Scream Me a Dream

“So you’re not close to your parents?” Bam asked.

“No.” she said simply, deciding that one-word answers were probably best for this particular line of questioning. She hated talking about her parents, about her relationship with them. Josef was the only one that heard about her parents, and that was because he tended to poke and prod until she did. He knew it was better for her to talk about her issues when they were fresh in her mind, instead of letting them build up and bubble over. The aftermath was never pretty when she held things in.

She reached up, about to stroke her cheek as she remembered one particularly nasty incident with her mother, only to realize what she was doing and clench her hand on her arm as she crossed them over her chest.

“Why not?” Bam asked.

Soya shrugged. “We’re just not very close.”

“You haven’t been to Finland since your sister was born, right?” Bam asked. “That’s what you said the night we went to your dance recital thing.”

“Right.” Soya nodded.

“Why not?” Bam asked again, trying to get more information.

Soya gave a dry laugh as she thought about the reason she had not been back. “Because I’m quite the obedient daughter.”

Bam raised an eyebrow. “So you haven’t gone back because your parents told you not to? How old are you again?”

Soya shook her head, this was the reason she hated talking about her parents; because no one understood why she still did the things she did for them. “I don’t want to talk about my parents.” She looked over at Ville who was looking at her sympathetically and winced inwardly, before looking over at Bam’s determined face. “And since I’m positive my three passes won’t even begin to cover the questions I’m sure are going through your head, I think I’m going to go to bed.”

She pushed back her chair and started to stand, only to grip the table edge when she felt the pain in her ankle.

“Soya?” Ville asked.

“I’m fine.” She snapped, only to sigh and look at Ville apologetically. “Olen pahoillani.”(I’m sorry.) She whispered, before walking away from the table and making her way up the stairs.

“Why do you always have to fucking push?” Dunn asked, glaring at Bam.

“I’m sorry that asking about family is a sore subject.” Bam said with a roll of his eyes.

Ville shook his head, disappointed with his friend, he had thought that Bam had honestly wanted to get to know Soya, not find dirty secrets in her closet to use against her at a later date. “I need a fucking smoke.” Ville said pushing away from the table and going outside to the deck.

“Dude, you better apologize to Soya if you want to get back on Ville’s good side.” Dunn said, causing Bam to groan and get up from the table, Dunn following to make sure Bam actually apologized instead of pissing off the girl even more.

They found her in the hallway about to walk into the room she shared with Ville when Bam said her name.

Soya sighed. “Yes, Bam?”

“Look,” he thought about apologizing, before he reconsidered. “I just want to know why you’re not close to your family.”

Dunn groaned, “Fuck.”

Soya rubbed her face tiredly, before turning to Bam. “What is it you want me to say Bam? That I was never hugged as a child? Because I wasn’t. That my parents thought that tucking me in at night and reading me bedtime stories was a menial task and better left to the nannies, because it was. Or do you want me to tell you about the time my mother kept me from eating for a week, because she wasn’t satisfied with the way my leotards fit or how I was slapped for even the mere thought of talking back?”

She gave an aggravated shake of her head. “Well there you go, now you know why I don’t like talking about my parents, I really hope I’ve satisfied your curiosity. Now if it pleases, your majesty,” she said her voice full of sarcasm, “My ankle is bothering me and I’d really like to soak it before I go to bed.”

Instead of waiting for an answer, she walked into the room and closed the door quietly.

“Well, great job Bam.” Dunn said slapping Bam’s shoulder. “Great way to make new friends.”

Bam stared at the door Soya had walked into and leaned against the railing of the landing. “Fuck.” He muttered to himself.

XxxxxxX

After changing into her boxers and Ville’s now clean Hanoi Rocks shirt, she went through her suitcase, hoping that Josef had had the foresight to know that her ankle was still bothering her and to pack…

“Yes!” she said, giving a small smile, when she saw a small canister filled with Epsom salt, grabbing the canister and her towel, along with her toiletry bag before going to the door. Opening the door slowly, she peeked outside and saw the hallway clear. Sighing in relief, she shuffled to the bathroom and put her things on the toilet seat, before running the water. She waited until it was boiling hot, the way she liked it, before she pulled the stopper and watched as the tub started filling.

