Inside of You

“John! What the hell?” I asked rushing to Adam’s side.

John didn’t seem one bit pleased or amused about what he saw me do. What did he expect? That I would run to him and gush about how strong he was? That fighting with him was unbearable and I can’t think straight when I am in bad terms with him? Well maybe I wanted to tell him that fighting with him was wrong but now was not the time. He also didn’t have the right to go punch anyone in the face. The guy hardly harmed him in any way. He didn’t deserve it.

John just kept quiet and stared at me. I didn’t notice before but suddenly, everyone was looking at us. The tension was only going higher and John just standing there wasn’t helping at all. I’ve been embarrassed enough already but he didn’t seem to think so. I wonder though, what was running through his head? Was he jealous? Was that way he punched Adam like that? Did he think I moved on already? Why wasn’t he ashamed about what he did?

No one seemed to be moving and Adam was out. I was going to call an ambulance when I remembered that I forgot my phone. So, I went ahead and grabbed Adam’s from his front pocket.

“What are you doing? Feeling him up so that he’d get up?” Did he just say that in public and in a really loud voice?

“What the fuck is your problem, John?” I asked getting up earning even more stares from outside the store.

“Hey, you two!” said the barista, “It’s either shut the fuck up or get the fuck out of here. No one wants your drama,” he hopped over the counter and got right in front of John and me.

John just left without another word. He’s so full of himself that it gets me so pissed. I bit my lip as I tried to hold back my tears. I leaned down and tried to get Adam up but the barista put up a hand signalling me to wait. Everyone started to mind their own business the second John left the door.

The barista came back with a big cup of ice and poured it over Adam. He jolted back to life and held back the cursing that was about to erupt from his lips. I looked at him with a sad smile as he touched the sore part of his face. I grabbed an ice from the floor and grabbed the hanky inside my bag and wrapped the ice in it and held it up to his face.

“Thanks,” I told the barista. “For the ice, I mean,”

“Sure,” the barista said. “Anything to keep things in order here,” he went back to work as I helped Adam up on the chair.

“Here, let me get that,” I said placing the ice on his cheek. He winced a little and I jumped back a little. “I’m sorry, did that hurt?” I asked nervously.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said taking the hanky-wrapped ice from me and applying it on himself wincing every now and then. “Boy, that guy sure could pack a punch,”

“I’m sorry about him, by the way,” I told him. “I don’t know what got into him.”

“It wasn’t your fault, I’m sure,” he told me.

I smiled half-heartedly as I watched him try to heal himself. It was all silent for a while and I really wanted to strike up a conversation but I couldn’t really think of something to talk about. I used to always know what to talk about but after what happened, I guess I’m still in both shame and shock and that’s hard to get rid of to be honest.

“So who was that guy?” he asked thankfully breaking the ice.

“That was John,” I told him shamefully as I toyed with the salt and pepper shakers.

“Oh, that was John?” he sounded surprised. He should be I mean after what happened I’m sure he wouldn’t think positively about him. I mean I told him about the whole I-liked-him-but-he’s-whoring-around-a-lot thing and well he’s been asking me repeatedly to set up a date so he could spar with John and I always told him that it was fine – and it was – but he always told me that it wasn’t. I guess he was right.

“Yeah,” I said, “I guess you won’t be changing your mind about him, then?”

“After everything he’s done to you?” he said, “I don’t think so,”

So now he has a grudge against John. Well done, Olivia, you’re making everyone hate each other and you’re getting caught up in all of it. I should really give myself a pat on the shoulder. Maybe then I’d feel better.

I can’t believe I’m actually going against myself. I’m fighting with myself and that’s so weird but I guess it’s what I need right now. Fuck that, I don’t even know what I need anymore. This is so fucked up.

“Hey, you okay?” he said shifting in his seat. He leaned in closer and placed the ice down. The spot was starting to discolour. I felt so bad about it.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” I replied and pointed to a spot on my cheek telling to have it checked out without having to actually say it.

“Do you have a mirror?” he asked and I nodded as I reached in my bag to retrieve my compact mirror.

“Here,” I said opening it up and facing the mirror his way.

He made a face and then checked his watch as if remembering something. “Hey, it was really nice catching up with you but apparently, I have to go.”

“Oh, um, yeah, sure,” I stumbled over the words that came out of my mouth. I mean was I about to lose someone else too?

“Hey, it’s not like I’m gonna be gone forever,” he told me. “Do you still live in the same address?”

“Yeah,” I smiled as I realized that maybe this would reconnect us. He’s a friend – someone that I really need right now.

“Okay then, what about your number?” he asked taking his phone out of his pocket.

“Um, I sorta threw my phone in the trash today,” I said embarrassingly as he laughed.

“What did you do that for?” he asked getting up and taking my hanky. “I’ll have this washed before I give it back to you,”

“It’s fine-”

“No, it’s not,” he said with a smile. “And plus, if I give it back now, I won’t have a reason to go and visit your house,” he said sweetly as I smirked. At least he knew how to make me feel a tad bit better.

“Okay fine,” I said. “And about my phone, um, that guy who you-know-what-ed me sorta reached me for some reason and I got scared so I just threw away the only connection he had with me,”

“Oh, I’m sorry I asked,” he said sincerely as he checked his watch again. “Well I guess I can reschedule with my client-”

“What, no, it’s fine. I’ll be fine,” I lied. I didn’t want to distract him from his job – his source of money. I wasn’t worth his time.

“Olivia, you’re in a really fragile state right now and company is what you need,” he told me.

“But John lives right next door,” I reminded him.

He rolled his eyes and smirked. “I’ll be ready for him, don’t worry.”

I just stared at him for a while before making my decision. I did need company right now and Andy couldn’t give me that. Garrett couldn’t either. I’m sure Aunt Catherine wasn’t home. It was a pretty easy decision but what about him? I mean he has a life too. He shouldn’t waste it on me especially after what happened but then again, he’s the only friend I have left.

“Okay,” I said getting up and heading out with Adam.

I just hope nothing else goes wrong with him. He’s the only one I have left.He’s my only hope.