Inside of You

“Go on and talk to her,” John whispered into my ear. “I’ll be waiting in my house,” he said before kissing my cheek and walking past Andy out the door.

I sighed as I nodded at him. I watched him leave before turning my attention to Andy who had her hands behind her back. She was looking at the floor so I cleared my throat to get her attention.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked her trying to sound calm but it came out somewhat harsh. Guilt washed over across her face and I watched as the tears started slipping from her eyes. Water works wouldn’t work on me and if she thought they did then she thought wrong.

“I’m so sorry about everything,” she started to say. The rest of her speech was pretty predictable. She said sorry for saying crap about me and talking shit behind my back and being a complete bitch to me after Mom died even if she knew I was hurting. I expected it all from her and I wanted to hear one more reason for her apologies but it never came out of her mouth.

I nodded when I needed to but tuned the rest of her words out. I didn’t want to hear it because I didn’t know if I was supposed to believe her or not. She lost my trust and I don’t think she’ll be able to work hard enough to get it back. You might think I’m a total softy but just so you know, I can hold a grudge against you for as long as you live no matter what good things you do to me. But if you do however prove me wrong and earn it back then lucky you, I guess.

“Will you ever forgive me?” she asked me and I just wanted to scream in her face and tell her ‘no’ but that would be totally irrational and irrationality is not what we need right now.

“Yeah,” I said just above a whisper as I shot her the best fake smile I could come up with and guess what? She bought it. “You should go get some rest. It looks like your eyes are gonna shut themselves if you don’t,” I told her.

She pulled me into a hug and cried into me. “Thank you,” she said in between sobs and I rubbed her back up and down before letting go and leading her to her room.

She got in and I hurried out the door and to John’s place. I wanted to get away from that place. I felt so bad about lying but what else could I have done? I mean I can’t just keep pretending that everything’s fine so I guess if I stay somewhere else, I’ll be lying less.

“Olivia!” Pat called out as soon as he saw me come in through the front door.

He ran towards me and pulled me into a bear hug. “Hey Pat,” I finally said after giggling.

“I missed you so much,” he slurred.

“I think you’re drunk,” I told him as he let go of me.

He faked a gasp and placed a hand on his chest. “I’m a good boy!” he exclaimed and started running into the kitchen screaming, “Garrett! Olivia said that she thought I was drunk!” he yelled at the top of his lungs.

I laughed as I walked into the living room and saw Kennedy and Jared passed out on the couch. Well, Jared was on the couch and Kennedy was on the floor but his legs were on top of Jared’s which were on the couch so I guess part of him was still on the couch, or not.

“Olivia’s here?” Garrett asked in deep wonder as he emerged from the kitchen. I turned to look at him with a smile as he walked towards me and pulled me into a hug. “Are you okay now?” he asked me and I pulled back a little to look at him.

“What do you mean?” I asked and he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t play dumb with me. I know what happened with Andy. John was kind enough to give us a newsflash,” he said and I laughed.

“Speaking of, where is John?” I asked and Garrett’s smile faltered a bit but I sorta shrugged it off.

“Right here, babe,” John chimed in coming down from the stairs. I smiled at him as I walked towards him and planted a kiss on his lips. “Whoa, what was that for?” he asked clearly a little tipsy but I knew he knew how to hold his alcohol. He’s been doing quite well for years.

“For being there for me when I needed you most,” I said wrapping my arms around him. He smiled down at me and kissed me back.

“Ew!” I heard Pat exclaim but I couldn’t really care less about what he thought about what we were doing. He and I liked each other and there was nothing he could do about it.

I smiled as I broke away and winked at him. I left for the kitchen and grabbed myself a beer. Pat and John were bickering about something stupid while Garrett followed me in. He looked worried.

“Garrett, I’m fine,” I told him after downing quite a big amount of alcohol. “Stop worrying about me,” I said smiling at him as his lips formed a straight line across his face.

“How can I not worry about you?” he asked me and I rolled my eyes and matched it with a sigh.

“I don’t know,” I said finishing the beer. “But if you keep worrying, you’ll be doing John’s job for him,” I laughed. Great, one beer and I was already feeling tipsy.

“Yeah, and no one would want to do that because John’s the only one who can worry about you,” Garrett said sarcastically as he shook his head.

It didn’t seem like he was joking. Was he actually serious about the whole thing?

“Garrett,” I said going around the island counter as I placed my bottle on its top. “You care too much about me and I think it’s holding you back a bit.” I told him.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked with an eyebrow raised.

“I mean I think you should find a girl for yourself so you can show all the wonderful things you hold inside of you,” I told him with a big, bright encouraging smile.

“Whatever,” he said turning away from me and walking to the back porch.
I stared after him as he stalked off into the dark. Did I say something that hurt him in a way?

“Hey, what’re you doing here alone?” John asked and I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him as I tried to hide my bewildered expression.

“Nothing,” I said. “Hey, can I crash here tonight? I don’t really want to have to go back home,” I told him.

“Anything for you,” he said as he kissed my forehead and led me upstairs.

We settled on a movie to make the time pass but it was pointless since we ended up just making out and not minding it at all. I didn’t even know what movie he played but I was too preoccupied by his lips touching mine and my thoughts to stop and look at the screen.

My thoughts were too much to handle. I didn’t know why my brain stopped to dwell on what happened between Garrett and me in the kitchen.Did he seriously have a problem with me?