She sat on the edge of tub, her back to the water, pulling the top off the canister; she poured a good amount of salt into the water, only to smile again when the scent of lavender filled the small room. Josef knew her so well, she thought as she tossed the canister into her toiletry bag and stirred the water with her hand.

Slipping off her slippers, she twisted around placing her feet in the hot water and rotated her ankle slowly to keep it from tensing up.

“Hey.”

Soya looked over her shoulder, and rolled her eyes. “Want more sordid details of my family life?” She asked, pulling her hair over her shoulder as she turned back around to look at the water. The tub was half filled and reaching the middle of her calf, turning it off, she turned around to see Bam still standing at the doorway. “I’m just soaking my ankle.”

“I know, I just…” Bam ran a hand over his face. “I want to-”

Soya raised her hand, cutting him off. “If you’re about to apologize, please don’t.”

“What?” Bam asked surprised.

“I can tell that apologies are probably few and far in between with you, and I’d prefer you don’t waste one on me, especially if you don’t mean it.”

“How do you know I don’t mean it?” Bam asked, offended that she would think he was being forced to apologize. Sure, he was going to apologize before because he had to, but now he really did feel fucking bad for pushing her.

“You wanted to know information Bam, I don’t blame you. You’ve known Ville for years and then one day I pop up after never hearing of me before. You’re curious and you’re obviously very protective of your friends.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t excuse your behavior, of course, you should have let it go, but I understand why you didn’t.”

“So just like that, I’m forgiven?”

Soya raised an eyebrow. “No,” she laughed. “I’m able to hold a grudge like no other. I’m just saying, don’t say ‘I’m sorry’ if you don’t mean it. And right now, you don’t mean it. You got the information you wanted, and you’re proud of yourself for it. When you’re ready I’ll be here.” She turned back around and rotated her ankle again, smiling lightly when she heard the squeak of the wood, and heavy footsteps signaling Bam leaving.

It was much more difficult to be the bigger person in any situation, Soya tended to pride herself on it. She straightened when she felt someone’s eyes on her back. Turning slightly she gave a small smile at Ville and scooted over on the lip of the tub. He sat down next to her, taking off his shoes, before turning and putting his feet in the water.

“Hot.” He muttered.

“Mmm.” She leaned over and rested her cheek on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“I know. I’m not upset.” Ville said, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m sorry for Bam.”

Soya kissed his shoulder and grinned at him. “You have no reason to apologize.”

Ville sighed and looked down at Soya. “Did she really not feed you?”

Soya winced. “You heard?”

“I was on my way to check up on you.” Ville admitted.

Soya shrugged. “I was fourteen. It’s not a big deal, Ville.”

Ville shook his head, but decided to stay quite about the subject. “I think it’s time we talk about it.”

Soya lifted her head and frowned at him. “Talk about what?”

“About Finland.”

Soya nodded slowly and moved her feet around the water. “I told you Ville, deep down I’m still that sixteen year old that you remember. My mother says to stay here so I stay, I’ve never fought it.”

“Why not?”

Soya swallowed. “Because other than Aida, there’s nothing in Finland for me anymore.”

Ville looked at her, his green eyes full of hurt. “So I’m nothing.”

“Don’t do that.” She whispered. “Don’t twist my words.”

“You said it!”

“You know what I meant.” She defended. “Every time I had a break you guys weren’t there. You were touring, you were promoting, you really think I want to spend six months in Finland with my parents? Why do you think I’m trying so hard now to get back there? But my father gave me a choice, either I stay here or I go with Josef to his hometown. Those are my only two options.”

“You’re a grown woman, Soya; you should be able to make your own decisions by now.”

“I really wish my life were like that.” She muttered. “Every minute of every day has been planned out for me Ville. I wasn’t given a choice to come to New York, I wasn’t given a choice in my career. The only thing I ever chose to do for myself was my studio, and my mother still doesn’t approve of that choice.” She looked up at him, her grey eyes pleading into his green ones. “I don’t want you to look at me and see a child Ville.”

“Of course I don’t.”

