Never Regret

Ever since that fateful night, I hadn’t spoken a word to my bandmates. For over a week and a half, the only interaction we’ve had is rehearsals and the gig in Seattle, Washington, just like I said. I’m so furious at them for what they did. They betrayed my trust by getting me drunk to ‘confess’ my feelings instead of celebrating my birthday and it’ll be hard for me to forgive them. What hurt the most is the fact they’re meant to be my best friends. They know full well why I guard my heart and my feelings so much, yet they disregard it completely. So I have no reason to talk to them.

I haven’t talked to anyone from any of the other buses either. They probably all know what happened by now anyway. I’ve had calls from Michael, Adam and Nate, but I haven’t answered any of them. Pete’s been on our bus to check that I haven’t died, but I just said that I’m ‘having a few issues’ at the moment, so he seemed to drop it.

Today is the end of September, the last day of our third month on tour. We’re in Portland, Oregon, and it’s not that sunny but it’s not cold either, so I’ve decided to head into the venue to check that my acoustic guitar has been placed in the racks. Tonight our cover song is acoustic, so I’ll need it.

But I stopped walking as I reached a dark corner, hearing familiar voices in a heated discussion. Pete, Logan, Reece and JC. What’s going on?

“All I’m saying is that if Mack doesn’t pull her shit together then maybe you should consider replacing her,” Pete retorted.

My jaw dropped. What the fuck?!

“We’re not dropping our best friend just because she’s going through some issues at the moment,” JC said firmly.

“Mack hasn’t attended any interviews, any signings or any radio shows for over a week – that’s two venues! The label are running out of patience, I’m sorry,” Pete insisted.

“What are you saying?” Logan said shortly.

Pete sighed, running his fingers through his dark fringe.

“If you won’t replace Mack and she still doesn’t get back to normal asap, then I’m not sure how long the rest of the board are willing to hold onto your contract. I pulled a lot of strings to get you this gig, so I’m really sorry, I know how much talent and passion you guys have for this and I admire you – but we need bands that are all going to work for it, especially on important tours like this,” Pete said sympathetically.

My hands flew to my mouth as Pete walked away, leaving my bandmates in a shocked circle.

“What the fuck do we do now?” Reece whimpered.

“I don’t know,” Logan whispered, running a weary hand over his face.

I bit my bottom lip, backing away down the corridor. My own problems with people at the moment are not worthy of getting my best friends’ dreams taken away from them. And as much as I rely on my career to support Jasmine, performing on stage is what I love. Being able to have fun every single day with my best friends is the most important thing in my life, and I can’t lose that.

I know what I have to do.

*

“Hello Portland, Oregon!” JC whooped, grinning wildly.

I smiled slightly as we got cheers, calls and screams back.

“We’ve decided to slow it down for you guys tonight, because we found a song to cover that all of us love. And it means y’all get to hear Mack’s amazing singing voice, because she has a solo. How does that sound?” Logan grinned.

I blushed and laughed into my microphone as the audience cheered and hollered. Tonight I was wearing a cropped grey long sleeve top with black short shorts, revealing my midriff and scorpion belly piercing. My eyes were smoky, my lips were cherry red and all my accessories were cherry red too. My hair was crimped to a huge height.

“Let’s get it going then! This is Remembering Sunday, by All Time Low,” Logan introduced.

Logan, JC and I picked up our acoustic guitars as Reece walked off stage to get a bottle of water, before JC and I started playing. Then Logan started singing.

“He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes,
Started making his way past 2 in the morning,
He hasn't been sober for days.

Leaning now into the breeze,
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees,
They had breakfast together,
But two eggs don't last,
Like the feeling of what he needs.

Now this place seems familiar to him,
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin,
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs,
Left him dying to get in.

Forgive me, I'm trying to find,
My calling, I'm calling at night,
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams,
And it's driving me crazy, it seems,
I'm going to ask her to marry me.”

Reece came back on and started playing a soft beat.

“Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff,
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut.

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces,
He pleads though he tries,
But he's only denied,
Now he's dying to get inside.”

