With Love Comes Pain, but What About Forgiveness?

We welcomed our new baby girl home, Joe has been focused on naming her ever since he found out that I was pregnant, the name he had his heart set on was Marie Nicole. Denise’s middle name is Marie so that’s where he got that from and Nicole is my middle, which he insisted on and of course I couldn’t tell him no. Besides, it was a beautiful name.

It’s been a month since she was born and it’s been hectic, we have to wake up with her every few hours for her to eat so we have been sleep deprived, but other than that motherhood has been wonderful, I love it.

We need to talk. Let’s meet at Starbucks in twenty. – Nick

I stared down at my phone at the text message and took a deep breath, “Joe, baby, I’m going to meet your brother up for some coffee, I haven’t seen him in a few days, is that okay?” I asked Joe as he held Marie in his arms, he patted her back and nodded at me, “Do you want anything from there?”

He shook his head, “No, I’m alright, you need to take a break anyway, you’ve been with her all morning,” he said as he walked over to me and kissed my lips, “Have fun, and don’t go overboard on the coffee, you’ve been doing that this past month.” He laughed lightly as I smiled at him.

It took me about ten minutes to throw some clothes on and apply some make up. It took me another fifteen to drive to Starbucks. I thought about the possibility of Nick knowing that Marie was his daughter; every time Nick got a feeling it was usually right, so hopefully he wasn’t getting any.

When I arrived at Starbucks I saw Nick sitting inside quietly alone and I sat across from him, he had already ordered my coffee, “What did you need to talk about?” I asked him as I took a sip out of Mocha Frap, “This is good, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said as he smiled slightly, “That night that we shared…we need to talk about that,” I took a deep breath and my heart raced, “We’ve been acting like nothing ever happened and something did happen.”

“It was a mistake, Nick,” I told him as I sighed, “When you told me that Joe cheated on me it broke my heart and I reacted wrongly, I shouldn’t have ever pursued you that night regardless-”

“He never cheated on you,” Nick said softly as he looked down at his friends, “That’s why I wanted to talk to you today,” he told me as my heart stopped, “I lied, I don’t want you thinking that Joe cheated on you for the rest of your life because he didn’t and I know how much he loves you and I don’t want you to love him any less because of a lie.”

I felt my cheeks become moist, “You lied?” I asked him as I stuttered, “You lied to me about that? Why would you do that Nick?” My tears began to poor down my cheeks, “I took your virginity from you and gave you mine because I was angry at something that wasn’t even true, how could you do that?”

“I’m sorry, I guess I was just jealous because Joe had you, Kevin has Danielle and I had no one,” he said softly, “I wanted someone to love and I didn’t have anyone, I still don’t have anyone.”

“So you think it’s okay to lie to your brothers fiancé so that they’d ease their way into your arms?” I scoffed as I shook my head, “I shouldn’t have slept with you, I admit that it was wrong, but you shouldn’t have lied.”

“I know, I know,” he said as he buried his face in his hands, “You’re one of my closest friends and I don’t want you mad at me, please, just forgive me and we can just forget it all?”

“No,” I said as I shook my head at him and stood up, “I don’t forgive you, I’m sorry,” I told him as I wiped my eyes, “I have to get out of here.”

I rushed back home and cried the whole way there, I couldn’t believe it, all of this time I had in my mind that Joe had cheated on me, and it was all a lie. How could I do that to someone that I love? I should have gone about things differently; I shouldn’t have ever pursued Nick. How could I be so stupid?

When I reached my house I sat inside of the car and bawled for what seemed like forever. I didn’t stop until I heard a knock on the window and it scared me, it was Joe.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he said after he opened up my door, “Why are you crying out here?” He ran his fingers through my hair, “What happened with Nick?”

I stepped out of the car and leaned against it. I buried my face into my hands and continued to cry hysterically, “I’m so sorry, Joe,” I said to him, “I messed up and I’m sorry.”

He wrapped his arms around my body, “What do you mean you messed up?” he asked me in a confused tone as he pulled my body towards him, “Baby, tell me what happened, you can tell me anything remember?”

“If I tell you then you’re going to leave me,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his body and cried into his chest, “I don’t want you to leave me because I love you so much, you mean the world to me.”

I felt his breath on my neck, “You’re really starting to scare me, Jewel,” he said as he rubbed my back, I could feel his heartbeat and it was racing, “Tell me what happened, please.”

It was now or never, “A month before we got married I cheated on you,” I said as I cried even more, “He told me you cheated on me and I was so stupid that I believed him, I was mad at you so I just did it without even thinking it through,” I brought my face up to look at him, “Two days before our wedding I found out that I was pregnant, Marie isn’t yours.”

Joe removed his arms from around me and took three steps back, “You’re lying,” he said as he shook his head, “You’re lying to me and it’s not funny,” I watched his eyes begin to tear up, “Tell me you’re lying, Jewel, tell me you’re lying!”

“I wish that it was, I wish that it never happened, it was a mistake,” I said as I continued to cry, I walked towards him and reached for his hands but it backed away from me even more, “Joe, please…”

“Don’t touch me,” he said loudly as I stopped dead in my tracks, “Just don’t even come near me right now,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “Who’s he? Who was it?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I told him as I cried, “Why does it--”

“Tell me who it was!” He shouted at me as I jumped, “Tell me who it was, Jewel, who did you sleep with?”

“Nick,” I said in almost a whisper, “It was Nick.”