Stop and Erase

Samantha sat on the white chair with her feet up, hugging her knees close to her. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for the real world anymore. She had been confined in the small facility in the middle of Rhode Island; a state she didn’t even know existed until seven months ago.

But the doctors at this small facility told Samantha’s parents she was ready to leave. It took almost a full month for Samantha to finally cooperate enough to begin the lengthy process to rid her body of all the drugs she put in her body. She itched for anything to make her high; she was even willing to sniff glue. It was that moment which made Samantha realize she was a mess.

She missed everything thanks to her stupid choices in life. She missed her older brother’s graduation last week and her entire family’s birthdays including her own. She didn’t even know what was happening in the outside world. She shut herself off from everyone but the one person she wanted to see the most hadn’t even bothered trying to see her.

“Samantha? You ready to get out of here?” Sam looked up and saw the friendly nurse who was by Samantha’s side throughout her stay here. Natasha or Tasha as Samantha liked to call her, saw a lot of herself in Samantha which made her more than willing to help her become clean again. She worked a lot of overtime trying to keep Samantha calm at night when all Samantha wanted was for Nick to by her bedside holding her hand.

A tiny smile crept onto Samantha’s face as she stood up and walked to where Tasha was standing. “Yes, but I’m going to miss you.”

Tasha smiled a wrapped her arms around Samantha. “I’ll miss you too honey, but I hope to never see you in here again.”

“Trust me you won’t,” Samantha replied as she pulled away from Tasha and wrapped her cardigan around her tightly. “I just don’t want to live here. I want to go home.”

“You’re home now kiddo.” Behind Tasha stood Evelyn Jenkins, Samantha’s mom who had aged incredibly the last year and a half. Samantha felt partially guilty but mostly she blamed old age so she wouldn’t have a guilty conscious for the rest of her life. “Now come on, I can’t wait for you to see your new home.”

Samantha gave a final smile to Tasha and walked toward her mother who immediately wrapped one arm around Samantha’s shoulders. “You’re going to love it here. You have all summer to… well before you start school again.”

Samantha kept her mouth closed the entire walk back to the car where her father, James, was leaning on the hood of his car anxiously awaiting for his daughter. Samantha was used to the disappointed looks she got from her parents but she didn’t expect smiles, hugs and all around jolliness.

The car ride to her new home felt long and it made Samantha anxious not knowing what to expect. She kept looking out the window and it finally sunk in, she was not in New York City anymore. Everything was different, even the people in the cars passing by looked different. They didn’t look like they had any problems. They’re kids were all probably perfect little angels who have never heard of heroin or seen lines of cocaine.

Finally, the three Jenkins arrived at their home. Evelyn was right, it was lovely but it was too much of a change. Samantha already had to move to a different state, start all over and leave all of her friends behind, did her whole family really have to move along with her and buy this enormous house?

“So what do you think?” Evelyn asked. “I fell in love with it right away. Your father on the other hand… well it took some convincing.”

“It’s okay,” Samantha finally said, “Different…Big.”

“Let’s go inside,” she said, “Your brothers are waiting to see you. Then maybe if you’re up for it we can go shopping. You’re in need of some new clothes. I got rid of most of your old stuff.”

“Great,” Samantha grumbled as she trudged up the driveway and started walking towards the front door. She grabbed the door knob and pushed the door. The inside of the house looked even larger. The whole house had hardwood floors unlike her last house. She always dreamed of having a house with hardwood floors so she can wake up every morning and slide into the kitchen. Maybe if her dream house was real she wouldn’t grow up to be so messed up.

She noticed the living room had the same furniture and everything from her old house; at least her mother didn’t go and throw everything away like the clean freak she is.

“Sammy! You’re home!” Samantha looked up at the stairs and running down was Samantha’s younger brother Tyler. He was only twelve but he looked way mature than how she remembered. She never really paid attention to the small details but now that her head was clear she felt she missed at least the last two years of her brother’s life.

She desperately hoped he wouldn’t try to pull any of the same stunts Samantha had when she was his age. She wanted to be there for her brother more than anything now and hoped it wasn’t too late at all.

“Hey Tyler,” Samantha said with a genuine grin on her face, “You grew!”

“Yep! Hey want to see your room? It’s right across from mine.” She nodded her head and Tyler pulled on her arm to follow him up the stairs. “That’s a closet, bathroom, my room…” He opened his bedroom door quickly and Samantha glanced in for a second until she was pulled to the room across from Tyler’s.

