No Strings Attached, Please?

I heard my Mom telling Kale why I skipped school today. I didn’t take my breakfast, I didn’t shower, and I didn’t get up from my bed for the entire day. All I did was cry over-dramatically. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I did tell Mom about Dante and I.

Mom was making this easy; she didn’t bother to bug me with Mike’s presence inside the house. She didn’t invite him along today because she knew that he would make it worse.

Mom was sorry to know that everything was ruined between me and Dante. I tried to text him last night, but he didn’t reply. I tried to call him a million times, but all he did was reject the calls and even turned his phone off to stop me. I sent like a zillion voice messages to him, but I guess he deleted it without even listening to it.

I was a really dumb slut. I couldn’t blame it on anyone. I was stuck in my spot, as Dante didn’t want to hear my explanation.

If I could look at it better, it’s actually only about simple things. Dante didn’t know that I was only making Lynn jealous. And he quickly assumed that I was dating Nat even though I did date Nat and it’s for cover. For some unknown reason, I couldn’t tell Dante why I made out with Nat.

I thought my eyes had dried, but I could still cry inside my room while my eyes were darting off the windows. I saw my memories with Dante. The memories were unforgettable and I couldn’t determine myself that the memories easily ruined again. Long ago, when I dated Dante, I saw myself would walk down to the altar where he would wait for me in front of the priest.

I saw myself marrying him, I’ve wanted to have his last name as mine ever since. But fate spoke louder than imagination. I thought it would stay being bullshit.

I loved Dante a lot; I loved him so much that it hurt. I was beyond happy that I could get a second chance, but now what? He threw me away. I hated myself. I hated Nat. Why would I want to help him in the first place? Dante still wanted me, I should have known it. But now, it’s useless. I couldn’t do anything.

I rested my head on my palms on the pillow while I wiped my tears away from my eyes. I heard a low thump come from the door. I knew Kale would pay a visit to my home after he didn’t see me in the band practice yesterday and also school today.

My bed shifted a bit as the scent of Kale’s old perfume came through my nostrils. Kale rocked my forearm lightly as I turned my head to him. He stared at my doubts and my sad face. I was still crying there nonstop.

Kale knew everything right now, but all he could do was only pulling me into tight hug and rubbed my back. He was sorry about what happened to me when he tried to calm me down by stroking my unwashed hair.

I kept crying on his chest as I hugged him back. I knew I needed a comforting hug for a moment to release my emotion toward Dante. Kale told me what happened yesterday in band practice. Dante wasn’t in the good shape.

He didn’t sing like he used to. He was putting his unsteady emotion inside the song so when he was singing a happy song, it sounded like an angry song. Kale said that Dante wasn’t himself that night. He was murmuring something incoherent, he was yelling at people for unknown reasons and he smoked a lot that night.

The worst part was when Dante punched Nat purposely when Nat was off guard. Nat himself was confused what happened to Dante, and so they got into a fight which led the practice to be delayed until Dante’s emotions got better.

I sobbed when I was listening to Kale. I knew Dante was upset like me. He was confused with me all this time. And I made it easier for him to let me go.

I planted my nose on Kale’s neck as I sobbed hard. I knew my unwashed eyeliner smudged his neck and ruined his checkered shirt. But Kale didn’t complain; he kept shushing me with his low tone as he played with my messy red hair.

Kale mentioned the Battle of the Bands—an annual event that town held—where his band entered into the competition. The event would be next Saturday, and Kale admitted that they didn’t get enough practice for that. I felt like blaming myself for what happened with BigBang Aftermath. It’s always about me.

I began to wrap my hands around Kale’s neck before my eyes flicked to my door where I found a figure was standing there with guilty face. In my blurry eyes, I couldn’t tell whether it was Nat or Carlton, but I guessed he looked more like Nat because of his new haircut. Nat was standing there as his hands were chucked down on his pocket.

Our eyes locked together for a brief moment after I pulled away from Kale. Kale realized Nat’s presence in my door and told me that Nat wanted to tag along to my house.

“Am I interrupting something?” Nat asked quietly as he ventured slowly toward our direction. Kale patted the spot next to his side making Nat sat there. He looked far from happy. I didn’t reply him but Kale only shook his head.

“I think, I’m just gonna leave you two. I know you two might want to clear everything out” Kale said as he excused himself from my bedroom. I nodded slowly to Kale while on the other side Nat stared me with his pitiful look.

