Suffering Alone In Silence

Frank’s POV

I’ve been out of the hospital for a few days now. I was prescribed some pretty heavy painkillers and I think the doctor didn’t really read my file. I was taken off the anti-psychotics and given Xanax. I am currently hiding in my room, laughing at nothing.
There is a knock at the door, before Gerard’s head pops around the door.

“How you feeling hunny?” He asks.

“Oh, Gee, I’m so fucking high right now, and it’s so freaking awesome,” I giggle.

I can really describe the look on Gerard’s face. I have no attachment to the real world right now; therefore I don’t really recognise Gerard’s concern.

“Baby, you have to stop this now,” He pleads, coming into my room and sitting next to me.

“Why? Gerard I am so freakin’ happy right now, why would you wanna take that away from me?” I ask, pouting slightly.

“You’re hurting. Frank, you are hurting and just masking it, please go and see Mel,” He begs.

I look at Gerard and it’s like I’ve suddenly sobered up. He is hurting and it’s my fault. We look at each other and a silent understanding is made.

“Okay, Gee, I’ll go and see Mel,” I negotiate.

“Good, I’ll take you,” He smiles.

I nod and we kiss each other quickly.

“How sober are you?” He asks.

“Sober enough to do some homework I suppose,” I reply.

“Let’s go downstairs and I’ll help you with it,” He suggests, kissing me chastely once more.

I nod and we go downstairs to do my homework. I was given clear instructions not to go to school by the police, so for now, Gerard brings my work home for me each night.
We take a seat in the kitchen, and have made a start on the workbook for maths. We hear the front door open, and Donna calls out that she is home. She walks into the kitchen and smiles at me.

“Hey Frankie, how are you doing? I haven’t seen you all day,” She laughs.
Gerard and I join in before I reply.

“I’m feeling much better, thank you Donna. I’m going to go and see Mel tomorrow; Gerard said he would take me,” I tell her.

“Good. I’ve been worried about you since you got home. You just lock yourself in your room all day. I was starting to worry,” She smiles at me, but I can see the worry in her eyes.

“I’m sorry Donna. I just can’t help it, every time something happens I feel like I need to destroy myself.” my explanation is vague.

“Don’t apologise to me, sweetie, I knew that what happened would set you back, just please don’t block us out,” She still smiles but it is a heartbroken smile.

I nod and Gerard and I go back to doing my school work. My teachers say that I am doing well and have caught up to a reasonable standard that I’ll be able to move back to the right grade soon. Donna shuffles around the kitchen, making dinner and just cleaning up the mess.

I am just finishing my maths work when the front door opens again and Mikey calls out. I reply and I hear him stomp into the kitchen. His cheeks are a rosy red and his hair is damp, but he wears a big smile on his face.

What has you so happy, Mikey?” I ask, curiously.

“You are big news around school, but that’s not why I am happy. Do you remember Alicia?” He asks.

Shocked about the news of me going around school, I can only nod at Mikey’s question.

“Well she asked me out and of course I said yes. Frankie, she is so damn cute.” He rambles on.

“Congratulations,” I reply, smiling at my best friend.

“Life is so great when your sober,” Mikey says, without thinking.

The kitchen goes quiet and I look down at my lap. I know my cheeks are stained with a light pink shade, even though Gerard knows about my new drug habit.