Have We Gone Too Far?

Cole dropped me off a few blocks away from school so that we weren’t seen together. The only problem was that a few blocks was a few blocks too many and I ended up twenty minutes late for form. I knew I was going to be late but I planned to only miss like five minutes or something.

“Wait outside Mr. Mondale,” Mr. Baker shouted at me when I barged in late.

I know he’s like my favourite teacher but he can be a real pain at times. I missed twenty minutes and he yells and shouts. Yet I missed the whole thing yesterday and he acted like he didn’t care. What’s changed since then? Crap! He saw me and Cole kiss and he thinks I came onto him doesn’t he. Man, he’s not yelling because I'm late, it’s because he wants to know what’s going on. It’s okay Zack, just calm down. Just tell him the truth. Well, not the truth truth but the truth, if you know what I mean.

“You’re late,” he shouted when he walked out to see me.

“Sorry sir.”

“Do I get an explanation?”

“I just forgot to set my alarm.”

I'm crafty because I don’t even have an alarm. Most people do so it’s pretty unlikely he’ll question me over having one or not.

“Again?” he asked. “You’ve used that excuse a few times now.”

“I'm a pretty forgetful guy,” I smiled at him.

“Zack, can you stay behind at the end?” he asked in a soft voice. “We need to talk about Mr. Sanders.”

“I’d rather not if you don’t mind,” I grunted, knowing that I need to act embarrassed about kissing him, even though the only part I regret is getting caught.

“You can’t be gay,” he sighed.

“What’s that meant to mean?”

What gives him the right to say I can’t be gay? I can be what I want to be and I don’t care what he thinks.

“I know you too well Zack. You’re not gay.”

“Yes I am,” I admitted.

Wow, I can’t believe I said it again. I sounded so confident as well. Cole is doing so much good for me. Without him I’d never have been able to admit that.

“I'm gay, okay?” I whispered just in case anyone in the classroom heard.

“Right then,” he muttered.

“What?”

“You’ll have to change in my office; I'm sure the other boys wouldn't want you watching them.”

“That’s not fair,” I grunted. “There are other guys in our PE who like guys and they don’t have to change in your office.”

“That’s because they know how to control themselves, unlike you.”

“I can control myself!”

“So why were you all over poor Mr. Sanders? I thought you said you couldn’t help it,” he said sternly. “Look I'm not being mean, I'm just worried that you’ll end up kissing someone in class because you can’t control yourself and then no one will treat you the same.”

I stared at him for a moment and realized he was right. I knew I wouldn't kiss anyone in my PE but if I ever did everything would be over for me.

“I’ll change in your office then,” I mumbled.

“Good boy.”

Good boy? What the hell?

When we walked back in people stopped their conversations straight away and the room fell silent as everyone’s eyes turned to me. I'm the centre of attention again, great.

I took my seat next to Kyle but we didn’t speak to each other because of the whole Ellie thing so it was a really boring form and I knew it would just be the start of a very long day.

***
At lunch I caught up with Beth and we had a bit of a talk without any of the other guys listening in. It was a really great talk but she didn’t mention anything about getting raped or the guy who did it. Even though I really want her to tell me, part of me doesn’t because I knew I’ll spill out the fact that I've been through it too. And the truth is I don’t want anyone to know about that, so I understand why she doesn’t want to tell me.

“So, what did you and Jake do last night?” she asked, changing from the topic we were on because she could see some nosy year nine girls approaching us.

“Not much. We talked and stuff.”

“You surprise me sometimes Zack,” she giggled.

“What?”

“We talked and stuff,” she giggled trying to do my accent. “You’re the only male who has ever answered me like that.”

I shook my head at her, completely understanding what she was getting at. But I knew Jay wouldn't have told her anything so she was just stating a fact. Not many guys say they just talked, simple.

“So, what did you do last night?” I asked.

Her face dropped and she started to look really upset. Something’s happened.

“What happened?” I asked softly. “You can tell me. I’ll help,” I promised her.

“Nothing happened,” she sighed. “I just hanged around with Kyle.”

“He didn’t mention it,” I said, knowing that that wasn't the problem.

“Well, you two aren’t on speaking terms right now, are you?”

I nodded lightly at her then starting to look for Ky. I wasn't surprised when I saw him sitting over with Jake and Ellie but I have no idea how he can do it though. He slept with his best mate’s girlfriend and now he’s acting like it never happened.

I noticed the little looks they were giving each other. Ellie was clearly trying to make him jealous and it was definitely working. Kyle obviously wanted her; I can only hope that he’ll stay strong for the sake of our friendship.

“Did he tell you why we’re not speaking?” I asked her.

“He said it was personal,” she grinned and then pulled a puppy dog face.

“I'm not going to tell you,” I whispered into her ear before standing up and heading over to everyone else.

At first I just sat there and listened to their conversation, I tried to get involved but I didn’t really find the topic that interesting. So I lay down in the sun just behind them and closed my eyes.