“I’m really sorry for what happened,” Nat started when I realized a little bluish spot formed up on his lower cheekbone. I thought about how Dante punched him on the face. “I know that this might be a stupid idea between you and I. I didn’t expect Dante would be so mad, I mean, I didn’t know that you two were getting back together. We shouldn’t have continued it,” Nat blurted out while I was listening to him.

I sighed longingly. I pulled my legs and then made a sitting form in front of him as I hugged my knees together against my chest. I rested my chin on my kneecaps before I stared at him with doubtful eyes.

“I’m sorry Dante hit you, he actually didn’t know what happened between us. He kept accusing that I cheated on him and he even didn’t want to hear my words” I managed my words in hoarse voice. “I’m really sorry, I ruined your band for the second time,” I admitted and quieted my voice in the end of sentence.

Nat shook his head, “Nah, it’s alright. I think I kinda deserve that. If I were in Dante’s shoes without knowing anything, maybe I could murder myself because I truly loved you. It’s alright, Dante had done a lot of worse than that when he’s in breakdown with your break up” Nat lightly chuckled as he gently rubbed the little bruise on his face.

I only nodded and mustered a low sigh through my mouth. Giving a side-glance to Nat I rested my back on the headboard.

“I really love him, Nat” I confessed. Nat mustered a long sigh as he leaned to my side.

“I feel bad about you. I’m really sorry. I mean, this is about me. I feel guilty…If this is not about Lynn and—“

“You don’t need to blame yourself, Nat” I switched my head to him with weak smile, “I did want to help you, well besides, look at the bright side that we’re friends now. You don’t need to blame yourself. Maybe this is the best way for me and Dante. Maybe I’m meant to help you with Lynn. Maybe I’m meant to break up with Dante totally separately” I pretended to be strong but I failed at the last word. I crushed my voice as I buried my head in between my kneecaps and started to sob again.

I really did love Dante. I couldn’t accept the fact that he didn’t want me.

During that day, Nat and Kale decided to make themselves comfortable in my house. Mom insisted O take a shower because it’s unnecessary for a girl to look this messed up. And there were Kale and Nat, so she thought I needed to take a shower because it’s a shame to find your daughter looking ugly in between attractive guys like Kale and Nat.

Finishing applying my light make-up after I took a shower, I walked downstairs to find my Mom was on the phone with no one but Mike. She was giggling and flirting shamelessly. I rolled my eyes at her as then I ventured around the house to see that Kale and Nat were nowhere to be found.

Looking outside, I found Kale and Nat were sitting on my lawn with cigarette in their hands. I shrugged and then turned the doorknob and walked over to them. Kale and Nat were in deep conversation as they slightly let out their typical guys’ laugh.

I frowned when my eyes didn’t find Kale’s motorbike parked on my driveway but it’s replaced with a Ducati. I shoved myself in between the boys as I grabbed Nat’s cigarette and took a brief drag from it. Nat knew about my old habit smoking, he only glared to me and snatched back his cigarette.

“Not good for you,” he simply stated

“Not for you, either” I stuck out my tongue to him as Kale let out his low chuckle before giving some weird comment to us being a cute couple. I gagged at Kale but not letting him know that me and Nat weren’t really a couple.

“So Kale, your Dad finally bought you a Ducati, huh?” I asked as I pointed to the motorbike. A smirk played upon my lips as Kale let out his amused smile.

“Nah, it’s Nat’s actually” Kale replied with slight annoyance. “But I should let you know that I’m jealous here,”

“Yours???” I bulged out my eyes at him. “I thought you own a car already? And dude, that’s a Ducati you own! I thought your Dad was only a simple employee”

Nat mustered some familiar laugh, “My Dad is an employee. He works at Google in the System Upgrading Department. And I don’t own a car; it’s practically a shared car between me and Carlton. And for your information, I also put my money on buying this Ducati, well, half of it. And it’s only a second-handed” Nat shrugged.

“Nathaniel Sean McGregor! The price is nearly $10.000-ish though it’s second-handed! Where the fuck you got the half $5000???” I was yelling at him. “Besides, even though your Dad works at Google, that doesn’t mean he could buy you a Ducati!”

Kale burst out laughing as he patted my legs, “Geez, woman, shut up. You intimidate McGregor that much, huh? You don’t know that McGregor’s family own zillion hectares of vineyard?? And do you know that his Mom’s also one of the stockholders in New York Central Business?” Kale stated.

Nat groaned, “Shut up, Kale. You’re exaggerating” Nat rolled his eyes while he let out a long string of smoke from his mouth.

I gasped, “Nat! Why did you choose public school? I don’t get it; you own a simple house when you’re actually rich! And your parents look humble and far from rich!”

