Of Moons, Birds, and Monsters

I couldn't believe I let my hormones get the best of me. 

Luke couldn't either. We both laid there on our backs staring at the ceiling, trying to process what happened. Luke eventually drifted off to sleep, but I couldn't get my mind to stop racing.

It was that easy? I just caved in without a second thought-just gave it up. Usually girls love saying no and make the boys beg for action. Does this make me easy? Mason, Travis, and TJ wouldn't let it go if they found out. Mr. Moreno already thought I was having sex with Luke, and now he wasn't wrong.  Mrs. Moreno would be devastated and my reputation as the quiet sweetheart would be flushed down the drain. I'd be just as bad as Allison Ross or the girl Scotty brought with him. 

I looked over at Luke who had his eyes open again, blankly staring at the ceiling. "I didn't think I was gonna get a better present than the guitar, but I was way off," he said. 

I rolled my eyes and brushed the hair out of my face. He wasn't making me feel any better about the situation. "I thought you were asleep," I mumbled with slight irritation.

"Sleep at a time like this?" he chuckled, rolling onto his stomach. "I can't even try." He leaned his head on my shoulder and kissed my neck. 

I combed his frizzy curls away from my face and sighed. My body was begging for sleep, but I couldn't possibly relax enough to allow it. I guess Luke was having the same problem.

"Monday I'm going to get a doctor's appointment," I said, carefully running my fingers through his hair. "I need to be birth control if we're gonna keep doing this."

"I'm okay with that," he agreed. He rolled back on top of me and put his elbows on either side of my head. 

I looked away from his soft smile as he stroked my forehead with his thumb.

"What's wrong?" he asked, lightly kissing my forehead.

"Nothing," I fibbed, forcing a small smile.

"Something," he argued, raising his eyebrows at me.

I gently slid my fingertips down his arms and back up again. I couldn't think of a way to explain the way I felt without offending him.

"I just feel bad," I mumbled.

"What?" The corners of his mouth fell into a flat line. "You were screaming my name a few minutes ago-what happened to that?"

My face reddened. I couldn't remember half the things I said.

Luke took my embarrassed blush and silence as something else.

"Oh, God!" he shouted, his face struck with horror. "Was I bad?"

"No, Luke, it was fine," I answered quickly. "It's just-"

"Just fine?" he repeated in a voice higher than his norm. "What's that supposed to mean? Were you faking? Jack says Izzy fakes all the time. Am I as bad as Jack?"

I clapped my hands onto his cheeks and forced his face back in front of mine. "Shut up so I can tell you what's wrong," I instructed in a low voice.

"I wasn't bad?" he repeated. 

"No, Luke, it was great. I just..." I looked away from him again. "Do you think less of me?"

"Why would I think less of you?" he asked with a hint of irritation in his voice.

"I really wasn't planning on this," I answered, looking back into his eyes. "I wasn't at all."

"Okay?" he chuckled, leaning his forehead against mine. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"Because I feel like that makes me easy," I explained with a grimace. "Like it should've taken more than that. It's pretty much every high school girl's motto-'It's all about the teasing, not about the pleasing.'"

"Yeah, but I'm your boyfriend, we're supposed to have this relationship. It doesn't make you easy," he said, brushing my hair back. "The only way you'd be easy is if Mason or Scotty or anybody else touches your thigh and you sleep with them. You'd have to be like Angela to be easy, and you're not."

I nodded and kept my head turned away from him.

"You don't believe me," he said with furrowed brows. "Would you take it back?"

"No, I just wish I thought about it a little longer," I shrugged.

"Don't you trust me?" he asked with a frown.  

"Yes!" I answered loudly. "I don't think you understand how much I trust you, Luke."

"I think I do," he countered. 

"You don't," I argued. "I don't just trust you with just little things, I trust you with everything, even my body."

"Well now you're saying you should've thought twice, so you don't really trust me with your body," he scolded.

I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head. "You're not understanding what I'm trying to say."

"How am I supposed to? You don't even understand what you're trying to say!" he snapped. "If you trust me so much, why do you feel bad? I know how much you trust me-I see how you are with everybody else and I know that its different between me and you. You think I would abuse that for sex?"

"No, I don't," I said sharply. "I'm just saying that something this important should have been thought through more then what it was."

"Was it bad?" he asked darkly.

"No."

"Do you regret it?"

"No."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then what is the problem?" 

I opened my mouth to retaliate, but my thought process was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Luke scoffed and put his shorts on. While he grumbled towards the door, I grabbed my bag and snuck into the bathroom.

I knew I couldn't explain it to him without him taking it offensively. The soreness in my hips and stomach only added to the battle of fighting back tears. He definitely didn't make me feel any better about what happened.

I pulled my hair into a ponytail and sat back down on the bed, pretending to watch the remaining scenes of Step Brothers.

"What're you guys doing?" the voice asked from the other side of the door.

"Watching a movie," Luke answered. "Why are you guys up here?"

"Jack sent us up here to see if you were coming back," Kevin answered. "He's having a fit that Izzy keeps bitching about being cold. He wants her out ASAP."

"I'm kind of tired of hearing her bitch, too," Danny joined. "So when're you coming back down?"

Luke turned around and looked at me with an expecting glance.

 "DUDE!" Danny gasped, pushing Luke into the room. "What the hell happened to your back?"

Luke instinctively touched his back with curiosity. His face instantly fell. "Nothing."

"Looks like Riley shredded your back apart," Kevin observed.

Again, my face reddened and I returned my attention to the TV screen.

"You know what," Luke growled. He Grabbed his shirt from the floor and quickly pulled it over his chest. "There. Now there's nothing."

Kevin and Danny grinned at each other and shut the door behind them. 

"You're already halfway dressed, Squid. Just slap on some shoes and come on down with us," Danny instructed, nodding towards the door.

Luke sat at the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute," he said in a low voice.

"We'll be out here," Kevin nodded.

The two goons left, leaving Luke and I in an awkward and angry fog.

"Please don't go," I whispered, twisting my hands in my lap. 

"Why not?" he sighed, keeping his back turned to me. 

"Because I don't want to be left here alone feeling like I did something wrong." I gave his back a pleading look, and started to chew my bottom lip. "And I don't want you mad at me for just telling you what you wanted to know."

"I'm not mad at you," he mumbled, slowly turning around.

"Then stay."

Luke looked down at his hands and then at the door. I felt the tears dissolve as Luke stuck his head out of the door and told Kevin and Danny they'd just have to deal with Izzy until she crashed.

I crawled back underneath the blankets while Luke took of his shirt. "Thanks," I said quietly.

He joined me and pulled me close into his chest. "No problem."