Give up Forever to Touch You

“Just parked up. I’ll be there in five.”

Andie read the message she’d just received from Rhian and slipped her cell back into her pocket before taking Abi out of her bouncer.

“Aunty Rhi will be here soon.” She cooed at the small baby. Since her first visit two weeks previously, Rhian had visited Andie a few times. When she had returned the first time she had admitted telling Jimmy that she’d been to see her. At first Andie was upset, but it didn’t take her long to realise that was being unfair to her best friend. To the one person she had on her side.

Rhian had kept her word too. She’d not told Jimmy where Andie was and neither of them had told Brian about having contact with her.

On hearing a small knock at the door, Andie walked over and opened it finding Rhian stood on the other side with a arm full of bags.

“Hey.” Andie said with a smile, stepping back from the doorway to allow her to enter.

“Hey, how’s my little angel?” Rhian asked quickly placing what she had in her arms on the floor and taking Abi from Andie.

“She’s fine, she’s lifting her head steadily now and is starting to bear her weight on her legs.” She replied proudly.

“Aw, you’re so clever aren’t you? Yes, yes you are?” Rhian replied in a baby voice smiling as Abi smiled back at her.

“What is it about babies that make people talk like idiots hey?” she asked as she turned to face Andie.

“Search me?” Andie replied with a smile. “Coffee?”

“Please. Oh and Jimmy says hi by the way.” She replied as she followed Andie into the small kitchen area.

“Hi Jimmy,” she mocked as she reached for a mug out of the cupboard.

“Although he also said that he would have liked you to have celebrated his birthday with him.” Rhian said quietly.

“I’m sure he had a good time with out Me.” she replied with a smile. “And anyway, even if I was back living in Huntington I still would have Abi to find a baby sitter for.”

“Yeah I guess. I still miss you being around.” She replied with a pout.

“Rhi! Don’t start with the guilt trip. LA is only an hour’s drive.” She replied as there was another knock at the door.

“That’s probably Mrs Henderson from upstairs, she’s such a sweetie” Andie began as she made her way over to the door. “She’s always bringing me some of whatever she’s made for dinner.”

“Oh bless her.” Rhian called back as Andie opened the door.

“Jimmy? Oh my God! What are you doing here?” Andie asked with a smile. “You know Rhian’s here right?”

“Yeah, um listen don’t get mad at her okay, it’s not her fault.” He said quietly, taking a small step into the apartment.

“What isn’t?” Andie asked with confusion, her eyes widening as Brian stepped into the apartment behind him.

She froze to the spot, her mouth hanging open as she stared at Brian. He looked paler and thinner; there was no sign of sparkle in his chocolate brown eyes and no smirk on his thin lips.

“I’m sorry, I had to tell him. He’s had a PI searching for you for fuck’s sake.” Jimmy said breaking the silence.

“Jimmy?” Rhian asked appearing in the small hallway.

“I’m sorry baby.” He replied, sidestepping Andie.

“Brian I’m sorry…” she finally murmured watching as his eyes fell on the tiny baby in Rhian’s arms.

“Can I?” he asked quietly, his eyes not leaving Abi.

“Of course.” She replied just as quietly. He slowly entered the apartment, past Andie and over to Rhian who gently passed Abi to him.

“Oh my God!” he whispered staring at her proudly.

“Come on you, they need some time. You can take me shopping or something.” Rhian said to Jimmy, taking his by the hand and leading him towards the front door.

“We’ll be back later okay.” she said quietly to Andie as they passed.

“She’s beautiful; she’s got my nose.” Brian said still not taking his eye off Abi. “And she’s so much bigger than what she was in the photo Rhian gave me on the day she was born.”

“Brian, I’m sorry I’ve kept her from you.” she began quietly as she walked over to them.

“Can we talk?” he asked finally lifting his eyes to meet hers. She nodded and he followed her to the sofa.

“I was scared Brian. I didn’t know what else to do. You weren’t meant to love me. You were meant to love Michelle.” She began quietly. “I thought that if I left Huntington you’d be able to be happy with her and the kids again.”

“It’s not that easy Andie. I’ve tried so hard to love Michelle instead of you, but I couldn’t. Christmas day I made up my mind. I had to tell Michelle that I was leaving her. I couldn’t live a lie anymore. I wanted to be with you. I knew it was going to break Connor and Ella’s heart but me staying with Michelle when I loved someone else would end up hurting them more in the long run. After the way you reacted in the car that evening, I knew you were scared and I knew that you didn’t want me leaving Michelle for the sake of the kids. But I thought that if I showed you I was serious about how I felt about you then you may be willing to consider us giving things a go.”

Andie was speechless, she had no idea he was this serious about being with her and loving her.

