The Movies Make It Look Easy

Chapter 71

Nick’s P.O.V:

I held my phone away from my ear for a moment, checking the screen to make sure I had the right number. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that please?”
Mark chuckled; “don’t be such an idiot. You heard me.”
I scowled at the blank TV screen in front of me. “I think I preferred it when all you cared about was getting drunk and how many girls you could sleep with in a week.”
Now he laughed outright. “I know. Maturity sucks, doesn’t it?” he said cheerfully. Fucking hell.
“So what am I supposed to do, exactly?” I asked, rubbing my eyes tiredly. I could almost hear his shrug on the other end of the line. “That’s up to you. All I know is that you have to do something. Look; this isn’t just about Shannon being all depressed anymore. She’s unconsciously dragging you down with her.” He paused and I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. “As much as I love the girl, you’re my best friend. I can’t let you keep going down this road. None of us want to lose you; either of you.” He finished seriously.
“You know, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me” I said sarcastically, but my heart wasn’t really in it.
“You can joke” he muttered.

We sat in silence for a moment or two. Finally, I heard him sigh angrily; “I have to go, we have unwanted company.” He disconnected, but not before I heard a male voice in the background. Lee, then.
Mark really hated him (not that I could blame him), and ever since Shannon and I got back from the funeral, vegetating on our couch for hours on end wasn’t really an option anymore. So he was stuck at home with Lee. I was surprised he hadn’t already cracked – no, exploded – under the pressure.
He’d also told me that apparently Jay and Nikki were having problems. It wasn’t looking good. I felt like the world’s worst friend. I’d been so wrapped up in my own misery that I hadn’t been paying attention to anyone else.
Mark was right, I decided. I needed to do something. The question was; what could I do? All I knew was that sitting around moping would accomplish absolutely nothing. Carpe diem, and all that.

I stood up and stretched my arms high above my head before marching over to Shannon’s room. Yes, I marched.
I knocked on the door. Silence.
I knocked again. I heard a muffled sound that I took to be permission to enter. Even so, I was cautious as I inched the door open. I wasn’t sure how I’d be received. Shannon hadn’t spoken so much as a word to me since our conversation that night at the bar. That had been a week ago.
When nothing was launched at my head and she didn’t scream at me to get out, I swung the door wide.
“Going somewhere?” I thought out loud. It was pretty much a rhetorical question – she didn’t wear five inch heels to bed.
She barely spared a glance my way. “Out.”
Judging by the tone of her voice, she was none too happy with me. Taking a deep breath, I remembered my conversation with Mark. I just needed to persevere; no more standing on the side-lines.
“Again?” I ventured. “You always go out these days. Wouldn’t you prefer to stay in tonight?”
“No.” Her tone brooked no argument. Too bad I’d decided to throw caution to the wind. No more being nice until we resolved some of our issues. “Look, we need to talk.”

She froze for a second in the act of rooting through a bag that seemed far too small, in my opinion, to be in any way practical, before continuing on with whatever she’d been doing.
Her back was partially to me so I couldn’t see what emotions had crossed her face. “Not now, Nick. As you can see, I’m kind of busy.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. My patience was wearing thin. “You know what? You’re not leaving until we’ve talked.”
I lied; I had no intention of letting her leave at all, but I figured that would go down even worse than what I’d just said. It seemed I knew her far too well.
She turned towards me slowly, her face contorted with anger. “What did you just say?”
“I said” I enunciated slowly and clearly; “that you’re not going anywhere until we’ve talked.”
“You can’t tell me what to do” she spluttered.
“Just did, Sweetheart.” I sent a genial smile in her direction before turning and leaving the room.

I couldn’t help but think that I was a master manipulator, as she stormed after me as expected. Well, she attempted to. Heels weren’t exactly conducive to ‘storming’. In fact, they weren’t conducive to anything except making a girl’s legs look great. I glanced back at Shannon’s legs as I came to stop beside the couch. Yes, I had just proved my own point.
“What the hell are you smirking about?” she yelled.
I stopped and shrugged innocently, one brow arched. “Just thinking how hot your legs look in that dress. If you can call it a dress, that is – it’s quite short.”
She narrowed her eyes and I couldn’t help but miss the days when she used to blush when I so much as complimented her. This Shannon was far too hardened.
“Don’t be a dick.”
I shrugged again; “it’s one of the many reasons you love me, Sweetheart. Now, are you ready to talk?”
“There’s nothing to talk about” she bit out, sounding more than a little frustrated.
I smiled slowly, leaning against the back of the couch, my arms once more crossed over my chest. I had to at least look like I meant everything I was saying. “I beg to differ. Now, you’re not going anywhere until we’ve talked.”
She glared at me; “you’re not my mother, Nick.”
“Well done” I said dryly, “Your observational skills truly astound me.”
She didn’t even bother answering, just went back to her room and slammed the door behind her; hard.