Nat pinched my lips to shut me up as he scratched his head, “Look, school is just school. There’s no difference between private and public schools. And the most important thing is, I don’t want to have friends that only look at me because of my status. We’re only a simple family, why bother to show off about our properties? We, McGregor, don’t really like the spotlight” Nat said earnestly.

I raised my hands up to the air and interjected, “It’s about time! I finally have a rich boyfriend!” I joked and hugged Nat’s side making Kale laughed at us. Nat stuck his tongue out at me, keeping his cool.

“Don’t expect me to bring you to exclusive yet corny dinner at some French restaurant, don’t expect me to buy you diamond rings or stuff” Nat warned playfully making me pouted at him.

“It’s good to see you finally moved on from your previous love-struck at Dante” Kale commented. I turned my head to him and crooked a small smile. “Glad to see you smile, although I know that you date Nat only for rebound,” Kale said with his smart-ass theory.

“I-I-I...” I stuttered, “I don’t date Nat for a rebound,”

“Psh... Keep telling yourself that. I know how much you worship Dante and it’s kinda weird to know you date Nat, isn’t it Nat?” Kale arched one of his eyebrows to Nat.

“Uhh...” Nat scratched his head, “Well, but I can tell that I’m actually attracted to her,” Nat admitted making me blush. I was wondering if he said the truth or he’s just trying to convince Kale that we’re seriously dating.

“You are?” Kale gasped, “Well, what a progress, huh?”

Nat and Kale argued about my relationship with Nat for like fifteen minutes but it ended up with Kale believing that we’re dating even though there’s a slight reason about rebound between us. Whether it’s a rebound for Dante or Nat’s desperation toward Lynn.

The day grew old as the sky turned slightly orange-ish letting us know that it’s almost twilight to come. After hours and hours, we three talked on my lawn, Kale stood up as he patted his butt from the dirt. He said that he needed to get home because his Mom expected him to have a home dinner.

Kale came to my house by hitching a ride with Nat, but when he got home he decided to take a walk. Since his house was still in my neighborhood and so. Nat himself didn’t bother to ride Kale home and he said something about Kale needed to get his ass back by himself.

Kale groaned and then excused himself while he sent his regards to my Mom who happened to be inside the house and Kale was too lazy to get inside to meet my Mom. After Kale’s departure, Nat and I decided to get inside, as I wondered why he didn’t join Kale and get back home.

As we got back inside, we found my Mom was busy inside the kitchen and then called us out to help her. I was confused about the preparation. She prepared an unusual menu for dinner, which always happened to be a formal dinner where there were important occasions. I tried to ask my Mom about what she’s planning but she just shut me up and told me to help her.

While I was boiling the veggies, Nat was slicing the roasted beef on the other side of kitchen. Mom had asked about Kale’s presence and she expected Kale to help the preparation but sadly, Kale had gone home.

I was so pissed off, I was furious, I was beyond enraged when I found out about Mike’s car was already in our driveway. I thought my Mom was trying to let my mood up, but she invited Mike to join this unusual dinner. He let himself in when Nat, mom, and I had finished with the preparation. There were already sat some food on the dining table. Mom greeted Mike with their sick love passionate kiss which made me want to puke but Nat calmed down.

The dinner started in no time, I aimlessly took a seat next to Nat while on the other way Mike seated himself next to Mom.

“Well glad to meet you again, Nathaniel,” Mike smiled warmly at Nat as Nat politely nodded. “I’m happy to know you both seem in common and everything goes well, eh?”

“Not your business, Petowski,” I said dangerously yet gruffly.

“Savannah!” Mom scolded me, “Watch your tone,”

I rolled my eyes and quickly collected the French fries, the steak and the salad with the content of my likings. Nat didn’t bother to get the steak, he said he’s training himself to be a vegetarian, so he could take the steak but in small size.

“So…” Mike started awkwardly.

“Savannah skipped the school today, she’s not in good shape today,” Mom informed him. I glared to her and punched the fork on my hand.

“He has no rights to know about my school life!” I stated rudely while I shot Mike with cynical look.

“Savannah Riveraine Connor! If you talk to him that rudely again, I will not reconsider anything but ground you for behaving that bad!” my Mom warned me while the atmosphere that oozed the dining room grew more and more awkward. Nat squeezed my hand beneath the table.

“He’s just no one! I’m not playing the game ‘Let him play the role as the dad’ thingy! He’s not Dad, Mom!” I barked with my high pitch voice. Mom was beyond enraged making Mike pulled her hand downward, preventing her to get me.

