Inside of You

John and I spent the whole day at the park three blocks away from my house. We used to hang around there a lot when we were in high school. Whenever we cut class, this was the place we would go to and our parents would never find out. No one we knew went to that park so it was more or less a place where we could be kids just playing around. Today we relived those high school memories and slid down the slides and swung in the swings. We even played on the seesaw for quite some time. And as part of tradition, at the end of the day, we got ice cream.

I loved how we still lived like nothing changed and that we were still the same. It was like reviving each memory in the past and living like it never happened before. It was sad though that the sun was about to set in a few hours and that I had to get back home.

“Thank you so much for today,” I said wrapping my arms tightly around him as we reached the front door of my house.

“Anything to keep you happy,” he replied and I rolled my eyes at how cheesy that sounded.

“You are such a lame loser,” I laughed nudging him playfully in the chest.

He chuckled as he kept his eyes locked in mine. “But I’m your lame loser,” he said stroking my cheek. I smiled at him sweetly as he leaned down to kiss me.

“The guys are coming over to my place a little later,” he told me after we pulled apart.

“I’ll swing by later,” I said winking at him as his smile grew wider.

He ran across the lawn and went into his house as I got into mine but as soon as I opened the front door, I wish I hadn’t. Aunt Em and Andy were having a screaming contest. Oh dear I wonder what’ll happen now.

I don’t understand why the hell she’s neglecting everyone around her. It would be irrational if she set her mind into thinking that no one could comprehend what’s going on in her mind because she hasn’t even tried talking to any of us yet. Maybe she talked to some of the guys but she definitely hasn’t talked to me about what she was feeling and I felt really bad that she didn’t open up to me.

“What do you mean she left you? She was here before your mother passed away.” Aunt Em tried to keep herself calm but the irritation in her voice was quite evident.

I guess I could just stay here for a while since they didn’t really notice me coming in here. Luckily there was a wall between the foyer and the living room. If that wasn’t present, they would’ve stopped and I would never get to hear my sister speak her mind.

“But she wasn’t here when Mom was struggling! She wasn’t here to take care of her!” Andy shouted back at her. Her voice didn’t stutter but she was crying harshly. She took in deep breaths every now and then. Fortunately though, Aunt Em was never one who would sympathize you when you cried while you were having some kind of argument. Maybe she’d feel bad but she wouldn’t stop trying to argue with you until she made some kind of point or she shared her ideas and such.

“It’s not her fault that she had to find herself somewhere. We all have that moment where we just need to recollect and discover where we are in this world and if what we’re doing is right. She had to get away for a while because she needed to do just that,” I can’t believe Aunt Em went that far to defend me. But then again there might’ve been some things that Andy had said before they reached to this point of the conversation.

“So she has some fucking problems. Well so do I but you don’t see me abandoning my mother to go to New York to slack off and be a whore!” Andy said frustratedly. I could just picture her throwing her hands up in frustration. What she said hurt but I had to suck it up. Sobbing never did anyone any good so why would I be an exception?

“Andrea Mackenzie Harper, watch your language and the way you talk about your sister!” Aunt Em scolded as motherly as can be.

By now, I was trembling. I heard cars pull up the driveway but I had no intention to just head out and run to John’s house to get away from all of this. I had to hear this no matter how much in hurt and killed me inside.

“What do you mean sister? How can I call her that when she took away the man I saw myself with in my dreams? How can you say that she’s someone I can trust when she broke me apart and made me think that I had a shot with him when she went away for a year? I mean I was happy to have her back but I wasn’t expecting her to rip me apart by taking John away from me!” This was a moment that called for an outburst or something but I couldn’t even bring myself to speak for once. For a very social person, this had my mouth shut.

She liked John? She wanted to be with him? She saw herself with him? She dreamed about him? She had feelings for him? What else didn’t I know about? Was I missing something? Didn’t she know that we had some kind of history? Wasn’t she the one who told me that he still had feelings for me and told me to go for him? Was this some kind of twisted game? Was this all a lie? Was she just telling lies to Aunt Em to avoid confrontation?

“So you’re mad at her for being with someone she’s had feelings for since the O’Callaghans moved in here? You knew for a fact that they would be together and now you’re mad at her for fulfilling everyone’s expectations? Honey there are so many more fishes in the sea for you and you have the rest of your life to find the right one for you,” Aunt Em spoke in a soothing voice.

“I just thought he was the one. When he talked to me he gave me those weird tingly feelings and I just…” Andy trailed off. She sighed heavily and the silence consumed most of their surroundings.

“Andy, I know that sometimes things like this can be confusing but Olivia needs you right now and I know deep inside that you need her too no matter how much you try to deny it. You two have always been inseparable and it would be heartbreaking to see you two shunning each other away. So stop being so stubborn and tell her you’re sorry when she comes back home,” Too late, I’m already here and I’m not sure I can forgive her fully now.

“You won’t tell her about this will you?” she asked calmer now.

“Of course I won’t,” I can’t believe this. They were actually planning to keep this all away from me.I can’t believe I live with a house full of liars.