With Love Comes Pain, but What About Forgiveness?

The next two weeks were the longest two of my life. Joe and I have been extremely distant; the only time that we shared a conversation was when we were talking about Marie. He hadn’t asked me to leave the house, which I admit surprised me. I thought he would have kicked me out immediately, we still shared a bed but instead of the both of us sleeping in the middle, he was on the right and I was on the left. We haven’t shared a kiss or hug or any other sort of affectionate moves since I told him, I don’t blame him though.

I was in the living room with Marie and she was lying on my chest. I began to lightly rub her back as I pressed my lips to the top of her head. She was sound asleep without a care in the world. Joe was upstairs in the back of the house where the gym room was; he’s been spending a lot of time there lately; there and in the studio down in the basement.

The tears began to well up in my eyes again and the only person running through my mind was Joe. I couldn’t keep my tears in any longer, I hadn’t cried since the day I told him, but this must have been another breaking point for me. I wanted everything to go back to normal, I wish that I could go back in time and erase my mistake; I would give anything to have a second chance. I felt the pain deep in my chest as my tears continued to pour down my face.

“Stop crying,” I heard Joe’s voice say softly, I turned to him and he was walking towards me slowly, “I don’t like it when you cry,” I could hear the sadness in his voice which only made me cry harder, “Baby, please, stop.” He called me ‘baby’, which has to mean something positive, right?

“I wish I could stop,” I told him truthfully as I took a deep breath to try and stop but I failed, “I wish you knew how much I regret it,” I wiped my nose with the hand that I wasn’t supporting Marie with, “I was just so angry at what Nick had told me and I made the worst decision of my life and it cost me everything that ever meant anything to me.”

He grabbed Marie out of my arms, “Let me put her in her crib,” he said softly as he looked at me, “I’ll be right back and we’ll talk, alright?” he asked me as I nodded my head quickly, “Don’t cry anymore, I don’t like it.” He walked out of the living room with Marie and I stood up quickly.

I wiped my eyes but that didn’t stop the tears from falling. I couldn’t help but fear the worst. The only thing that ran through my mind was that was about to tell me that he wanted a divorce and that he wanted me out of his house as soon as possible, and that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. Just that mere thought broke my heart into a million and one pieces. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, I couldn’t imagine not being able to wake up next to him every day; I couldn’t imagine not growing old with him like we used to talk about. I just couldn’t imagine any of it.

I grabbed the closest thing that was next to me to wipe my face; it was a shirt that Joe had bought for me but it was getting peeled out of my hands before I could use it.

“Not with that,” Joe said as he handed me a tissue and set the shirt next to him as he sat down, “I bought that for you, I don’t want it full of boogers,” I laughed lightly as I wiped my nose with the tissue.

“You always know how to make me laugh in the most serious of moment,” I said to him as I laid my hands in my lap and then looked up at him, “Which is one of the reasons that I love you,” I told him truthfully as his mouth turned into a small smile.

Joe placed a lose strand of my hair behind my ear, “I love you, too,” he said softly as he rested his hand on my cheek, “And I know you well enough to know that you’re sorry for what happened,” he said to me as my eyes began to tear up again, “I can see that you’re sorry, I could see that when you first told me,” I watched his eyes begin to tear up as well, “It’s just hard to get over something like that in a minute, you know?” I nodded my head, “But I’m willing to try and get through it for you and for Marie.” Just as he finished that particular sentence my heart began to grin tremendously for the first time in two weeks. I’ve never felt as much as a relief in my whole life as I did just at that very moment.

“We don’t have to tell anyone that she’s Nick’s,” I told him as I grabbed his hands, “We don’t even have to tell Nick,” I went on, “Marie is yours, she was yours the moment I told you that I was pregnant, she was yours when I had her, she’s yours now, and she will be yours forever.”

His face brightened, “That’s what I was planning on telling you, but I didn’t think you would actually go for it,” he said to me as I smiled with him, “And you’re right, she’s my daughter no matter her genes say, she’s my baby, right?” It sounded like he was trying to reassure himself.

I nodded my head to him vigorously, “Right,” I told him, “I love you so much,” I grabbed his face and ran my thumbs across his cheeks, “So so much.”

He didn’t waste any time before leaning in and crashing his lips against mine and pushing my back onto the couch gently. We then made a lot love that was overdue.

I had come clean to Joe and we were now moving forward; that meant more to me than anything, now, the only thing left to do is to manage to keep the truth a secret.