I flopped down onto the couch and sat back to wait. It wasn’t long before there was a knock on the front door. I grinned. I was going to enjoy this.
I pulled open the door, not trying very hard to keep the smug look off my face.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t who I’d been expecting. I’d thought it would be the same guy she’d been at the bar with – the one who turned bright red if you so much as made eye contact. I didn’t know this guy, though he looked vaguely familiar. The sight of him inexplicably incited the need to punch something (preferably his face) within me. I strongly disliked him. I only wished I knew why.
I turned my head at the sound of Shannon’s voice issuing from her room. “Toby? I’ll be right there.”
Ah, so this was Toby. I remembered Shannon telling me about him. I turned my glare on the kid. He smiled tremulously. “Hi, you must be Nick. I’m Toby; I work with Shannon.”
I didn’t say a word, just stared him down until he was fidgeting almost uncontrollably. I’d long since found out that silence was a very useful intimidation tactic. The poor kid was clearing his throat, obviously trying think of something to say as his eyes flicked about wildly, resting on anything but me. I decided to put him out of his misery.
I cleared my throat, commanding his complete attention. “Shannon won’t be joining you tonight.”
“But…” he gestured lamely towards Shannon’s room.
I heard movement behind me as she emerged from her room. “Nick, don’t you dare!” She warned.
I completely ignored her, raising my voice to make sure Toby heard me. “She’s not feeling well at all, so you’ll have to go alone. Sorry for the inconvenience.” I sent him my most insincere smile before slamming the door in his face, cutting off any and all responses he may have come up with.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Shannon screamed.
I turned around and eyed her calmly. “Many things. Haven’t we discussed this already? Yes, I distinctly remember having this conversation before.”
She just glared at me as she tried to step around me to the door. I moved with her, blocking the way. “Nick, get out of the way.”
“No.” I said placidly.
“You can’t just stop me from going out. I’m not a child!”
I regarded her steadily, refusing to reply and continuing to block the door.
This time, she did manage to storm off. It was quite an impressive sight. “I hate you!” Her parting shot would have hurt a lot more if I hadn’t already braced myself for it. Slam went the door.
I was surprised it was still standing, actually; considering all the abuse it suffered through. But then I could hardly talk, my door hadn’t fared much better these last few months.

I let my head fall back against the door, my hands dropping limply to my sides. It was easy to be confrontational; now came the hard part. I pushed off the door with a sigh and silently walked over to Shannon’s room. This time I didn’t bother knocking.
She was sitting on the edge of her bed, her heels lying haphazardly on the floor next to her. I took a moment to just stand there quietly and look at her. This would either go very well, or it would be disastrous. She clutched something in her left hand, but I couldn’t see what it was.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the room and shut the door behind me. She didn’t speak, didn’t even look at me, so I just decided to go for it.
I knelt in front of her. “Sweetheart?” She didn’t answer me, just continued to stare at her clenched fist. “Please don’t ignore me. We really need to talk. It’s important.”
“You shouldn’t have done that” she told me. She sounded like she was trying not to cry.
“I know. I’m sorry, but I knew you’d go out again if I didn’t do something.”
“It’s not up to you to decide” she burst out.
I sighed. “Going out and getting drunk won’t solve your problems, Sweetheart.” She didn’t say a word.
“In fact” I continued, “I think you’re making things harder for yourself.”
She bent her head further, as if she was trying to hide her face. “All you’re ending up doing is pushing the people who love you away. Is that what you want?”

I was trying my hardest to keep my voice calm and even. The last thing I needed was her thinking that I was trying to start a fight.
She whispered so low, I barely heard her; “I can’t lose you too.”
I sighed again, a loud exhalation that sounded too loud, too harsh in the near quiet of the room. “You’re not going to lose me, but you’re alienating your friends, and I know you’ve been refusing to talk to your family. Your mum called, you know. She’s worried about you. We all are.”
“You don’t understand.” Her voice was choked and when she raised her head, I could see the tears beginning to make tracks down her face. “You don’t get what it’s like.”
I nodded slowly. “I don’t have any siblings, so no; I don’t understand what it’s like to lose a brother. But I do know about loss. My mother may not be dead, but she’s no longer a part of my life.”
Shannon’s lip trembled in a way that I might have called adorable if I thought she was just messing around. Unfortunately, neither of us was. “I’m sorry. I completely forgot about your mother.”
I smiled grimly, “that’s okay. The point I’m trying to make though, is that I understand what it’s like to grieve. The way you can be fine at one moment, and the next, well; it hits you all over again. The way sometimes it hurts so much that the darkness swallows you and you feel as if you’ll never be whole again.” I stopped abruptly, needing a moment to collect my thoughts. Shannon was crying in earnest now.