“This is your room,” Tyler said opening the closed white door. “It was white but I asked Mom if I could paint it so it wouldn’t remind you of where you used to live. I hope you like it.”

Samantha looked at her new bedroom. It was a bright orange, her favorite color. The whole room was actually filled with bright colors. The small twin bed had a fuchsia colored comforter and there was even a purple desk that had a few books and Samantha’s iPod which she missed dearly.

The whole room was pretty empty compared to her old room. There were no posters or pictures on the walls and it made it Samantha upset that her mother probably threw everything from Samantha’s past away. Her mother was such a drama queen sometimes and Samantha hated it.

“Look you have a view too,” Tyler said, “We have a lake by the way. We’ll it’s not our lake but it is back there so I guess it is part ours.”

“Our own lake?” Samantha questioned, “That’s pretty sick. Is it okay to swim and stuff?”

“I guess,” Tyler said, “I have seen any sharks or anything.” Samantha snorted at her brother’s comment. “I’m kidding there’s no sharks. There are fishes. We can go fishing if you want.”

“Fishing?” she questioned. “Maybe…”

“Hey tweaker,” Samantha’s older brother Jack said, “Nice to see you again.”

“Ha ha Jack,” Samantha replied, “You’re hilarious.”

“I know,” he replied, “But then again I’ve always been hilarious you’ve just never realized.”

“I guess so. So did Mom really throw out all my shit?” Jack nodded which caused Samantha to growl in response. “What is her deal? Looking at pictures of my old life going to send me into relapse? I don’t think so.”

“Just calm down,” Jack said. He bit down on his bottom lip as he looked back and forth at Samantha and Tyler. “Want to go out somewhere? Pretty sure you don’t have much but granny clothes in your drawers.”

“You’re joking!” Samantha quickly made her way to her dresser and pulled open the first drawer. It consisted of familiar undergarments minus the thongs she used to own. “Bitch.” She opened the next one and it revealed a few tank tops and two shirts that looked a size too big. “She’s so ignorant!”

Jack laughed at his sister’s anger and crossed his arms over his broad chest. She finally opened her closet which was half empty. It only had five pairs of skinny jeans, a few colorful cardigans and two church looking dresses she would never be caught dead in.

“I don’t have any money though,” Samantha said as she closed her closet. “Do you have any money?”

“Well, I did get a lot of money for graduation,” Jack said, “But I do have a little present for you.” Jack left Samantha’s room and quickly returned with a familiar coffee can in hand. “Tyler don’t you say a word to Mom but here Sammy.” Jack handed his sister the can and she happily took it from him. She opened the lid to reveal hundreds of dollars. It was the money she had from selling of course and only Jack knew of this.

“I’m pretty sure Mom would have given it to charity or something,” he said, “So I quickly snatched it. I didn’t touch a penny if you wanted to count it.”

“You’re the best,” Samantha said smiling for the second time in a long time, “Thank you.” She wrapped her arms around her brother’s neck and gave him a hug. “I owe you.”

“Yeah, you do,” he said, “But come on. I’ll take you to one store and you can buy whatever you want. I’ll just tell the parentals I’m taking you guys out for lunch or something.” He winked at his sister and left her alone with Tyler once again.

Sam looked into the can to see if there was anything else she might have put in there. She almost stopped digging around until she found a folded up piece of paper on the bottom of the can. She picked it out and opened it. It was a picture of her and Nick. On the back she noticed in black sharpie he had written “You’re amazing that is true...I’ll only keep my eye on you…Your laugh makes me smile…Always last for awhile…Hold me tight and never let go…Until these oceans has stopped their flow.”



“I’m glad you’re home Sammy,” Tyler said. He leaned in to hug his sister and whispered to her, “Please promise me you won’t leave me again.”

“I promise,” Samantha said back.

Samantha wanted to keep her word to her brother but she wasn’t sure if she even knew how to keep a promise. The last promise she made to her brother was that she’d be there for his tenth birthday. She did make it in time to sing happy birthday in front of all his friends and her family but she was completely gone and ruined his cake by smashing her hand into the cake and eating it like that.

If a new Samantha was what her family wanted then she was going to try harder. Maybe living here wouldn’t be so bad. Nobody else seemed to want her around but her family. Not even Nick and that would have broken Samantha’s heart if she actually cared. Sam Jenkins might have cared and loved Nick to pieces but Samantha Jenkins could give two shits for that scumbag.

She took one last look at the photo before ripping it to shreds.