Reece stopped playing.

“Forgive me, I'm trying to find,
My calling, I'm calling at night,
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams,
And it's driving me crazy, it seems,
I'm going to ask her to marry me.

The neighbors said she moved away,
Funny how it rained all day,
I didn't think much of it then,
But it's starting to all make sense.”

Reece started to play again

“Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds,
Are following me in my desperate endeavor,
To find my whoever, wherever she may be”

I stopped playing my guitar, reaching for my microphone as Logan took my place playing. I took a deep breath and started singing.

[Mackenzie:]
“I'm not coming back, (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible,
I'm terrified to speak, (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me,
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just, (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind,
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now,
I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head.”

I chewed my bottom lip to hide my grin as I resumed playing, Logan starting to sing again.

[Logan:]
“Well I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home”

The crowd went wild, cheering and screaming. I took a deep breath, the rush of singing live giving me the courage to do what I needed to do now. I waited till the roadie had given me my bass guitar back, before stepping forward.

“Before we move onto the next song, there’s something I need to say,” I spoke into my microphone.

I cast my eyes down as the crowd quietened down, my bandmates facing me in confusion. I took a deep breath and looked up into the audience.

“For the past week and a bit, I’ve been a real jerk to my friends over something that shouldn’t have been made so much of a fuss of. I overreacted to them trying to help me because I was scared, but I’m not scared any more,”

I hesitated, taking a glance at JC and Logan to my right, seeing Reece out the corner of my eye.

“I shouldn’t have treated them like I did just because I’m going through some issues at the moment. These guys really are my best friends in the world. I guess what I’m trying to say is...I’m sorry and I hope they’ll forgive me,” I finished.

I chewed my bottom lip, looking back down at my Doc Martens as the crowd started chanting ‘forgive her, forgive her, forgive her!’

“Did you really think we would cast you out like that?” JC said softly into my ear.

I looked up at him, a weak smile on my lips. I threw my arms round his neck, Logan running over to join us as well as Reece. Everyone cheered as we swayed back and forth, tears springing to my eyes slightly. When we broke away we got a round of applause, making me giggle. These guys really are amazing.

“Alright, enough mush. How about we play another song for you all? This is Promise The Stars,” Logan called into his microphone.

Cheers and screams answered that. Logan winked at me, nodding to Reece. Reece started playing, then we started playing, then Logan went to his microphone.

“Let's take off in flight,
And race through the sky,
And like the hundreds of airplanes we're floating way up high,
We'll never look down,
We'll build our own town,
And like the thousands of clouds we will never touch the ground.

But would you risk some broken bones,
Just to call this place home,
This could be home.

Maybe I'm down low,
Maybe I'm up high,
Maybe I'm losing my own mind,
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours.
Maybe you'll follow,
Maybe you'll stay,
I'm praying you won't give yourself away,
You know that you are the only one I promise the stars,
You are.

With your hand in mine,
We'll soar through the night,
And like the dozens of spaceships we'll dance with sattelites,
We'll keep our eyes closed,
And we won't let go,
And with the millions of stars we'll will never be alone.

But would you risk some broken bones,
Just to call this place home,
This could be home.

Maybe I'm down low,
Maybe I'm up high,
Maybe I'm losing my own mind,
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours.
Maybe you'll follow,
Maybe you'll stay,
I'm praying you won't give yourself away,
You know that you are the only one I promise the stars,
You are.

I want you my only lover,
And I want you my only lover.

Maybe I'm down low,
Maybe I'm up high,
Maybe I'm losing my own mind,
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours,
Maybe you'll follow,
Maybe you'll stay,
I'm praying you won't give yourself away,
You know that you are the only one I promise the stars.

Maybe I'm down low,
Maybe I'm up high,
Maybe I'm losing my own mind,
You know that there are no other two hearts closer than ours.
Maybe you'll follow,
Maybe you'll stay,
I'm praying you won't give yourself away,
You know that you are the only one I promise the stars.
You are.”