My Desperate Endeavor To Find My Whoever.

"I..ah...oh, fuck. I don't know." Alex said. "I need some time to think." And with that he hung up the phone. He fell limply into the pillow on my lap and groaned loudly.

"Are you alright?" I asked him, rubbing his back gently.

"Ehh..."He stayed face down."I feel like crap."

"What reason do you have for that?" I asked him softly. "You did nothing wrong."

He just groaned again.

"You can talk to me." I told him. "You're not going to feel better until you do."

"I know, I can talk to you, that's about as easy as breathing...it's just...complicated."

I continued rubbing his back."I think I can keep up."

He sighed and picked his head up to look at me. "Just...the way she talks to me sometimes makes me feel like biggest douche in the world. She brought up how I cheated on her that time. And it kind of kills my ego to know that that's how she sees me now. It's like she doesn't even want to try and understand."

I sighed. What can I tell him? I mean...gah, he shouldn't be with her. But who am I to talk? If she's what he wants, who am I to try and tell him any different?

"That's pretty fucked, for her to go and bring that up. You admitted your mistake, and she needs to let it go. But you really shouldn't feel like crap for her. If she wants to be a bitch, let her. I'm sure she just needs to calm down...then she'll probably think about what you said and realize that, well she was getting worked up for nothing." I said.

"Maybe...Sometimes I wonder how she can make me feel so...so fucking worthless." He told me quietly.

"You can't let her do that to you. Words are words, nothing more. She'll get over it."

"Gah...I'm so fucking confused."

"Why?"

"Because...i don't even know what the hell happened to us. It's like, we used to be perfect when we were together in high school. We hardly ever argued and, things were so...easy between us. Like we were best friends before lovers, even while we were going out. Something like our friendship, you know? No pressure...no nothing."

I tried my best to ignore the way stomach felt when he said that they used to have something like our friendship. He just sat there staring at the pillow. I could tell that nothing I could say was going to change what he was feeling inside.

So I settled for plan B.

I gently pushed him off my lap and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked me, catching my arm.

"To get dressed."

"Oh...why?" He asked me, looking at me with those big chestnut eyes, a glint of hurt in them.

"Because, we're going somewhere." I stated simply.

"And we're going somewhere because..?" He said, arching one eyebrow.

"Because, you need some cheering up." I responded, getting a pair of skinny jeans, a light blue flannel shirt, and my black beanie.

***

Six hours, one movie and a lunchtime later.

"You were right, their poprock ice cream is the best." Alex told me smiling, as we sat in the park near the edge of town. Right now it was about eight and starting to get dark. The only light was emitting from the four lamposts placed in a square around where we were sitting.

"See?" I took one last lick and laughed as it began to pop in my mouth, chewing the rest of the cone.

"Why are you laughing?" He asked smiling at me from across the table.

"Because it tickles my mouth!" I told him after I swallowed, some poprocks still dancing in my mouth.

He popped the end of his cone into his mouth as well, and smiled as the popping reaction began.

"See! It's not just me!"

We were silent for a while. Just looking at the stars that were beginning to show, an the walking passerby. I picked up my phone from where it was next to his, and looked at the time. I smiled.

"Come here," I said getting up and pulling his hand. There were tables set around the very outside edge, such as the one we were sitting at. The middle part was about thirty feet on each side, a perfect square I led him to the center of the bricks and stopped.

"Why are we standing here?" he grinned down at me.

"Because, wait for it."

Not two minutes after I said that, It began to shoot water around the outside edge, creating the effect that it was raining. He jumped, and I grinned like crazy. The other side went off, causing us both to jump and turn to look at it. The next side went off not long after, and I yanked on his hand.

"Come on!"

We got out of the way just in time before the spot where we once were erupted. The water droplets were hitting us, but it felt good in the warm summer night. He laughed as I led him, just barely missing each spurt of water. I was having such a fun time that I forgot what I was doing and looked back to him, only to lead us right into the next one. It sprayed us and we were thoroughly drenched. Both of us were still smiling, as we ran around not bothering to miss the water anymore.

God, I can't remember a time I smiled as much as I did then.

After a good solid fifteen minutes it stopped, as we met up in the middle. He hugged me, smiling as he did so.

"That was amazing." He said breathless.

"I know. I love coming here in the summer time, as good as swimming, but less of a crowd."

He laughed. "Gah, I can't remember when I had this much fun. Just...Thank you."

We were still standing there, when he leaned down and pecked my cheek.

"What was that for?" I asked him touching my cheek, but smiling none the less.

"For everything...For being there when I needed you." He smiled warmly at me.

Through all our antics we hadn't noticed that it began to rain softly, until the thunder boomed loud and clear.

With that, both of us began to rum back to my car, him leading me by the hand, and me trying to understand why I felt so alive.