Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

I am not sure what happened. There is the period of time that is completely blank. I am a feeling a little unsettled about it. On the other hand Gerard took me out of the new place and let me go back to my room. I like my room. My stuff is there, and I now have a TV.
Gerard says I’ve worked hard, and deserve to have some TV time. I like to watch the news. It keeps me in touch with the world. It is chaos out there right now. There have been three murders in Jersey this week. I don’t know what to make of this new world that I’m just waking up too.

“Hey Frankie,” Gerard smiles at me as he enters my room.

“Hey Gee.” I reply, with a smile of my own.

“I have good news Frankie.” Gerard says.

He comes and sits with me by the window.

“What’s that?” I ask.

“The test went well. We’re going to start transition.” He replies, a wide smile spread across his face.

“What’s transition?” I ask.

“Transition is where you get to go home a few days each week, and then as you get better, we keep adding days until you are ready to leave this place completely.” He explains.

“Oh, cool.” I say.

Gerard picks up on my lack of enthusiasm.

“Is there something wrong Frank?” He asks.

“Well I like it here. I am looked after and fed and it’s just generally better here than out there.” I say, pointing out the window.

“Oh, well it will be okay Frankie. You will be coming to stay with me, Mikey and our mom.” He says.

“I don’t know Gee; I guess I’m just really scared.” I admit.

“How about we start with two days. We’ll see how it goes.” He tries to convince me.

I relent, knowing my feelings for him are growing.

“Okay, I’ll try.” I say, giving in.

“Good. We’ll start on Monday.” He replies.

I don’t reply. Gerard sits for a moment longer, then get up to leave.

“Gerard? What day is it today?” I ask, just before he’s out the door.

“Friday, Frankie” He smiles, then leaves.

I sit there, looking out the window, and just think about everything. If today is Friday, then that means there is only two days til I’ll get to leave my safe place. Suddenly I am overwhelmed by memories. These are the ones I am used to. Memories of my dad, beating me raping me, my mom just watching, her ignoring me. My drug addiction, Mikey.

It takes over me and I let a choked gasp escape my lips. I am emotionally wounded. It literally takes my breath away. I sink from the chair to the floor. I curl into the tightest ball I can as sobs wrack my body. I am not aware that I am hysterically crying until someone is lifting me from the floor. They wrap their arms around me tight and a familiar scent enters my senses.

It takes a while but I eventually calm. We sit there for a while in silence. I can feel the sick rising in my throat. I scramble up and make it to the doorway of my bathroom before it becomes too much and I am sick all over the tiled floor. I am doubled over, still vomiting when someone rubs Gerard rubs my back and pulls my hair from my face.

“It’s okay Frankie, let it all out.” He soothes.