I Don't Believe in Anything but I Believe in You

Slowly slipping in through the window, the morning sun warmed my skin while the silence of the Manhattan apartment I used to share with Gabe brought a comfort to me that my Penthouse hotel suite doesn’t. Next to me, I could hear Gabe breathing but didn’t feel him, he was on his back while I laid on my side with my back facing him. Last night, it felt good to be with Gabe again but it was wrong, I know it was wrong but it didn’t feel wrong.

“I should probably leave before the boys wake up,” I whispered, knowing Gabe was awake just by the way he was breathing and the way he’d sigh stressfully every few minutes.

“Yeah,” He agreed, his voice deep and dry, “We don’t want to confuse them anymore than they already are.”

“Yeah,” I nodded before sitting up, keeping my back facing him while I just sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, “I have a few days off,” I whispered to Gabe, “Could you keep the boys a little longer?” I questioned, “Instead of bringing them by tomorrow?”

“Sure,”

“Ok, thank you.” I then stood up and began to get dressed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gabe get out of bed and pull on a pair of PJ pants, not bothering with any underwear. Running his fingers through his thick, curly hair he looked around the room we used to share before frowning softly, “Is there anything you’d like to take?” He wondered, “I think I’m going to start packing up today.”

“I took everything I wanted when I moved out,” I insisted.

“Just wondering,” He assured me before leaving the bedroom as quietly as he could, careful not to make much noise because both our boys are fairly light sleepers this early in the morning, the slightest sound will have at least one of them awake and they cannot stand to let the other brother sleep in if one of them is awake.

Once I was fully dressed, I walked out of the bedroom and out into the living room where I grabbed my keys from the coffee table. Standing at the window he was staring out last night, Gabe watching the sunrise with watery eyes but he didn’t dare let a single tear fall, not in front of me at least. Walking over to him, I lightly placed a soft kiss on the back of his bare shoulder, “You’re single, Gabriel, have fun with it.” I demanded but as I spoke those words, my heart broke.

He said nothing, he didn’t shrug his shoulders he just continued to stare at the sunrise. I kissed him once again before walking to the front door, “Don’t take him to our spot,” Gabe said simply.

“What?” I frowned slightly.

“The kid, I know that look in your eye, you’re wanting out of the City, just for a little bit … just don’t take him to our spot.” He demanded, “We may not have each other anymore but at least we’ll still have Miami,” He cleared his throat, “And Tahiti, right?”

I nodded, “Right,” I opened the front door, “And I wasn’t thinking tropical, I was thinking seclusion.” I admitted, “And the kid has a name.”

“Tell Carter he’s a lucky guy.”

“Good Bye, Gabriel.”

“See you later, Kacie.”

I closed the front door and just as I closed it, I realized I forgot my jacket but knew better than to open the door again because right now, Gabe is still standing in that same spot by the window but his cheeks are drenched with tears and I don’t feel strong enough to deal with his tears.

On my way back to my place, I decided to take a detour and stop by Carter’s apartment just to tell him good morning and see if he wanted to take a little trip with me. At his front door, I went to knock but it opened before I had the chance to knock, “Babe,” Carter said with a surprised look on his face, “What are you doing here?” he wondered, “I was just on my way over, I was going to surprise you with breakfast.’ He studied me, “Since when do you wake up this early on your day off?”

I frowned a little bit, “Why are you up?” I questioned, “You didn’t go out last night?”

He smiled, “No, I stopped for some food then I came here, like I told you I was going to.” He took a step to the side and held his arm out, “Do you want to go through everything, smell my sheets to make sure a girl wasn’t here?” He wondered, “Look in my trash to make sure there isn’t a used condom in there?” He went on.

“Carter,” I whispered.

He rolled his eyes, “Sorry, it’s just … when I tell you I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it.” He assured me, “I’m not Gabe.”

I walked into his apartment, “I know,” I nodded my head.

