Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

Another medical condition was added to my records. Temporary Drug Induced Epilepsy. A condition caused by my drug use, and is a reaction to the lack of drugs in my system. I don’t really feel a whole lot during an episode. It kinda feels like a dream where I’m on a rollercoaster. I’m not sure of my location or even my conscious responses. For this I am given sedatives. I like to sleep, so I’m glad they sedate me.

Gerard has visited. We have not held a conversation in nearly two weeks. That is how long I’ve been going through these weird fits. I don’t know what to say to him anymore. In these two weeks that we have not spoken, I have done a lot of thinking. I have come to the conclusion that I may be falling for Gerard. I can’t look at him, not out of disgust but out of embarrassment.

I am pulled from my thoughts by a soft knock at my door. I lazily turn my head when I hear the soft squeak of the door. My eyes fall on Mikey. I breathe a sigh of relief.

“Mikey. Oh my god I’ve missed you.” I greet him.

“Hey buddy, how’s things?” He asks.

I am positive that Gerard has updated him on my ‘progress’, if you will.

“Oh you know, not a lot.” I reply.

“That’s good.” He smiles at me. It’s a sad, sorry smile.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been to visit in a while.” He continues after a short pause for thought.

“S’ok. I get it.” I answer.

“No Frankie it’s not okay. You need me more than ever, and I let go of you, and now you’ve fallen even further.” He rambles a bit, clearly torn apart by guilt.

“Mikey, I know that stint I pulled frightened you and I am so, so sorry to you. For putting you through that; but please don’t blame yourself. You had every right to have some time to cool off and reflect. Please don’t beat yourself up over this.”

Mikey nods his head in thought for a moment.

“Gee says you’ve stopped talking again.” He states. His words are unsure.

“I’m thinking of becoming a mute.” I grin sheepishly.

“That’s not funny Frankie. Please don’t lose your will to fight. I’ve managed to stay clean for a whole month. I need you as my sidekick.” He responds, crawling into my bed with me.

“Sometimes I think that I was the one poisoning you, by being around you.” I state, rubbing his hair how I know he likes it.

“Nah, I was the one that got you hooked. I just didn’t realise what you were actually going through.” He replied snuggling into me a bit more.

“I love you Mikey Way.”

“I love you too Frankie.”