“He’s not playing anymore! He’s becoming your Dad! Mike proposed me yesterday and we’re getting married soon!” Mom showed the ring she’d been hiding on her left ring finger and I was stunned; I clung there in my seat with jaws on the floor.

She’s...she’s fucking getting married!??

My breath was hitched and it became uneven. I couldn’t believe she was getting married to that creep! I started to sob without tears and with that I stood up, letting the chair behind me to drop as I boomed my fist on the table angrily.

“I’M NOT HAVING THIS CREEP AS MY DAD! YOU WON’T HAVE MY BLESS ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE! I WON’T BE THERE! I WON’T LET MY LIFE GET RUINED BY YOUR MARRIAGE, MOM!” I screamed aloud as I threw the spoon on the table. I started to cry when I ran out from the house.

I heard my Mom’s faint calls behind me but I ignored her. I slammed the front door and ran dramatically, crying with my nose running while my feet staggeringly paced on the silent sidewalk.

I didn’t want it. I hated Mike. He’s not Dad! I barely knew him and I hated the fact that Mom loved him so much. What if he’s a creep? What if when he’s already been my step Dad, he would molest me? What if he’s only a gold-digger bastard? What if he’s just going to hurt my Mom more? I hated every guy who happened to have thing with my Mom, no exception for Mike.

My tired feet started to slow down on the sidewalk. I was quite far from my neighborhood, the houses passed by and I thought I almost reached Dante’s neighborhood. My tears formed again when I knew I wasn’t able to confide on Dante about my broken life and my frustration about my Mom’s marriage. Because I knew, he still hated me.

Paces after paces until my feet wore out, I hugged my midsection tightly since I didn’t bring any sweater out and the weather grew colder than before. I had nowhere to go, I was thinking about going to Kale’s house, but Potter’s was in the opposite direction and it would take another long walk to get there. So I thought about hitting the park.

However, after thinking that I could hit the park, a horn came from the side of my ear. A heavy engine came right next to me and there was someone with helmet killed their engine in front of me. I was stunned a bit to see the familiar Ducati stopped there.

Nat let out his helmet and with his worried look, he knitted his eyebrows together.

“What the fuck are you doing? I was searching for you,” he said

“I don’t need anybody to find me. You can go back to your house,”

“I’m not leaving you alone in this unfamiliar neighborhood. Get on the bike,” he ordered.

“I don’t need you, Nat. I can take care of myself,”

“I said get on the bike!”

I groaned and cried, “Can’t you understand a bit!? I’m having a stupid problem with my stupid Mom and you want me to get on your bike so you could bring me back home? Fuck no!”

“Who said I’m gonna bring you back? Just get on the bike… please. I swear I’m not bringing you back home. We can hit anywhere you like,” he was more begging than asking. I faced down to the ground as I wiped out my remained tears on my cheek. I hugged my midsection tighter and let out a defeated yet weak ‘fine’ to him.

As I was about to get on the bike, Nat slid off his black Peter Says Denim varsity jacket and offered it to me. I frowned in confusion at him and made a face.

“What about you?” I asked.

“I’m fine. I’m wearing the extra sweater, see?” he showed his knitted chocolate sweater that looked so warm. I gladly took the jacket from him and slid it on my freezing body. For a moment, I was hugged with Nat’s perfume and I silently liked it. Nat clasped his helmet and gave the spare helmet to me.

I hopped on the bike as Nat started the engine making me automatically wrap my arms around his midsection from the back. He drove away quickly and we flew like a feather through the wet night street. I rested my cheek on his back while my eyes darted to the night sky.

I remembered my Mom and it led me to cry silently again. I really didn’t want her to remarried. It’s hurting to know there would be a new family that waited for me. Dad was an asshole, but for me, he would be always be my only Dad. No one could replace him, even if Mom always mentioned how I needed a father figure in my life.

I knew rightly there was no one who could teach my first bicycle, no one who cared about my first time at my primary school, no one was there in my first Spelling Bee competition to win, no one was there to tell me to stay away from boys when I was ten years old, no one was telling me that make up was only for sixteen year olds.

But, there was only Mom who did all the things, Mom who’s always there. She was my Mom and she also played the role as dad. And as much as I hated Mike, why I didn’t want him to marry Mom was because I didn’t want to see Mom choose the wrong guy who would hurt her in the future.

My eyes dried when I felt the cold wind start to dry them out as I realized that Nat brought me to the silent woods. I snapped out my thoughts and started to watch the road. Nat turned the bike down to Lake Erie. Nat’s Ducati roared when it hit the slightly rocky road down to the lake.

