Inside...

Dear...,
I hate saying your name. I hate even the fact that I am writing this, to get things off my chest. It's been two years and I am not over it, and I hate it. I hate that I think of you and come crawling back in somehow when I have no contact with you what so ever. I hate that you made me hate you. I hate it when you also make me love you.

I hate that you still love me, I hate how you made me blame you, I hate how you made me think you hated me. I hate that you remember every single detail. I hate that you remember our past and trying to make up for it. I hate that you're not with someone else yet. I hate that I tried to move forward, but you somehow hold me back and it's my fault. I hate that I can't forgive myself cause of you. I hate when you send messages to me, that are so sweet it makes me want to cry. I hate how you make me want to go be with you. I hate that you to still somehow respect me. I hate that your family doesn't hate me either. I hate it that I love someone else when you obviously know I love you too. Though, I will never admit it, I hate it that I am in denial.

I hate thinking of you, I hate picturing myself with you still. I hate that I feel the need to go over to you and apologize. I hate that I feel like I should pay back my dues to your mother. I hate that your family knows I still love you. I hate that I think I made the wrong choice for not being with you again. I hate how you still remember my birthday. I hate that you're still there for me. I hate it when I called you when I was in dire need and you gladly helped when I still didn't want to be in contact. I hate how you say I am special to you still through out these two years. I hate how you're trying your best to impress me by going to college and getting job to support me in case if I ever go back with you. I hate how you know. I hate how you know me so well. I hate how you know everything about me. I hate how you know my little quirks I do , I hate the way you think of me, I hate the way you look at me. I hate it when I know it's just not going to work, but I really hate that I feel like there is still hope left for us.

I hate that you are so determined to get back together. I hate that you really improved yourself. I hate that you admitted that you still loved me through this whole time. I hate that I called you. I hate that I made a stupid mistake and I no one to turn to but you. I hate that you protect me, I hate how you'll do anything for me. I hate it.

I hate you,

Always,
Mosh