“I was preparing to tell Michelle the night that Rhi and Jimmy came over to tell me that you’d left, with no clue as to where you were. I was heartbroken. I wanted to look for you but I had no idea where to start looking. And then I had to deal with Connor asking questions about why you’d gone, reassuring him that it had nothing to do with him, that you still loved him. I withdrew from everyone, hid in my studio and as you know tried calling you everyday. Then after Rhian showed me the picture of Abi you sent her when she was born I was happy. I had a beautiful baby girl. That’s when I found a PI to try and find you. It was killing me being away from the both of you.”

“Brian I so sorry. I had no idea I was hurting you this much. God! I’ve been so fucking selfish with all of this.” she yelled at herself.

“No, you haven’t. You were trying to protect Michelle and the kids. You thought you were doing the right thing.” He replied calmly as Abi began to grizzle in his arms.

“She’s probably hungry, she’s due a feed.” Andie said.

“Oh, um you better take her then I guess.” Brian replied with a small nod towards her chest.

“Actually I expressed some this morning if you want to give her a bottle.” She replied with a smile.

“I can?” Andie nodded as she stood from the sofa.

“I’ll just go warm it up.”

As she waited for the milk to warm up in the bowl of hot water, Andie watched as Brian comforted his daughter. She had been so naïve. She had never truly believed that Brian loved her. She always had that doubt at the back of her mind that he was only using her, that they were only having fun. Now she realised that he actually did love her.

“Here.” She said simply passing him the bottle. They were both silent as they both watched Abi contently drink her bottle.

“Listen Andie, I’m not expecting you to turn around and declare your love for me, and I can understand why you left Huntington, but I want to be part of Abigail’s life.” He said as he sat her up to wind her.

“Of course. Brian it was never my intention to keep you from Abigail you have to know that. I know I’ve dealt with all of this in a bad way and if I could take it all back I would. I hate that I’ve made you miss the first two months of Abi’s life and I’d do anything to go back to let you be there. But I promise I won’t keep her from you ever again.” she replied.

“Thank you, that means so much to me.” he replied with a smile and a small glimmer of a sparkle returning to his eyes.

“I know it’s not the same, but I’ve taken photos of her every day since she was born if you want to see.” She said with a warm smile.

“Are you kidding me? Of course I want to see.” He replied.

As they looked through the photos of Abigail, Andie also told Brian about her. She filled him in on all the small details that a father should know about his two-month old daughter.

“She lifted her head properly, holding it steady for the first time yesterday.” Andie said proudly as her cell rang on the coffee table.

“Is it safe to come back yet?” Rhian asked.

“Yeah, come back whenever you’re ready.” She replied with a small chuckle.

“Okay, we’ll be there in about ten minutes.” She said before hanging up.

“They wanted to check that it was safe to come back.” She explained to Brian.

“What? Did they think we’d do to each other?” he asked with a chuckle.

“I don’t know, I mean, surly they’re the ones I would be mad at for telling you where I was?” she replied.

“Are you mad?” he asked.

“No, I’m not. I’m actually relieved.” She replied honestly. “I’ve been so alone and scared for the past three months. After Rhian told me that Michelle had kicked you out I wanted to answer your calls. But I just couldn’t do it.”

“I would have been so happy if you’d answered.” He whispered.

“I was scared that you’d hate me for leaving, for keeping Abi away from you.” she replied quietly.

“Baby, I could never hate you. I love you.” he replied leaning closer and pressing his lips to hers.

“Baby steps Bri.” She said pushing him gently backwards.

“Sorry.” He replied blushing.

“I’m going to need time.” She replied as there was a knock at the door.

“Okay. Baby steps.” He replied as she stood and went to answer the door.

“Hey guys.” She said with a smile as she let Rhian and Jimmy into the apartment.

“And, I’m sorry. I had to tell him, I hope you’re not mad.” Jimmy said as she closed the door behind them.

“No, I’m not mad. If anything Jimmy, I should thank you. I was fooling myself thinking that I could hide away from you all forever.” She replied pulling him into a hug.

“So does this mean that you two have sorted stuff out?” Rhian asked.

“We’ve made a start. I’ve told Brian he can come and see Abi whenever he wants.” Andie replied.

“You know, you could make things easier if you just moved back.” Rhian said.

“But I haven’t got anywhere to live.” She replied,

“Of course you fucking have! You know you can always stay at mine.” Rhian replied.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Of course I am you fool! You were going to be living there anyway weren’t you?” she replied.
Andie took a deep breath, looking at the three people in front of her, all wanting her to move back to Huntington.

“Okay, I’ll call my landlord tomorrow, tell him I’ll be moving out!” she replied.

“Yes!” Rhian screeched happily as she pulled her into a hug.

“Awesome, now how about we all go grab something to eat to celebrate, cos I’m starving!” Jimmy yelled.

“Sounds good to me, I’m just going to need five to get Abi sorted.” Andie replied with a smile.