“I may not stick up to my parents,” she said, tearing her eyes away from his to look down at the water, moving her feet around in circles, feeling the grain of the salt on the bottoms of her feet. “But I’m trying to change that.”

“I love you as you are, Soya,” Ville told her quietly. “I always have, your family issues and all. You always acted like nothing ever bothered you, like the days you would come to the garage with a reddened cheek and oh so quiet.” He said remembering the few times she had come in quietly while they were practicing, lay on the couch and close her eyes. They would always zoom straight in on the red mark on her cheek and know exactly what it had meant.

Soya bit her lip. “My father isn’t abusive Ville.”

Ville rolled his eyes. “Right.”

“He’s not.” She said. “Yes, he slapped me.” She admitted. “But it wasn’t a regular thing, and you know that.”

“I don’t care what you think it was or wasn’t, Soya. He still hit you. I don’t give a fuck if it was once or a million times, it’s still wrong.”

“I know.” Soya nodded, leaning back over and resting her head on his arm.

“How’s your ankle?” He asked looking down at the submerged foot.

“Better.” She admitted, stretching her leg out, pointing her toes to tense the muscle. “I worked it out a bit more than I meant to today and I agitated it.”

“What’s in the water?” Ville asked, moving his feet in the water, causing the grains of salt to rub on the surface on the tub, making a scratching noise.

“Lavender Epsom salt.” She answered. “Josef packed it for me. It helps with sore muscles. I use it a lot after long rehearsals but I think I’m done.” She said as she turned and grabbed her toiletry bag off the toilet seat, and scrounged through it, until she found the lotion she put on her feet.

“What’s that?” Ville asked, looking at the small bottle.

“It helps heal cracked heels.” She said, showing him the tube. “I have dancer’s feet, remember?” She laughed quietly, at his confused look. “I wear ballet shoes and flats eight-five percent of the time, so my feet aren’t as soft as I would like them to be. The cream helps.”

Grabbing her towel from the toilet seat and drying his feet, he turned around on the lip of the tub so he was out of the water. He laid the towel on his lap and patted his leg, causing Soya to sigh.

“Fine.” She said. “You’re lucky; no one sees my feet but me.”

“Not even Josef?” He teased.

“Not even Josef.” She assured before straddling the lip of the tub, lifting her left foot and placing it on his lap. He wrapped her foot carefully with the towel, knowing that her left was her sore one, patting it dry. He accepted the lotion from her hand and put some in his hand, rubbing it in, before placing them on her foot, massaging the lotion in.

“I don’t see anything wrong with your feet.” He told her, massaging the heel of her foot, smirking when she bit her lip to hold on the groan.

“They’re cracked and calloused.”

“So are mine.” Ville laughed.

“They bruise and bleed when I’m rehearsing and doing recitals, they’re damaged.”

He looked down and really didn’t see anything wrong with her feet. Sure, her toes were a bit calloused due to the amount of time she spent on them, and her heels were slightly cracked, but whose weren’t? What he did absolutely love about her feet was that her girly side definitely showed in her painted toenails. “Black.” He commented with a smirk. “Nice.”

She wiggled her toes. “I think so, they were burgundy last week.”

He put that foot down and let her put on her slipper before she put her right foot in his lap and he repeated the process.

Soya bit her lip to keep the groans in as Ville massaged her foot. Usually she did the massaging herself once a week, but with Ville doing it, she felt the heat of his fingers all the way up her legs and a strange pull in her stomach that she was positive was associated with sexual attraction. She may not have been sexually active, but she definitely knew the signs when her body sent them.

Taking a shuddering breath when Ville put her foot down, she put on her slipper and stood, gathering her things to start getting ready for bed.

“You’re not going out tonight?” she asked, trying to get her mind of the new development. Sure, she was willing to admit she still had a small crush on Ville, but first and foremost, he was her friend. The fact that she even thought she had those types of feelings…she blinked to get rid of the thoughts.

“No, I really don’t want to be around Bam right now.” Ville admitted, getting his toothbrush from his own toiletry case.

“You know I don’t want what he said to me to affect your friendship with him. He’s just protective.”

“Yes, but in this case, he crossed a line that he shouldn’t have.”