Shutting his front door and locking it, he tossed his keys in to the little dish by the door before taking his jacket off, “So, you look like shit.” He informed me, “Rough night?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “You can say that,” I turned around and studied him, “Can I ask you something and you be completely honest with me?”

“Yes,”

“You’re twenty one, why are you with me?” I questioned, “A twenty seven year old divorcee with twins.”

“Because, I love you,” He informed me, “It was love at first sight. When I was at the lounge in the hotel, I was not looking for love, I wasn’t even wanting to settle down. I had a hangover, actually it wasn’t even a hangover, I still piss drunk and I was going to continue to drink just for the hell of it but you came in and I don’t know, I fell.” He ran his fingers through his short, light brown hair, “This past year, I’ve been through hell with you. There were times when I thought to myself, ‘Why am I here? Why am I doing this?’ then I would say a stupid joke that no one would laugh at but you would and it would be genuine, and I reminded myself that things will get better because if they weren’t going to, you would never let me be around your boys, you wouldn’t have let them get attached to me.”

I stared into his eyes and smiled softly, “I saw him last night,” I blurted before I could control myself.

“I know, I’m not stupid,” He shrugged, “Plus, you smell like men’s cologne.” He pointed out, “Did you say goodbye?” He asked.

I nodded, “When I say I saw him…”

“Don’t say it out loud,” Carter begged, “I know what you did,” He nodded his head, “But is that it?” He wondered, “Was last night the last night?”

Standing in his living room, I eyed Carter’s loving face then nodded, honestly wanting to make this relationship work. I do love Carter, he was my rock when I needed him to be and now that I’m ready to move on, I can accept the fact that I do, in fact, love the guy. Closing the gap between us, Carter took my face between his hands and lovingly kissed my lips, “I know I’m not perfect, I know I’m still young and naïve and I don’t know a lot of the little things that Gabe did but you have to work with me.” He ordered, “When we have sex and I’m not doing it for you, tell me what to do, I won’t get mad, in fact I actually want you to tell me what to do. I want to know where you’re most ticklish and why you won’t eat skittles or M&M’s without separating them by color first, I want to know all of this.”

I smiled, “Ok,” I agreed, “First thing you should know is,” I paused for a moment, “I prefer to be kissed good morning and good night on my forehead or my cheek or even my temple.” I blushed, “Or when I had a bad day at work, I like to have a gentle kiss on my forehead or if it’s a just because kiss, I prefer it on my cheek or forehead.”

“See,” He smiled at me, “I’ve been doing that wrong this entire time,” He laughed lightly then lovingly kissed my forehead.

I closed my eyes, “And I separate my candy by color because I don’t like it when the flavors mix," I paused, “And maybe because I’m a little OCD when it comes to that.”

“It’s that simple, huh?”

“It’s that simple,” I confirmed.

He backed away from me and motioned his head down the hall, “Why don’t you go take a shower, put on one of my shirts and get into bed, I’ll make you some breakfast and then we can have a lazy day, deal?”

I nodded, “Deal,”

Carter ran his hand through my hair and studied me, “And maybe you can give me a crash course lesson on how to properly have sex with you.”

I grin, “That sounds nice.”

“It does,” He agreed, “And ignore the mess in my bedroom, my Mom Fed-Exed me a bunch of crap from my old room upstate, apparently she thought I needed all of my childhood mementos here in the big city. I opened up a lot of the boxes but just haven't gone through it all yet.”

“Does your Mom know we’re together?”

Carter smiled at me, “She knows I’m seeing a girl name Kacie but that’s it, I didn’t want to really tell her about you until I knew I had you for sure.”

“Well, you have me.” I grinned.

“I know that now.”

“I’m going to go take a shower then touch your things in your room,” I teased, “Hurry up with breakfast,”

“I’m going,” He insisted then disappeared into the kitchen.

I laughed quietly while making my way into his bedroom, know that this is the brand new start of the rest of my life.