The last person I looked at before I shut my eyes was Beth and I had a feeling that was what caused the visions of the night I was attacked to flood back at me.

It was a really dark night and I’d been out in this club that I shouldn’t have been in and I started mixing with the wrong guys. They gave me drugs and, quite honestly I took them without thinking twice. I know I was drunk but even if I wasn't I would have took them because drugs use to be a way for me to escape from the real world and just feel free.

When I left I was in a right state. Pretty drunk and still recovering from my high and of course I was alone. To get home I had to walk passed this alleyway and even before I was near it I was petrified. My heart almost stopped when some guy jumped me from behind and pulled me into the darkness. All I remember was his sharp face and hard cold bald head. I sometimes vision the man in my head but that just makes me scared because every time I see a bald guy I think that it’s him and that he’s going to hurt me again. I let my thoughts whizz around my head for a moment but then I heard something. Someone was crying.

One of my eyes cracked open as I looked at everyone around me. None of them seemed to have noticed it; then again, maybe they just didn’t care. Then again we’re not the sort of people who interfere with everyone’s lives, we generally only care about the people in our click. It’s nice that way and I like it that way. We keep to ourselves and only bother others when we have to.

When I heard the cry again I stood up and walked around the corner to where I thought the noise was coming from. As I got closer I started hearing shouting and cheering which was far louder than the cries, yet for some reason I couldn’t hear them over there.

I turned the corner and saw Miranda and her gang beating on Liza. Why are some girls so cruel? I looked and saw a crowd surrounding them and cheering them on. Why would you hurt Liza? She’s like the most innocent person in the entire school, even if she does cling onto me and wear way too much makeup at times.

As I pushed my way through the crowd I scared off some of the people (People fear me at school, well, sometimes) and tried to calm down the situation.

“What the hell are you doing Miranda?” I asked when I was mixed in with the crowd still but just behind her and her mates.

“Hey Zack,” she grinned, turning to face me. “I’m just taking care of something.”

“Leave her alone,” I grunted.

“Why? She’s such a loser,” she hissed making her gang laugh along with her.

“’Randa, I think he has a crush on her,” one of them joked but I just ignored them.

My heart sank once they were all facing me because I could clearly see Liza on the floor now, curled up in a ball to protect herself. I felt like such a jerk for blancking her out last time I saw her. Why am I so mean?

“Just get lost, alright?”

“Or what? You’ll try and hit me again?” Miranda hissed at me stepping closer. “Go on, hit me!” she shouted.

I hated how she knew exactly what buttons to push on me. I’d never hit her, I’d want to but in the end I wouldn't do it. I'm the bigger person and I'm going to avoid any kind of violence for a while.

“Do you know how pathetic you look Miranda?”

She slapped me.

“Come on! Hit me!”

“Drop dead,” I mumbled as I pushed her out of my way and went to check on Liza.

I put my arm around her and whispered that everything was going to be okay.

“Aww, look at the love birds,” Miranda cooed. “God Zacky I thought you had better taste than that!”

I just ignored all of the comments that they made. I simply didn’t care anymore. I'm a better person now and I'm not going to leave Liza like this and I'm definitely not letting them do that to her again.

When everyone walked away she lifted her head out of her arms and looked at me.

“Thanks,” she sniffed.

I looked down at her face and saw that her makeup had smudged badly and her mascara was running down her face. She looked a mess and right now I can’t blame her for it. She hasn’t just been beat up, she’s been embarrassed in front of almost everyone. Plus she has a crush on me and I had to be the one to save her, didn’t I. Awkward.

“It’s alright,” I said as I moved the hair that was stuck to her face with tears behind her ear.

She pulled herself closer to me and my heart started racing. Calm down, she only wants to know I'm here, that’s it. Liza respects you and she’d never do anything you don’t want her to.

“You think I'm a loser, don’t you?” she sniffed into my chest.

“No, you’re not a loser. You’re great the way you are Liza and you shouldn’t listen to what anyone else says.”

“You didn’t say I wasn't a loser before,” she sobbed.

She was right; when everyone was here I didn’t have the balls to say that. What’s wrong with me?

“I'm sorry,” I whispered.

“Zack,” she whispered. “You know you didn’t get me a gift for my party?”

“Sorry,” I whispered again.

“This’ll make up for it,” she said as she pushed her lips against mine.

Before I managed to push her off, the one person who I didn’t want to see me like this walked past. His eyes widened for a moment to make sure that it was me and then he stormed off with tears in his eyes.

What have I done? I need to explain to him. I can’t let this ruin things between me and Cole. I then realized that my lips were still locked with hers so I quickly pushed her off me.

“What was that?” I asked sounding really angry.

“God, I'm sorry. I thought...”

“Look, forget about it,” I hissed as I jumped up and ran in the direction that Cole stormed off in.

I need to explain!