Soya rolled her eyes but brushed her teeth, shielding her mouth from Ville’s gaze when she spit, causing Ville to chuckle in amusement as he spit his own toothpaste into the sink.

“So proper.” He teased, putting his toothbrush back and following Soya into their room.

“I’m a lady. A lady doesn’t spit in front of a gentleman.”

“Nice to know you think of me as a gentleman.” He said as he closed the door and stripped off his shirt tossing it in the corner of the room. Soya sat on her side of the bed, kicking off her slippers as she undid the covers and crawled underneath them. She looked over at Ville who had his back turned towards her, coming into eye contact with his tattoo of Poe’s eyes.

“I love that tattoo.” She admitted.

Ville looked over his shoulder, to look at that tattoo she was referring. “I’m glad you like it. I like it too.”

“It’s eerie.” She admitted, staring straight at the eyes. “But it’s very you.”

Ville chuckled deep in his throat and undid the jeans he’d borrowed from Soya, only to curse when he remembered he hadn’t worn underwear with them. He heard Soya laughing behind him, and turned to look at her, buttoning the pants.

“Your boxers are still downstairs, I haven’t brought anything up.”

“Thanks.” He said, leaving the room and jogging downstairs to the laundry room, passing Bam who was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels of the TV, not wanting to deal with whatever pity party Bam was giving himself.

It was very rare that he found himself annoyed with Bam’s antics; in fact, he could count the times he’d ever been angry with Bam on less than one hand. It wasn’t even the fact that Bam had upset Soya, it was that he had felt the need to know her business when it was obvious she was uneasy talking about it.

Hell, when he had first met her she’d made it very clear, that other than their occupations she did not want to talk about her parents. He had respected her decision and had only pushed when he had walked her home after seeing the red print on her face for the first time and asked about it.

Walking into the laundry room, feeling his frustration rise, he stopped when he saw the laundry in piles. After the whole tattoo incident in the afternoon, she had spent the rest of the time in the laundry room, washing, drying, and folding.

Apparently she had also organized it, on top of the washer and dryer were piles of shirts separated by size and color, while jeans were also folded neatly by size. Everything from the boxers the rest of the guy’s wore, to one of Novak’s thongs were sitting there neatly. In front of the washer sat two hampers, one was his, while the other was Bam’s. Moving the lids he found that like the piles on top of the machines, everything was folded neatly inside and organized, jeans together on the bottom, shirts, undershirts and underwear.

“Hey.”

Ville looked over and nodded at Dunn as he covered Bam’s hamper and started going through his.

“I have it on good authority that any clothes that are left here tonight are going through a wood chipper in the morning.” Dunn said with a smirk as he started rooting through the piles, pulling out the clothes that he knew to be his.

“Thanks.” Ville said covering his hamper and picking it up.

“Hey?”

Ville looked over. “Yeah?”

“You know that once Bam gets an idea in his head, there’s no stopping him.”

Ville shrugged. “I know; I’ll forgive him. You know I can’t be mad at the bastard for long.”

“Is Soya mad?” Dunn asked worry lacing his voice.

Ville scoffed. “That girl doesn’t know how to stay mad. She may be annoyed but anger doesn’t stay in her system long. Though now it’s Bam’s turn to prove that he’s worth her time, not the other way around.”

Dunn laughed as he started picking through the undershirts. “That’s going to be fun to watch.”

“Very.” Ville agreed as he headed back upstairs, instead of going straight to the room, he went into the bathroom, and changed out of the jeans and into a pair of boxers, before picking up the hamper and going back to the room. He found Soya still sitting on the bed her legs crossed, her laptop open in front of her.

He tossed the jeans in the corner with his shirt, before he crawled into bed next to her and looked over her shoulder.

“Rosalind answered?” Ville asked.

“Not yet, but according to their tour schedule they have back to back shows for the next two weeks. So I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t get back to me until that’s done. Ben just sent me an e-mail letting me know that everything was worked out.”

“That’s good.” Ville said with a small yawn, before scooting down on the bed to lie down, his head resting on Soya’s knee. He felt his eyes close when he felt Soya’s fingers run through his hair absently, only for them to open when he heard the laptop close and the light go out.