Nat cut the engine and then parked his Ducati near the fenced lake. There was a bench near the lake and, confused, I walked toward there and sat silently there. Nat’s warm breath formed as foggy breath on his face, he looked at me with such a look and then joined me on the bench.

He sat there without a voice as he rummaged his jeans’ pocket to find a cigarette and a lighter. He lit the cigarette and without even offering me he enjoyed his first drag with such amusement.

Without asking for some cigarette, I turned my head while my hands were hidden inside the jacket’s pockets.

“Why did you bring me here?” I asked dumbly.

Nat shrugged, “I like the serene atmosphere here when it’s dark. And I think it’s the best place for you to bring back your sobriety here. I just love the place” he explained and took a long drag.

I sighed the foggy breath, “Thanks” I simply said.

Nat turned his head to me and scooted nearer to me. I turned to him just to see he offered a small smile to me. We were silent for the longest time ever. While Nat enjoyed his cigarette, I was listening to the cricket’s orchestra and the silent sky where the wind slowly whirred around my ears. The pine trees around us danced around when the wind hit them, and instead of being so eerie, I found the moment so peaceful and what a beautiful sight to bless for what Mother Nature had given to us. The Lake was quite a beautiful sight to see when it’s dark.

Waves after waves hit the loose wooden fence as if it invited me to dunk my legs inside of it and started to swim there. But I held my thoughts since it’s really cold out here, and it must be colder inside the water.

My thoughts were snapped when I realized Nat rubbed my top of head and brought my head to his shoulder. I blushed for a moment when my nose hit his scent. My cheek relied on his warm shoulder as I shut my eyes close. Thank God it’s quite dark so I could hid my reddened face from Nat.

“It’s not good holding back your Mom like that,” I listened to him, “I’m highly sure that Mike is a good person when I talked to him. He’s a nice guy that your Mom needs, Sav” he began.

“But—“

“Your Mom needs love too, and if she’s happy with Mike, I think you should just let her go. Find it out for yourself that Mike is the right guy. Besides he makes his own money, you don’t have to worry he would be a gold-digger, and I’m sure he would bring happiness inside your house after your Dad’s departure”

I stopped my doubts and silently agreed to him. Because I knew, everything was about my fear of being left again. I didn’t object Nat and decided to enjoy his soft voice telling me while his big hand played with my hair. For the longest moment I’ve ever felt this whole time, for the first time, I felt safe and listened.

I lit up my head to him as he stared down to me. I showed my small smile and lowly thanked to him. That’s everything I needed after the messed up. Nat nodded slowly and smiled back to me. His eyes drifted down to my lips and stared it intently before leaning down and cocked his head to press a light jolted kiss on my lips.

From out of nowhere, Nat kissed me again for an unknown reason. Not that I was complaining, but sometimes I found it weird but also happy when he brought his lips on mine, even though I knew that it’s only for meaningless kisses he gave to me.

He brought his slightly freezing hand to cup my cheeks as he started to swallow my lips. What I knew was, Nat had trained his lips well because he moved his lips in right way in my likings that made me enjoy every moment he gave sensation on my lips and through my body. I tried to kiss him back and started to tug on his glorious hair, playing and running through the softness of his brown hair.

Nevertheless, when I heard a click on my head, I pulled away in sudden with the reddest face I could feel burning on my cheeks. He also blushed when he realized that we made out for unknown reason. Although for unknown reason, we made out, I liked it. I liked it a lot.

Nat awkwardly plucked down his cigarette that formerly had dropped on the ground when we started kissing. He stood up in front of me with his uneasy look and burning cheeks.

“Let’s go home,” he said while I didn’t interject to refuse the offer. He swore that he wouldn’t bring me back home.

And when I realized we were on our way back. I was a bit disappointed that I pulled away from our locked lips first, because I wouldn’t lie that I enjoyed it too much. His lips helped me to forget my misery between Mom and Dante. His lips somehow made good to tranquil and clear out my head.

But then, a simple question came through my mind.

I’m not starting to like him, am I?

Between my questions, I figured out that Nat didn’t bring me back to my home but to his house instead. After he parked his Ducati inside the garage, he led me to get inside and met Mrs. McGregor, who was washing the after dinner dishes while she said that Mr. McGregor had hit the sack early.

Nat told his mom that I was gonna stay for the night in Kat’s room. Mrs. McGregor gladly accepted me and offered Nat and I late dinner.

And the magical night ended just like that. Nat brought me to his house and Kat let me sleep next to her again that night. On my way to the dreamland, somehow, my mind was filled with Nat’s intent smile at the lake.