“It doesn’t have to be like that though. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
“Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to put anyone else through it. Like, it’s my mess so I have to deal with it myself” she said brokenly.
I raised one eyebrow. “What else are friends for?”
“Do the others hate me?” She asked, and I wondered how much of her sadness was for Ryan, and how much stemmed from guilt.
I shook my head vehemently; “no. they could never hate you. They’re just worried.” I quickly made a mental decision that now wasn’t the time to burden her with the news that Jay and Nikki’s relationship was going downhill very, very fast. It would only upset her even more and her guilt levels would ratchet up a few more notches.
Shannon leaned forward and rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry for being a complete bitch to you.”
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. “I forgive you…but I may have to sit on you as punishment.”
I felt more than heard the sound of her watery laughter and it brought a smile to my lips. It had been too long.
I pulled back and looked at her seriously for a moment. “That’s not all I wanted to talk to you about, Sweetheart.”
She bit her lip and for a second I was sure I saw a flash of fear in her eyes, but it was gone before I could be sure. “You want to talk about us” she said dully.
I just stared at her; was I really that easy to read? Instead of answering, I got up and sat beside her on the bed. The floor was the comfiest of places to rest.

We sat in silence for a moment, each of us lost in thought. Eventually, Shannon reached over and dropped what had been clasped so tightly in her palm, into my hand. It was the bracelet I’d made her.
“I stopped wearing it after, you know, and part of me wanted to throw it out – I was so angry with you…but the rest of me just couldn’t. Just like I couldn’t hate you, no matter how hard I tried.”
“You don’t know how happy it makes me that you don’t hate me” I told her quietly as I leaned over to clip the bracelet around her wrist. I could see that the charms had left tiny indents in her flesh. “I’d understand if you did, of course. I don’t deserve to even be your friend.”
She didn’t answer, just sat utterly still as I fumbled with the clasp.
“But that’s not what I want” I continued. “To be your friend, I mean. I once told you that we can never just be friends. I still believe that.” I glanced up and saw that she was staring intently at the door.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore” I said softly, gesturing between us. She looked at me sharply, and now I was sure I could see fear swimming in her green eyes.
“I can’t be here for you, live with you, and see you every day…I can’t share the same friends with you and watch you treat them the same way you treat me.” I paused to take a breath, my eyes constantly searching hers for some hint as to what she was thinking.
“I can’t be around you, knowing that you’re not mine.”
Her mouth opened slightly but I didn’t give her a chance to say anything. I needed to get everything off my chest; here and now, without any interruptions. “You know that, occasionally, I get slightly jealous.” I grimaced when I saw her eyebrows shoot up. Yeah, we both knew I was a jealous fuck. Whatever.
“I hate how much it gets to me when I see you with other guys. Part of me is always afraid you’ll like them more than me, I guess.” Just call me insecure, I thought, and promptly told myself to shut up. “So I get drunk, and it’s the only time I actually have enough courage to tell you how I feel, but I know you automatically ignore anything I say when I’m drunk, and I don’t blame you for that…” I trailed off, needing a moment to organise my thoughts into coherent sentences. I didn’t want to mess this up.

“You know I love you, but I can’t live like this anymore; neither here nor there. It’s all or nothing. So we need to decide, no; you need to decide, right now, what you want. Because you know how I feel.” I wasn’t sure she’d even be able to understand what I’d said. I’d let it all out in one big garbled rush.
I couldn’t remember ever being this nervous before; my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and I was suddenly extremely thirsty.
Shannon looked away, her gaze going back to the door and I had to stop myself from immediately taking that as a bad sign. Her expression was thoughtful.
“I wonder” she ventured, “how we would have reacted all those months ago, if someone had told us we’d be having this conversation.”
“We’d have laughed in their face and told them to stay off the drugs” I said.
She smiled and I once again had to stop myself from reading too much into it. Maybe she was just getting ready to let me down easy? Maybe that’s why she was taking so long to answer? God, I needed a drink; preferably an alcoholic one.
“I agree” she finally said. “We probably would have thought they were crazy, and yet, here we are.” She abruptly turned to me, cupping my face gently in her hands, her gaze boring into mine. I sat completely still.
“And if I had told somebody that one day, Nick King would be giving me an ultimatum and telling me he loved me…well, they would have told me to stop dreaming.” She smiled wryly, her fingers stroking my jawline. “But again, here we are.”
I fought the urge to close my eyes and sigh from the sheer pleasure her touch brought me. She leaned forward and pressed her lips briefly to mine, before pulling back again.

