looking up the guys that every girl I went to school with was in love with. Pete Wentz, Ryan Ross, all those other band boys? They dress exactly the way you do, and I’ve never been able to think about them sexually. Its never been a problem with girls. Even like, romantically. I could walk down the street and see a gorgeous girl, and the rest of the day I’d daydream about the things I could do with her. While all my friends were going nuts over boys, I was swooning over their girlfriends. And then you come in, and all of a sudden no one else is good enough. They’re all compared to you.”

“So why won’t you … I don’t know. Why haven’t you done anything?”

She shrugs, “I told you I was gay, and so you don’t like me … like the way I want you too. It’d be stupid if out of the blue, I was all ‘oh by the way I’m totally straight for you. Can I fuck you now?’”

I try to picture it. Desire rumbles in my stomach again. “Do you know how hot that would have been?”

“Shut up.” But she’s laughing too. “Can we go lie in your bed?”

I nod, and we get out of the shower silently. I chuckle nervously when she brushes against me, but she doesn’t notice. “You’re still wearing your underwear,” I say.

She shrugs, “So?”

“I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem fair. I have to be naked.”

“No one’s making you,” she teases.

“Take them off.”

She snorts. “If they upset you so bad, you take them off for me.”

I don’t know if her words are a challenge or just our usual banter, but I don’t let it stop me. I scoop her up, toss her over my shoulder, and run towards the bed. The air around us feels like ice, and every part of my skin prickles. She’s laughing, breathless, when I toss her on the bed. I stare at her, my grin matching hers. Her hair is soaked, her bangs sticking to her forehead. The rest of it curls and waves as if fans out across some of the pillows. A beautiful medusa. “You’re so beautiful.” I say when I’m down there with her.

“You’ve said that a lot tonight.”

I kiss her, running one of my hands down her side. Her back arches towards me, and I grip onto her hip. “You have any idea what you do to me?”

“No.”

“How can you not?”

“You’re secretive, when you want to be.”

“I want you, all the time.”

She looks skeptical. “Really?”

“You’re all I think about. You fuck my head up just as much as I fuck yours up.” I say, my fingers slipping under the elastic of her underwear. They feel lacy and wet against the back of my fingers. Willow shivers under my touch. “I’m in love with you.”

“You’re in lust.” She corrects grinning, but she’s wrong. I don’t correct her right now though. I’ve wanted to tell her every day since I pinpointed what the ache in my chest was. I’ve spent hours practicing those words with different facial expressions. She’s writhing under my touch. I can feel her heartbeat, faster than a hummingbirds, under my fingers when I drag them over her throat. Her breath stops altogether when I start pulling her underwear off. “W-what… Gabe.” But she doesn’t sound focused, or even coherent really, and this is something that I can’t pass up. I want to feel every single part of her before the night is over. I slip two of my fingers between her legs, and inside of her, without replying. She gasps, tilting herself towards me. It’s the sexiest thing she could have done. “Gabe.”

“Yeah?”

“Are … are you going to fuck me?”

I shake my head, lowering my mouth to hers. “Not if you don’t want me too.”

She sighs as I slip my fingers out of her, and up up up, till I’m toying with her clit. She’s more wet than any girl I’ve ever fucked around with. The knowledge spreads satisfaction coursing through my veins. “I don’t… I don’t know what I want.”

“Well when you figure it out, let me know.”

“I just… I just want to feel good. Everything feels good, but it feels better when you’re next to me. Touching me. Don’t stop touching me.”

So I don’t.

She comes in a sigh, clutching onto my back and whispering my name. the rest of the night is much of the same. We talk about everything that we can think of, until every part of the other has been explored. We make plans for the rest of the weekend, and the rest of the week, and make promises that we’ll never keep. She teases and taunts me with her body, and I do the same. We’re sexual gods, we declare, as we continue to get each other off throughout the night, until neither of our bodies feel like they can take anything else. She’s sticky in come, and so am I. Its interesting, entertaining, and liberating. The sun is peaking out through the trees when she announces that she’s coming down, wrapped up in a blanket. Instead of the desire she’s been looking at me with all night, she’s flushed and won’t meet my eyes. I don’t want to get to where she is before I have to go to bed, so we curl up, and slip quietly into sleep.