He lifted his head and rested it on the pillow, as Soya lay down on her side facing him.

“Tired?” He asked as he watched her eyes flutter close only to open at his question.

“Mmmm.” She murmured as her eyes closed again.

Ville licked his bottom lip, scooting closer to her and throwing his arm around her middle. His fingers traced her spine lightly, hitting the small of her back, only to slip under her shirt to feel her soft, warm skin.

“What are you up to?” She asked quietly, amusement in voice.

“Warm.” He muttered.

“So are blankets.” She pointed out, opening one eye to peek out at him. He looked down at his hand, resting it on her hip, pushing her shirt up lightly so he could see the tattoo that was permanently inked on her skin.

“Beautiful.” He whispered, leaning down and before he could even think about how intimate the action was, he placed a light kiss right on the burgundy Heartagram that lay on her ribs. A small groan slipped out from Soya’s lips as he pulled back and settled back down next to her, his fingers tracing the vines.

“Can I ask you something?” Ville asked quietly, not wanting to break the little bubble they had created.

“Is this also part of the interview?” she teased.

“No.” He said simply, staring at her.

“Ville, you can ask me anything.” She told him seriously.

“It’s a question that’s always been on my mind.” He admitted.

“What is it?”

Ville thought about an easier way to phrase the question, one that wouldn’t seem like he was blaming her, or wanting to make her feel guilty. But there really wasn’t any other way to phrase it but bluntly. “Why didn’t you ever keep in touch?” He asked finally.

Soya opened her mouth only to close it. She raised her hand and rested it on his cheek. “Oh Ville.” She sighed.

“Had we had your number in New York or even an address we would have called you every day, sent you shit, visited you when we were down there.” He said his voice filled with frustration, causing Soya’s heart to break. “You just told me you were coming to the states, you never said where in the states.”

She knew leaving had been hard for her, but she hadn’t taken into consideration just how hard Ville and the rest of the boys had taken it, especially when she had ended all contact when there had been no need to.

“It hurt to leave.” She admitted quietly. “When I got to New York, I thought about writing you guys, phoning, every day.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Soya curled her fingers against his cheek and brought him down closer so that their foreheads mated, their noses touching and their lips millimeters apart. “I know you.” She whispered, her lips nearly brushing his as she spoke. “I know that you thought it was your fault that I got sent away.”

“Of course it was.”

“No!” she said forcefully, pressing her fingers against his cheeks a bit tighter, trying to pull him out of the thoughts that she knew were running through his head, all the reasons why her leaving were his fault. “No, it wasn’t. I didn’t have the greatest experience here my first few years and I knew if I called you guys, complaining about everything that was wrong, everything I hated about that damn school that you, especially you, would be racked by guilt. I didn’t want that for you, Ville. I would never cause you unnecessary pain; I’d never put that on your shoulders.”

He shook his head, their noses brushing together as he did so. “You should have, you think you have to carry the weight of the fucking world on your shoulders Soya, when you don’t and you didn’t have to back then. You know I would have been there for you. You knew that Mige, Linde and I would have accepted every long distance call just to keep you in our lives.”

“I did know that. I still do.” She sighed. “I…I didn’t…I didn’t want it to hurt.” She finally admitted.

“For what to hurt?”

“Missing you.” She said quietly. “If I called and heard you, and you started being you, I think being in New York without you guys would have been even more unbearable than it was. It was purely selfish, I know.”

“Oh Soya.” He breathed, pulling her closer. “Oh kulta,” he kissed her eyes as they closed, knowing that she was keeping in tears, before moving down and kissing her cheek, his lips ghosting over her skin, kissing the corner of her mouth.

“I never meant for it to hurt you, Ville. That was never my intention.” She whispered.

“Tiedän, kultaseni, tiedän.”(I know, sweetheart, I know) he whispered, before moving down and lightly kissing her lips.

Soya’s fingers slipped from his face, down to his neck, feeling his pulse beat as their lips brushed together, never going further.

Ville pulled away and tucked her under his chin, pulling her closer, his arm anchoring her to him, and throwing his leg over her to keep her in place. “Sleep Soya.” He said quietly. “We’re here now, and that’s what matters.”