Forever They Will Be Secrets To Me

I wish you would see me as more than just a pawn in your sickening little games. I still feel your hands on my skin at night when I try to get to sleep. I still hear the venomous words you spit at me when I am alone with nothing save the haunting silence. I still remember what you looked like when I close my eyes. I am writing this simply because I will show it to those who know and maybe it will give me some sort of relief from your memory.

I wish you would have never touched me. I wish you would have just walked out and never told me to turn over. I wish you would have never taken my pants off and I wish you would have never hurt me. I wish you would have never made me cry and I wish you would have never hurt my brother. I wish you would have just left us both alone.

I remember the time you wanted him to do it to me. I remember how badly you beat him when he wouldn't hurt me. I remember how badly you beat me because i wouldn't watch you hurt him. I remember how badly you smelt of alcohol the first time you pulled my hair and made me scream your name. I remember you were the first thought I had when I cut myself the first time. I remember you were the one who took everything away from me.I remember how happy and outgoing I used to be.

I told "her" and "him" about my plan to commit suicide. I didn't tell them why, but I bet they can guess if they read this. I want to die to release myself from the pain, agony and hurt you've made me feel. I want to die because you FUCKED ME. I want to die because you TOUCHED ME. I want to die because you KISSED ME. I want to die because of you.