You Turn Away From All the Things That I've Been Trying to Say

This has been a really shitty day. I need a drink. I just don't understand the people I work for and with and I almost quit this afternoon. I text my sister to see if she wants to go out for a drink with me and she says that she already made plans, so I'm on my own. I pull into a small bar and get out and strut into the bar on my four inch stilettos. The bar is mostly empty and that's fine by me. I order a vodka and ruby red once I've sat down on a bar stool. The guy sitting next to me looks over at me. I recognize him immediately.

"Hey Austin Winkler." I say. He searches my face for a second before recognition sinks in.

"Hey...hold on, I remember your name...Melonie?"

"Madison."

"Right right. How are you?"

"I'm OK. Had a shitty day, but it's getting better." He nods.

"Cool. I just got into town a few days ago."

"Oh yeah? Were you guys on tour?"

"Yeah, we were out for like, four months, so it's nice to be home."

"I bet. Where is home?"

"Just outside LA. It used to be Oklahoma City." I raise my eyebrows.

"You are far from home, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Where are you from? I can tell your not like the other LA girls."

"Michigan. My sister and I moved here as soon as we could get out of there."

"Well, just between you and me, LA isn't all it's cracked up to be. I just moved here to be with a girl." He says.

"Ahh, that's right. How is your fiancee?" I ask, with a slight edge in my voice that makes him smile.

"I wouldn't know. I haven't seen her in five months. We broke up right before the tour."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's OK. I'm over it. What about you? Do you have a someone?" I smile.

"No. Just me." He sits there and gives me an appraising look in my tight black mini skirt and white button up shirt.

"So, are you still in uh, wardrobe management?" He asks. I hold my hand up and shake it around a little in a so-so gesture.

"I haven't had a management job since your video. Those jobs go to all the sluts I work with who spread their legs for jobs." He lets out a bark of laughter.

"You don't do that, huh?"

"Hell no."

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Yeah, why not. But only one, I have to drive home."

We sit and drink our drinks and talk for a long time. I didn't think that I would ever have this much to talk about with a guy who've I've only met once and I only talked to him then for a few minutes. He's a nice guy and he listens and he's sweet, in a drunken messy kind of way. He hits on me shamelessly, but he's drunk, so I don't pay him much attention. I start to stand up to leave and he puts his hand on my leg. I look down at his hand first and then at his face.

"Austin."

"What, baby?"

"You've been hitting on me all night."

"You're a fucking hot girl. I'd be a fool not to." I look around behind me.

"You must be drunk." I say.

"Why?"

"You called me hot. I have never been the hot girl. I've always been the cute, short girl next to all my gorgeous friends and my hot sister."

"Well, maybe it's time someone sees you for who you are." He stands up and I look up at him. He's probably a foot taller than me.

"I'm not sleeping with you." I say.

"Go out with me then."

"On a date?"

"No, on a picnic. Yes, on a fucking date." I laugh.

"When?"

"Whenever you want. I'm here for the next month or so, getting ready for the next tour cycle."

"I don't even have your number."

"Well, ask me for it then." He says, smiling. I roll my eyes, which makes him laugh and he pulls his phone out of his pocket and hands it to me. I punch my number into it and save it into his contact list.

"Call me." I say and walk out of the bar.

Once I'm in the car, I start mentally screaming at myself.

What the hell is wrong with you, Madison? You see some hot rock star and you honestly believe he's interested in you for anything more than a piece of ass?

Maybe he is. I mean, he seems like a nice guy. What could be the harm of one date? It's not like I'm going to fall in love with him if I go on one date.

Don't you remember what happened the last time you met a nice guy?

Oh God, you have to bring that up, don't you?

I snap myself out of this mental conversation, shaking my head at my own stupidity.

"Jesus. I'm fucking talking to myself." I whisper. I pull into my driveway and walk in. Morgan isn't back from whatever it was that she was doing, so I drop all my clothes in my bedroom and get in the shower and blast myself with hot water until my skin is red and shriveled. I get out and wrap a towel around my body, thinking about Austin. What could be the harm of one date? I haven't been on a date in a long time and I've sheltered myself from men for too long. I forgot how much I really like guys. I've never had a lot of girlfriends and I've always gotten along with men more. Their simple and they don't start a lot of petty drama just for the sake of causing drama. I put on pajamas and put on my Halestorm cd and lay on my bed with my laptop, doing some work that I didn't get a chance to do at work today.

I must have fallen asleep, because I can hear my phone ringing and my laptop is open next to me on my bed. I see the sunshine filtering in through the shades. I grab for my blackberry with it's neon pink rubber cover and look at the caller ID. It's an unknown number. I answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, is this Madison?" A familiar voice asks.

"Yes. I didn't think you were going to call, Austin."

"Well, I told you I would, didn't I?" He says.

"Yeah. But you were pretty drunk. How are feeling this morning?"

"Pretty good. I'm accomplished at hangovers, baby." He keeps calling me that. I actually like it.

"So about that date." He says.

"What date?" He laughs.

"Were you drunk last night too, baby?"

"No, not really." Not from alcohol anyways.

"OK, so where do you want to go?"

"I don't care, honestly. I've been wanting to try that new Italian place for a while though."

"The one on Fountain?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds good to me. Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Well, we can meet at your place or something. I mean, you don't live that far away."

"OK, Get a piece of paper and I'll give you directions." I get off the bed and grab a pen and paper and write down the directions on how to get to his place.

"When are we doing this, by the way?"

"Uh, how's Friday for you?" He asks.

"Friday's great."

"OK, Friday it is. See you then, love."

"See you then." I say and hang up, shaking my head.

The voice in my head is telling my this is a bad idea, but I can't help but want to have fun on this date and I'm really into Austin.