These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

Belladonna's P.O.V.

I sat there on that dirty floor lost in my thoughts until the bell for lunch rang. I blinked out of my numb stupor and stood up. All my joints cracked and I picked up my bag. It felt strangely heavy, like it was dragging me down. Or maybe it just felt like that because I'm fighting with my only friends. I walked out of the music room and headed to the cafeteria. I decided that I would find Mikey and apologise. Students shoved past me and knocked me around, much like I'd done this morning. With each step my mouth dried up a bit more and my stomach churned faster. My palms were sweaty and I was trembling slightly. It was scary, apologising to someone. It was something I'd never really done. Not for something this big. The cafeteria doors loomed ominously in front of me. Just before them I stopped. I wrung my hands and was shocked by the pain it brought on. I looked down and saw that they were still covered in my blood. It was dry and brown now, but it was still there. I swallowed hard and looked away from my hands, I'd been through a lot worse than that. I had just put my hand on the door when they swung out and smacked into me. I stumbled back, tripping over my own feet and falling flat on my butt as pain radiated through my hands, head and butt.
"Oh! I'm so so--"
It was Mikey.

I stiffened up immediately and looked up. I watched as several conflicting emotions flashed across his face. For the first time in nine years I wanted to speak. I wanted to reach out, hug Mikey and tell him I was sorry. I opened my mouth and licked my lips. The word was in my head, I knew how to sound it out and pronounce it. I felt the air viciously rub against my vocal chords and my mouth moved to shape the word. A 'sss' sound was forming in my mouth when Mikey muttered something to himself and then walked away. The word died on my lips and I watched him leave with a sinking heart.

I picked myself up off the floor and stood, watching as Mikey turned around the corner. He never looked back. Tears slowly slid down my face as pain ravaged my body. I turned frustrated and slammed my fist into a wall. Pain tingled through my whole arm. It felt good. I slammed the same fist into the wall again. I slammed it into the wall until I couldn't feel my hand anymore. I just turned to the other hand and slammed it into the wall.
"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" I heard Gerard ask.
Please...make him stay...let him not leave when I tell him...please I begged silently.
I turned to Gerard and I saw that he was frowning at my hands. Blood was sliding down them again from where the skin had split over my knuckles.
Hi Gerard, I'm just punching a wall. What are you doing?
Gerard looked at me and sighed.
"You're not going to tell me why are you?" he asked.
I was too afraid to so I shook my head. He'd find out tonight anyway.
"Well, we'd better get these hands cleaned up now," he said, leading me away.

"Jesus, what were you doing?!" he exclaimed, studying the cuts on my fingers from the guitar.
I was angry. I was playing guitar. Along to Metallica. For about 2 hours.
"Shit, why were you doing that? Why were you guitar-raging?" Gerard asked concerned.
I looked at him weirdly, not that he could see it.
What the hell is 'guitar-raging'?
"Where you play a guitar ferociously because you're angry," Gerard explained.
Oh. I'd rather not share why I was angry, if that's okay?
"I can't force you to tell me," he sighed.
I could see he was disappointed. I placed the pen on the note pad when Mikey barged in.
"Gee! Can I talk...oh..." his sentence died when he saw me.
Gerard looked between us confused.
"Did I miss something?" Gerard asked confused.
"You could say that," Mikey said coldly.
I flinched as if I'd been hit.
Talk to you later.Maybe.
"Where are you going?" Gerard asked.
You and Mikey need to talk. Thanks for cleaning up my hands.
I hopped off the table and walked past Mikey, my head low and shoulders bowed.

Just as I passed Mikey a foot stuck in front of me and I tripped over and fell forwards.
"DUDE! What the fuck was that for?!" Frank yelled angrily.
I forced the tears back as I turned to look at Ray. He was glaring angrily at me. He hated me obviously. Frank offered me a hand and looked at me sympathetically.
"Fuck off, you don't know anything," Ray snarled.
Frank turned and glared at Ray and shoved him.
"Look! It doesn't matter whatever happened between you guys, at the very least be fucking civil, she's still my friend!" Frank yelled.
"But are you hers?" Ray sneered.
Frank looked at him confused.
"What are you talking about?" Frank asked.
"She was only fucking pretending for the sake of a presentation she had to do with Mikey!" Ray spat.
Frank looked to me, hurt covering his entire face. He stepped away from me and frowned.
"Go away," he muttered.
Frankie, please don't...please don't be angry me... I silently begged as I lay there on the ground, frozen.
"I SAID, go the fuck away!" Frank shouted.
It was then that I could see the tears in his eyes and one fell out. It broke my heart to see that and I quickly scrambled up and ran away, my bag swinging around behind me.