My fingers itched to reach out and pull her closer, but I stopped myself. Just like I’d needed to get everything off my chest, so now she needed this time to say what was on her mind. I’d listen, even if I didn’t like what I was going to hear.
“I know you’ve made mistakes, and I know you regret them, but I’ve made mistakes too. I’ve pushed you away for so long, and I’ve taken every chance, made any excuse, to keep you at arm’s length. Natalie, Ryan…” Her voice broke on his name and she fell silent for a moment.
I gave in and let my eyes fall shut, and concentrated on the feel of her skin against mine, the sound of her breathing, as I waited for her to speak.
“You said you’ve never been in love before. Well I have; but what I felt before pales in comparison to how I feel for you. You mean more to me than I thought possible.”
I felt as though my heart was about to fall out of my chest, it was racing so fast. I refused to get my hopes up. I was flying so high that I knew I wouldn’t survive the fall. I needed to hear the words.

“So firstly, I wanted to apologise for the way I’ve treated you; for making you trail along after me while I tried to decide what to do with my feelings for you. You didn’t deserve that.”
I opened my eyes and pulled away from her, severing all contact. I wanted to object, but she brushed the tip of one finger over my lips in a silent plea to keep quiet. I nodded once in acknowledgement.
“And as for the decision you think I need to make; there isn’t one. I don’t think there ever was. I’ll always choose you.”
I think I may have stopped breathing for a moment or two. “Does that mean what I think it means?” I asked; my voice barely audible.
She nodded, smiling. “I love you, Nick. I have for a long time.”
Now I was sure I stopped breathing. My thoughts were racing and I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry. I reached out and cupped her face, reversing our roles as I searched her expression for any hint of a lie. I didn’t find one. “Say it again” I breathed.
She laughed. “I love you. Believe me now?”
I nodded, knowing I probably just looked dazed. I frowned as a thought crossed my mind. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one-"
She rolled her eyes, cutting me off midsentence. “Let’s just agree to disagree, okay? The past is in the past.”
I nodded, a smile growing on my face. I leaned forward until there was only a hairsbreadth between us. “I’m only going to say this once, for the record” I murmured. “You are my girlfriend, so no confusion from now on, ‘kay?”

She started to laugh again but I cut her off with a kiss. It was a searing, breath-stealing, and yet utterly sweet, kiss that marked the start of something special. It was a moment I knew I’d never forget.
I don’t know how long we stayed there for; it was a moment out of time, and the best part was, that when we finally broke apart, I realised that it wasn’t all just a dream.
I reached out to sift my fingers through her hair, unable to take my eyes off her face. “I think we need some ground rules.”
“Oh?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.
I nodded. “First of all, in the morning, I’m moving all my stuff in here, and then I’m going to lock my bedroom door so you won’t be tempted to throw me out of here again.”
She covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to stifle her laughter. “Second of all, clothing is optional at all times in the apartment – except when Mark’s around. He’s perverted.”
Her laughter couldn’t be contained this time and I could almost see her imagining Mark’s pout if he could have heard what I just said. “And lastly, is it too much to ask that you wear a sign at all times proclaiming that you’re my girlfriend?”
She rolled her eyes again. “Sure, let me just get you some paper” she said sarcastically.
“That wasn’t a no” I mused aloud.
“Shut up and kiss me” she smiled. She didn’t have to ask twice.

Only minutes later, she pulled away and stood up. “I’m going to get changed.”
She walked towards the bathroom as she piled her hair up in a messy bun. I couldn’t remember ever being this happy.
While she was gone, I went and got my phone, sending a quick text to Mark saying that I’d talked to Shannon and that I’d text him in the morning with the details. I knew he’d hate having to wait that long. Cue evil laughter.
I stripped down to my boxers and got into the cool sheets of Shannon’s bed. Who knew sleeping in a certain room could make me so happy.
When Shannon finally got into bed, she immediately slid into my arms. My sigh of happiness cut through the darkness. “Love you, Sweetheart” I whispered.
She laughed quietly; “I love you too.”