Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

I woke up, looked around and immediately had a safe feeling. I felt calm, but I could tell that it was drug calm. I found myself back in my room at the hospital, in my own room with the bars on the windows and the railings up on my bed to stop me from falling out during fits. I was calm. I looked down and noticed a drip in my arm and a bandage on my forearm. I looked up at the bag of fluid and read the label; Xanax. Damn that shit’s going to fuck me up again. I hope they know what they are doing.

“Frank?” A surprise voice questions.

I look over to my doorway and a wave of panic flushes through my body. My heart beat quickens and my lungs close over.

“W-what are you d-doing here? You...you’re meant to be...not here...w-why are you here? P-please don’t h-hurt me.” I mumble.

“What are you talking about, Frank?” He questions, an innocent tone one showing through.

“Leave...d-dad...I’ll s-scream.” I warn.

“Frank, what’s wrong?” He paces quickly over to me.

“Frank I am not your dad. What’s wrong?” He asks, taking me gently by the shoulders.

I stiffen at his touch. Suddenly I feel air rush into my lungs, so I do the only that that will save me from my dad; I scream, loudly.

This must have alerted a doctor or someone, because I can hear an alarm sound. Soon Mel is standing at the doorway to my room.

“Mel...help me...Mel dad’s trying to kill me!” I cry out.

I feel dad let go of me and Mel takes my hand and order’s him out of the room. I turn into her and sob. I can’t help but let myself cry and soon it’s hysterical.

“Shh, Frankie, it’s okay. Shh, it’s okay.” She pets my hair and soothes me.

I calm a bit and look up to her. She smiles down at me.

“Frankie, come sit sweetie.” She ushers me over to the seats by the window.

“Where is everyone Mel, what’s wrong?” I ask, desperate.

“Frank, that wasn’t your dad that was here just before.” She starts, using a soft voice.

“Mel, that was my dad, I saw him with my own two eyes. It was him, you have to believe me.” I state urgently, trying to get her to understand.

“Frank, that wasn’t your dad. That was Dr Masters. Frank we believe that you may be suffering from a number of conditions.” She tries again.

I sit and look at her with a dumbfounded look on my face.

“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to get my thoughts straight.

“Frank do you know what day it is? What the date is?” She asks.

I search my brain and deem it to be Wednesday the 2nd of December. I voice this to Mel.

“Frank, its Monday the 3rd of January. Honey, Gerard and his mom bought you in. You’re body shut down. You haven’t been conscious and lucid since the beginning of December. Don’t you remember anything?” She asks.

I simply look at her, not believing a word.

“How can that be?” I ask.

“Gerard told us of what happened. You had a nightmare that you were living while awake.
Then you knocked yourself out in rage and your body simply needed to recover. Your emotional pain was giving you false physical pain. You were re-living your past. Every beating, rape and even getting hit by your dad’s car. Frank this is Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome mixed with Schizophrenia. The PTS is of an unseen extreme. We are even lucky that you didn’t die, with the amounts of pain you thought you were in.” She pauses.

This has gone way too far, I can’t stop it though. I can’t imagine what Gerard and Mikey, hell even Donna are thinking. Oh dear.

“What’s going to happen now Mel?” I ask, fearing the answer.

“Well you are still in Trauma, thinking all males are your dad. I am afraid that I am not sure, but all I know is that only you can get out of it. For now, we have put you back on the Xanax and morphine for pain. Frank I hope you come out of this soon.” She kneels in front of me.

“Am I going to remember any of this?” I ask.

“No,” She sighs.

“Oh.” I reply.

“C’mon, go back to bed. For now it’s best that you try to sleep it off. You should have a pretty calm sleep tonight. I have upped the dosage of your Xanax.” She smile, tucks me in and pulls the rails up.

“See you when you’re awake.” She smile and leaves.

I settle in my bed, feeling the numbness of the drugs. I can remember why I loved my drugs so much. The numb was my only escape. I settle and close my eyes as I still feel strangely tired.